Finally Debt Free After 34 Years, But Still Need to Live Frugally

HairyHandofDartmoor

Chrystal wrote: »

Not wishing to upset you, and coming from a place that is really hoping that things change for the better for you.
The vast majority of students have to get a job during their vacations.... if for no other reason than to pay their way at home as well as save to help towards their Uni term. Maybe it's time to sit all your DSs down together and tell them the true state of affairs. They aren't children and shouldn't be treated as such, although from remarks you've made in the past it seems that DH would rather not rock the boat. This may keep his pride intact but it won't help in the long run.

You say that DH suffers from depression. I think that you probably do too, but you're having to try and sort out the mess that lack of money is creating, and I realise DH wants to be seen as the 'breadwinner' but the truth of it is that he isn't, so getting an 'unskilled' job that brings in more money should be seen as a positive and make him proud to be helping instead of hindering.

I think you're in a very difficult position, as it's impossible to keep on doing the same things you've always done and expect a different outcome. Nothing will change unless you MAKE something change. Wishing and hoping won't achieve anything. You are trying your best to improve the situation and maybe it's time for others in the household to try and improve it too.
I don't mean to hurt or upset you. This is just an outsiders view of things. X

Thank you Chrystal . I understand what you're saying. But unfortunately the situation is what it is. I can't force DH to get a job and if I tried it wouldn't do our relationship any good at all, or his mental health . DH is keeping on doing the same thing and I know that his income will always be erratic. I can't change that. But I can change what I do. Which is why I no longer help him with his business but am forging my own career. I know I'm not earning much at the moment but I'm determined that I will earn more soon. Once I get my level 3 I will leave this school if nothing comes up here and find a PAID full time job elsewhere.

I don't mind you saying what you said and I always value other people's opinions .

HairyHandofDartmoor

milann wrote: »

Sorry you seem so stressed about things.
I’ve worked with children with autism and various behaviour issues for many years and if the child is feeling out of sorts for whatever reason - until that child chooses to - it wouldn’t matter what you did or how brilliant any of us are - the child won’t comply.....they have to feel at one with their world before they let us to use all the techniques we’ve learned....and what works one day might not work the following day.... be kind to yourself and if a child shouts or is rude - remember it’s usually the situation not you they’re not happy with. Time I spent often the best cure all. Just wondering if the TA that was rude was the one from last week?

Thank you Milann . One of the awkward children is autistic and the other has a terrible home background and behaviour issues. I expect the children were just having a bad day (like me).

You are making me feel better for saying what you've said so thank you .

The rude TA is a different person than the teacher who complained about my class being noisy, but they both work in the same year group and I've never worked with either of them so don't know them that well.

HairyHandofDartmoor

I had a much better day today at school .

I went to bed at 9pm last night and slept really soundly so I felt much less tired this morning. The child who was rude to me yesterday wrote me a letter of apology and was being polite today! I did my TA cover in the morning and then went into a different class in the afternoon because I was needed more badly there. As long as I'm getting paid then I don't mind where I go :money:.

I encountered the rude TA twice today and decided to be super professional around her to show that I'm the better person so I said "Good morning" as I sailed past her first thing and then opened the door for her later on in the day so that she had to thank me :rotfl:.

I got wet at lunchtime and the children were trooping in and out as it rained heavily on and off. I also got soaked on the way home. But I didn't really mind today as I felt less tired and much more cheerful .

DS1 has gone to the big smoke for the weekend so DH and I will have a quiet one. I'm going to be very money conscious when I go for my Saturday saunter tomorrow. We've decided not to do a proper food shop this week to save money. Instead we'll eat out of the store cupboard and the freezer. I will just need to buy milk and fruit tomorrow to tide us over.

DH has booked the car in for it's MOT on Monday and I really hope it passes. Then we have to renew the car insurance in the middle of November . DH should have another year of no claims so I'm hoping we can lower the price from last year.

I hope everyone has had a good Friday so far. It's the weekend :T:j:T.

jwil

HairyHandofDartmoor wrote: »

Thanks Jwil . I would love to get rid of NP0w3r but DH's EF is going down fast and we have the MOT coming up. If the car doesn't pass then I don't know how big that bill could be.

It's definitely on our priority list to ditch them.

That's fair enough. I never do anything before an MOT

I've just logged in to submit my meter readings and they are recommending putting the DD down by another £12 a month (yay!). We don't waste electricity/gas but we are not scared to use the TD or heating if we want to.

I think if you can find the time, it's worth looking at potential savings. You might find that it will pay for itself in a few months which would make it worth it. Just knowing that might help relieve some of the stress, even if you don't feel like doing it now.

jwil

HairyHandofDartmoor wrote: »

Thank you Milann . One of the awkward children is autistic and the other has a terrible home background and behaviour issues. I expect the children were just having a bad day (like me).

You are making me feel better for saying what you've said so thank you .

The rude TA is a different person than the teacher who complained about my class being noisy, but they both work in the same year group and I've never worked with either of them so don't know them that well.

HairyHandofDartmoor wrote: »

I had a much better day today at school .

I went to bed at 9pm last night and slept really soundly so I felt much less tired this morning. The child who was rude to me yesterday wrote me a letter of apology and was being polite today! I did my TA cover in the morning and then went into a different class in the afternoon because I was needed more badly there. As long as I'm getting paid then I don't mind where I go :money:.

I encountered the rude TA twice today and decided to be super professional around her to show that I'm the better person so I said "Good morning" as I sailed past her first thing and then opened the door for her later on in the day so that she had to thank me :rotfl:.

I got wet at lunchtime and the children were trooping in and out as it rained heavily on and off. I also got soaked on the way home. But I didn't really mind today as I felt less tired and much more cheerful .

DS1 has gone to the big smoke for the weekend so DH and I will have a quiet one. I'm going to be very money conscious when I go for my Saturday saunter tomorrow. We've decided not to do a proper food shop this week to save money. Instead we'll eat out of the store cupboard and the freezer. I will just need to buy milk and fruit tomorrow to tide us over.

DH has booked the car in for it's MOT on Monday and I really hope it passes. Then we have to renew the car insurance in the middle of November . DH should have another year of no claims so I'm hoping we can lower the price from last year.

I hope everyone has had a good Friday so far. It's the weekend :T:j:T.

Glad you've had a better day and that's so sweet that you got an apology!

Hope the MOT goes well, and have a good weekend

HairyHandofDartmoor

jwil wrote: »

That's fair enough. I never do anything before an MOT

I've just logged in to submit my meter readings and they are recommending putting the DD down by another £12 a month (yay!). We don't waste electricity/gas but we are not scared to use the TD or heating if we want to.

I think if you can find the time, it's worth looking at potential savings. You might find that it will pay for itself in a few months which would make it worth it. Just knowing that might help relieve some of the stress, even if you don't feel like doing it now.

jwil wrote: »

Glad you've had a better day and that's so sweet that you got an apology!


Hope the MOT goes well, and have a good weekend

Thanks Jwil . That's great news about your DD going down :T. I'm definitely going to stop using the tumber and hold off on the heating until we can afford to ditch our supplier.

His teacher made the child write the apology letter but he did seem genuinely contrite today so it was quite sweet . Not sure how long it will last but still :rotfl:.

enthusiasticsaver

Sorry you are having a tough time. I don't think the weather helps. I was up on Dartmoor on Tuesday with my walking group and although not that wet it was absolutely freezing and very windy. Good luck for the MOT next week

HairyHandofDartmoor

enthusiasticsaver wrote: »

Sorry you are having a tough time. I don't think the weather helps. I was up on Dartmoor on Tuesday with my walking group and although not that wet it was absolutely freezing and very windy. Good luck for the MOT next week

Thank you ES . You're brave going on Dartmoor in this weather :eek:. I'm sick to death of rain. I feel as if we've had rain every day in October but hopefully it will stop soon.

doingitanyway

I'm sure you will feel better after the MOT and car insurance are paid for.
Wishing you a relaxing evening

teafor2

Evening HHD Glad you've had a better day at work. Doesn't matter if the teacher made the child write the letter, sounds like if he really hadn't wanted to he wouldn't have done it.

You do seem to be the glue that's holding everything and everybody together at the moment. I can't imagine the pressure you have of knowing your DH could possibly have such a serious reaction about having to find a job.

You've answered a lot of questions already and tbh the biggest one I had was the 1 hour shower :eek: But I can relate to what you've said. DD will shout she's having a shower does anybody need the loo. Then she'll take herself in the bathroom and lock the door. An hour later when I do need the loo I knock and she'll say I'm only just getting in can you wait! As you say - what on earth do they do in there :rotfl::rotfl:

Do you mind me asking if when you're qualified and you DO get a job if you'll be the main wage earner in the house and do you think your DH could see that as his safety net so he doesn't have to worry about getting as much work in himself? It just seems more pressure for you if that's the case.

Hope you have a lovely weekend. xx