Finally Debt Free After 34 Years, But Still Need to Live Frugally

[Deleted User]

HairyHandofDartmoor wrote: »

Thanks Elizabeth . I wasn't sure he would remember how bad it was before he left, but he was definitely pleased when I said I'd cleaned it thoroughly .

I'm pleased he's got money left too as that shows he's been reasonably frugal, plus if he wants luxuries I don't normally buy he can get them for himself.

I'm so happy for you, HH. Must be lovely to have him home and for him to be in such a positive and contented state about how his Uni life is panning out.:T:j:beer:. Has he noticed/commented on how cold it is yet;)?


What I would say about his room situation though is amazement that he was ever allowed to let it get into that state in the first place:eek:. Untidy, yes, that's par for the course with adolescents:rotfl: but unhygienic conditions when he's living in your home are not. All the cleaning you had to do, as opposed to the clearing and tidying, made it sound like it was a pigsty:eek:.. As a 'child' still living under his parents' roof he was obviously not capable of taking total responsibility for the cleaning and shouldn't have been. Just my opinion, for what it's worth, and not meant to upset you:kisses3:. I know I have no children of my own but am aunt and godmother to many and most of my close friends have children and I'm a big part of their lives. I know none of them are allowed to let their rooms get so unhygienic. My relatives/friends clean them anyway as part of their normal household cleaning routine. It doesn't mean they go snooping or prying into personal stuff. I think you once said that he wouldn't allow you in, or maybe that was one of your other sons, sorry if I misunderstood. But DS3 was the child and you and DH the parents. He wasn't in a position to allow/not allow you to do anything. What was he doing in there that was so top-secret:eek:? A different situation with the older adult sons though.

jwil

Glad DS is home and hope you get paid soon x

HairyHandofDartmoor

Cherryfudge wrote: »

Great to hear you have a place for an NVQ, and that your DS is back home!

This is bound to be a difficult year for you but I hope having him around helps keep the low mood at bay.

Thanks Cherry I'm sure it will help .

HairyHandofDartmoor

Nicnak wrote: »

Yay for him being back home. x

jwil wrote: »

Glad DS is home and hope you get paid soon x

Thank you both .

HairyHandofDartmoor

carbootcrazy wrote: »

I'm so happy for you, HH. Must be lovely to have him home and for him to be in such a positive and contented state about how his Uni life is panning out.:T:j:beer:. Has he noticed/commented on how cold it is yet;)?


What I would say about his room situation though is amazement that he was ever allowed to let it get into that state in the first place:eek:. Untidy, yes, that's par for the course with adolescents:rotfl: but unhygienic conditions when he's living in your home are not. All the cleaning you had to do, as opposed to the clearing and tidying, made it sound like it was a pigsty:eek:.. As a 'child' still living under his parents' roof he was obviously not capable of taking total responsibility for the cleaning and shouldn't have been. Just my opinion, for what it's worth, and not meant to upset you:kisses3:. I know I have no children of my own but am aunt and godmother to many and most of my close friends have children and I'm a big part of their lives. I know none of them are allowed to let their rooms get so unhygienic. My relatives/friends clean them anyway as part of their normal household cleaning routine. It doesn't mean they go snooping or prying into personal stuff. I think you once said that he wouldn't allow you in, or maybe that was one of your other sons, sorry if I misunderstood. But DS3 was the child and you and DH the parents. He wasn't in a position to allow/not allow you to do anything. What was he doing in there that was so top-secret:eek:? A different situation with the older adult sons though.

Thanks Carboot . I am very pleased DS3 seems so happy at uni.

DS3 is 21 so has gone to college three years later than most. So technically has been an adult for three years now. However he was depressed for three years (due to my sister dying and DS2's mental illness mainly I think).

Insisting upon cleaning his room would have been tricky while he was depressed. When he did his Access to HE course I did do the occasional clean and tidy on the days he was at college, but the thorough deep clean that was needed was really only possible once the room was vacated.

To be fair I was depressed too at that time, and was barely coping. So arguing with DS3 about cleaning his room was more than I could cope with. Plus as an adult he should have taken some responsibility for the mess he created.

HairyHandofDartmoor

Today DH and I are working on my business and then stepdad is coming for dinner in the evening.

DS3 is asleep so we may not see him before lunch time . The weather is a bit grey, but we'll be indoors anyway.

I hope everyone has a good Sunday.

Cherryfudge

HairyHandofDartmoor wrote: »

Thanks Carboot . To be fair I was depressed too at that time, and was barely coping. So arguing with DS3 about cleaning his room was more than I could cope with. Plus as an adult he should have taken some responsibility for the mess he created.

I've had similar with DS2. Once they reach adulthood I feel it's inappropriate to go into their space unless invited, though I used to collect used clothes and add them to the wash. Eventually I felt he had to take on that responsibility and if he wanted them washed, add them to the family washing hamper himself - which he does. Obviously when there are MH issues, it adds more layers of complication. Over a term an unoccupied room does get a bit grubby, though, and that deep cleaning that doesn't necessarily happen when the room is occupied gets added to.

[Deleted User]

HairyHandofDartmoor wrote: »

Thanks Carboot . I am very pleased DS3 seems so happy at uni.

DS3 is 21 so has gone to college three years later than most. So technically has been an adult for three years now. However he was depressed for three years (due to my sister dying and DS2's mental illness mainly I think).

Insisting upon cleaning his room would have been tricky while he was depressed. When he did his Access to HE course I did do the occasional clean and tidy on the days he was at college, but the thorough deep clean that was needed was really only possible once the room was vacated.

To be fair I was depressed too at that time, and was barely coping. So arguing with DS3 about cleaning his room was more than I could cope with. Plus as an adult he should have taken some responsibility for the mess he created.

I know how debilitating depression can be, HH:kisses3:, and you and your children have had to go through some terrible, life-shattering events in recent years. I can truly understand why the 'normal' rules wouldn't apply. It must have been hard for you just to get though the day sometimes without the added worry of causing major upset to those you obviously love so much:A


I hadn't realise DS3 was as old as he is, sorry:o. I imagined he was about 19, not fresh from school but not much older than that. I often think the slightly more mature students enjoy and appreciate University life more than those who go there straight after school. It sounds as if it was a good move for him and he's obviously made some good friends already. I know the vacation and his stay at home will seem all too short for you but at least when he goes back you'll feel more confident now that he'll be OK.

HairyHandofDartmoor

Cherryfudge wrote: »

I've had similar with DS2. Once they reach adulthood I feel it's inappropriate to go into their space unless invited, though I used to collect used clothes and add them to the wash. Eventually I felt he had to take on that responsibility and if he wanted them washed, add them to the family washing hamper himself - which he does. Obviously when there are MH issues, it adds more layers of complication. Over a term an unoccupied room does get a bit grubby, though, and that deep cleaning that doesn't necessarily happen when the room is occupied gets added to.

Yes you do have to tread more carefully once they are adults.

HairyHandofDartmoor

carbootcrazy wrote: »

I know how debilitating depression can be, HH:kisses3:, and you and your children have had to go through some terrible, life-shattering events in recent years. I can truly understand why the 'normal' rules wouldn't apply. It must have been hard for you just to get though the day sometimes without the added worry of causing major upset to those you obviously love so much:A


I hadn't realise DS3 was as old as he is, sorry:o. I imagined he was about 19, not fresh from school but not much older than that. I often think the slightly more mature students enjoy and appreciate University life more than those who go there straight after school. It sounds as if it was a good move for him and he's obviously made some good friends already. I know the vacation and his stay at home will seem all too short for you but at least when he goes back you'll feel more confident now that he'll be OK.

I think it may be because he is older than average that he has settled in so well at uni .

After sitting in his room being miserable he has got through his bad patch.

He has had time to think and become highly motivated .