Finally Debt Free After 34 Years, But Still Need to Live Frugally

elizabethhull

teafor2 wrote: »

We had to sort hubby's parent's house out and it was a nightmare. In fact at times I felt really angry we were having to spend so much time there going through things when his Dad could have done a lot of it himself over the years. We tried to get him to do something but he just said, I'm leaving it all for you to sort out. So we did. Hubby ordered the biggest skip he could and after giving all the big stuff away, threw the rest away. He whittled a house packed to the hilt with stuff down to one shoe box of things that he wanted to keep - he's not a hoarder either

I do understand this point of view, but it wasn't my personal experience. My parents were both hoarders (even keeping the panes of glass from a broken greenhouse, and a 20yr scuttle full of anthracite - well you never know!) I was able to go to their house every Monday for a few months, sorting, recycling, posting items on the local Freegle site, and only binning totally unusable stuff.
I felt it was an honour. I loved doing it (despite the time commitment), and I found all sorts of things thought lost - like my mother's engagement ring.

It's definitely not a task for everyone, and my brother was quite frankly unable to face it for several reasons. I felt like a final custodian of their possessions - free to make other people's lives happy with my choice of new home: the scarves that went to a playgroup, my father's RAF uniform that went to a college drama group, the blankets that went to a dog rescue place, and the electric daybed that went to a sick boy with heart problems so he could be raised up in bed. I cannot emphasise enough how moving it all was.

But what it did make me realise was that what I really wanted was to have the whole house moved, just as it was, into some storage facility so I could visit it as I knew it. Odd items I brought home were never going to be enough, and I shed many tears over this realisation. No, your loved ones do not primarily reside in things, but their emotional power after decades of use is huge.

HairyHandofDartmoor

Your last paragraph sums up how I feel about my mum's house Elizabeth. I wanted to preserve it as a time capsule memorial to her. Although without my mum living in it it's not the same of course . Her possessions do remind me so much of what she was like and what her interests were.

Possessions can be a blessing and a curse in some ways, and I understand both TF2 and your views Elizabeth. I want to keep some things to remind me of my mum and of the DC when they were little, but if I have too many things I start to feel sad and overwhelmed. I want to keep some really special things and treasure them and then find the rest new homes.

I think my stepdad will want to get rid of a lot of my mum's possessions as he seems keen for himself and everyone else to move on. He can't seem to understand that other people move on at their own pace . But he has already given me some very precious possessions of my mum's, like her wedding ring and her silver evacuee identity disc, both of which I will always treasure .

please-let-me-be-lucky

Happy Easter to you, the family, and the mice :cool:. Xx

HairyHandofDartmoor

Thank you Lucky . Pesky mice :mad:.

teafor2

Elizabeth, it's lovely that you felt that way about your parent's house and possessions and to feel sorting it all out was a privilege. Your comment about the broken window pane made me smile, I can definitely relate to the 'why on earth have they kept this' finds Hubby's parents were of the war generation and I really think a lot of it was them thinking 'we'll keep it just in case'.

HHD, It must be hard seeing your Mum's possessions being given away and the house cleared of her things, but I'm glad you've been given some special things to remember her by. x

I'm think I'm a very unusual person because things make me feel weighed down. I have rings, jewellery etc. from Grandma's and other relatives who have passed away, but in all honesty, it holds little sentimental value for me. I prefer sitting with my own thoughts every now and then and going down memory lane for a while. Memories don't take up much room either xx

Onebrokelady

I'm lucky in that my mum and dad have decluttered their house already,the loft has been completely emptied and my mum has given away lots of her ornaments,she said she was fed up of dusting it all,she has one cabinet with bits in but it's only small, they have quite minimalist furniture actually, the bedroom furniture is all built in so would stay so it would just be the living room and dining room furniture to rehome


I personally haven't kept anything from when my children were small apart from a sylvanian house,there is a box of soft toys in the loft that belong to DD but she has given me the go ahead to get rid of them so when I do clear the loft they will be going

The things I have got belong to my eldest but they are stuff she left when she moved out,so I have a pile of jigsaws in the top of my wardrobe and I have a display cabinet in my hall, I actually spoke to her about these items last week and she has told me I can get rid of the cabinet,I told her she needs to collect the jigsaws,I'm giving her a few months then if they aren't gone she will get a last warning,after that they will be sent to the charity shop

I have bits in the loft that DD2 will take with her when she moves out,they are from when she left homemto go to uni so will help her set up a new home

My sister recently cleared out my uncles house and she hired a firm to come and clear the lot in one go,she had to pay for it but it saved her the job

Willowtree222

I haven't had the experience of any of this yet, and not really sure how I would feel in this situation.

Love and hugs to everyone. I am sure whatever way suits you, it will stay have a massive amount of difficulties attached to it.

I am sorry your step dad can't see your point of view either. x

HairyHandofDartmoor

teafor2 wrote: »

Elizabeth, it's lovely that you felt that way about your parent's house and possessions and to feel sorting it all out was a privilege. Your comment about the broken window pane made me smile, I can definitely relate to the 'why on earth have they kept this' finds Hubby's parents were of the war generation and I really think a lot of it was them thinking 'we'll keep it just in case'.

HHD, It must be hard seeing your Mum's possessions being given away and the house cleared of her things, but I'm glad you've been given some special things to remember her by. x

I'm think I'm a very unusual person because things make me feel weighed down. I have rings, jewellery etc. from Grandma's and other relatives who have passed away, but in all honesty, it holds little sentimental value for me. I prefer sitting with my own thoughts every now and then and going down memory lane for a while. Memories don't take up much room either xx

Onebrokelady wrote: »

I'm lucky in that my mum and dad have decluttered their house already,the loft has been completely emptied and my mum has given away lots of her ornaments,she said she was fed up of dusting it all,she has one cabinet with bits in but it's only small, they have quite minimalist furniture actually, the bedroom furniture is all built in so would stay so it would just be the living room and dining room furniture to rehome


I personally haven't kept anything from when my children were small apart from a sylvanian house,there is a box of soft toys in the loft that belong to DD but she has given me the go ahead to get rid of them so when I do clear the loft they will be going

The things I have got belong to my eldest but they are stuff she left when she moved out,so I have a pile of jigsaws in the top of my wardrobe and I have a display cabinet in my hall, I actually spoke to her about these items last week and she has told me I can get rid of the cabinet,I told her she needs to collect the jigsaws,I'm giving her a few months then if they aren't gone she will get a last warning,after that they will be sent to the charity shop

I have bits in the loft that DD2 will take with her when she moves out,they are from when she left homemto go to uni so will help her set up a new home

My sister recently cleared out my uncles house and she hired a firm to come and clear the lot in one go,she had to pay for it but it saved her the job

I wish I could be less sentimental about things! I've got two large boxes of my mum's clothes and a large box of her shoes in my bedroom . They remind me of her so they do give me comfort at the moment. One day I'll be able to let them go, but losing her is too raw at the moment. I'll always keep her jewellery, scarves and books they as they are smaller and more compact. I will wear the jewellery and scarves one day and I want to read the books one day. I'm more sentimental about my mum's belongings though as she's not here any more.

With regard to the belongings of the DC I think that you're right and I'm being too sentimental about them. I've allowed DS1 to keep a box of cuddly toys as he is very attached to his past, but he did let some go.

Perhaps I should ask DS2 and DS3 to look through the box of toys and see if they want to keep anything. I would be happy to let it all go and maybe they would be happy to let it go too. However if they want to keep it then I feel I should let them.

DH is vey sentimental about belongins too, much worse than me and has insisted on keeping the suit he got married to me in, despite the fact that it hasn't fitted him for years and he never looks at it :mad: I let go of my wedding outfit years ago because I have photos and memories and that is all I need.

greenbee

Could you make a memory quilt from your mum’s clothes? That way it would be something beautiful and useful that you would see every day and allow you to share stories about your mum, but wouldn’t add to the clutter?

If you don’t sew (or don’t sew well enough) then maybe find someone who could make it for you and ask for the cost to be your birthday/Xmas presents from everyone until it’s done.

Would DH be open to making something he could use every day from his wedding suit?

As for kids toys, one of my friends always has a clear out to donate to the children’s ward or CS before Christmas to make room for new stuff. The kids decide what they are getting rid of, so it works quite well. They get the hang of clearing out to make room for new and then tend to do it voluntarily through the year as they decide that other children would like things that they no longer play with.

You’re doing really well - it’s a massive change to go through, so take it slowly.

HairyHandofDartmoor

greenbee wrote: »

Could you make a memory quilt from your mum’s clothes? That way it would be something beautiful and useful that you would see every day and allow you to share stories about your mum, but wouldn’t add to the clutter?

If you don’t sew (or don’t sew well enough) then maybe find someone who could make it for you and ask for the cost to be your birthday/Xmas presents from everyone until it’s done.

Would DH be open to making something he could use every day from his wedding suit?

As for kids toys, one of my friends always has a clear out to donate to the children’s ward or CS before Christmas to make room for new stuff. The kids decide what they are getting rid of, so it works quite well. They get the hang of clearing out to make room for new and then tend to do it voluntarily through the year as they decide that other children would like things that they no longer play with.

You’re doing really well - it’s a massive change to go through, so take it slowly.

Thank you Greenbee . That's a very interesting idea about the memory quilt. Even if I just kept a square of fabric from each of her clothes I could keep them in a small box and the pattern and feel of the material would remind me of her. Although then no one else could benefit from wearing her clothes. But sometimes you have to put you own good mental health before others I guess.

That's a lovely idea about donating the toys to a hospital. My DC are all grown up, so you'd think they'd be happy to get rid of their toys, but DS1 is sentimental like his dad :mad:. I'm hoping that DS2 and DS3 might be willing to let some go though .