Daughter....found morning after pill, disappointed. Advice.

alittleworried

Ono, I had asked several times for her to bring the stuff down, I wasn't snooping. Yes she's entitled to a private life, though there may be consequences which could affect everyone. I'm not stupid I know what teens are like. I'm not a monster.

Elsien, I know what your saying. Your post just seemed to insinuate I was snooping which I wasn't, if I was I'd admit it, it's anonymous here. I've always been honest and open, at 16 she thought she might have been, there was no yelling and shouting just a true honest heart to heart, where I went over contraception again. I honestly want the best for her, I'm not a monster and i will be there. I suppose I want more for her. If she says mind my own that's fine.

I've been posting for about 10 years, so I understand all replies and thank you all. We might not agree but that's the way forums work.

alittleworried

Iamwales, I know really it's none of my business. Easier said than done putting it out my mind, sorry about that.

Plus if it did happen that day she wouldn't need the 5 day pill.

badmemory

Of course it is always possible that she has taken the lessons you taught her very seriously. So seriously that she has made sure that she always has a morning after pill & the one you found was the replacement.

alittleworried

Badmemory, don't think so since it was a free prescription. Thank you.

elsien

Tried to type out lots of answers and they all sound wrong, so apologies in advance if it sounds like I'm having a go because that's not my intention.

You are very focussed on "what if it's too late and she's pregnant." Which is understandable because it's not what you want for her.
But if you go in like that, what she's going to hear is 1) mum's been invading my privacy and 2) mum thinks I'm an idiot who has got myself in a mess and she doesn't trust me to be able to deal with it.
So,
If she's not needed the pill then you've alienated her.
If she's needed it but it's worked she may well want to maintain her privacy so you've alienated her.
If the pills not worked then she won't know for sure for a while anyway and could probably do without the conversation about what next until she's had time to process it herself. She may even decide to deal with it without telling you. I had friends at that age who had abortions and their parents were none the wiser.
Do you really need to talk to her specifically about what you've found or can it be a more general conversation so she can be reminded you will be there for her if it ever comes to it?

gettingtheresometime

I can remember many many moons ago going in the pill & sometime later having to have antibiotics.

My mother then felt the need to have a 'chat' about antibiotics affecting the pill. I quickly informed her than as a responsible adult I knew the situation.

Please don't have the chat. She won't appreciate it.

alittleworried

Elsien, thank you. I may have taken one of your reply wrong, defensive probably but I appreciate your replies.

I know a few girls when I was at school had abortions at 14/15 and there parents didn't know, maybe it's me but if that did happen I would want to help.

I don't want to alienate her, I have said nothing but at the end of the day I am concerned she could be. I was even joking about boys on her way back when she asked for money to be transfered. I spoke about contraception again before she went away. I know things happen, I wanted her prepared, so to say.

We've had the talk if it happened as a old friend of hers is pregnant. I chucked everything back in the bag, so she doesn't know I found it. Maybe it's best I say nothing, though I always thought it was a relationship were things could be said. I had 2 kids when I was her age. It's the if. She has taken it, as far as I know.

ska_lover

I understand your concern OP, but I don't think you should 'talk to her' - what will it achieve? It is going to make it look as if you are snooping. and it will be an embarrassing conversation for her mother to confront her about having unprotected sex. I understand this is a massively important topic, but really if you grill her about it, i cannot see any good coming out of it. She will think you are snooping and could get defensive and this will only reinforce her desire to move out.

Seriously I think you need to get a grip on the fact your daughter is now an adult - i mean saying the words, and living with it are two different things I know this

Wasn't in touch for days? This is her way of telling you to back off you are crowding her. You will have to get used to this when she moves out, perhaps not hearing from her for weeks

I really think you need to give her some space and stop fretting.

gettingtheresometime

alittleworried wrote: »

Elsien, thank you. I may have taken one of your reply wrong, defensive probably but I appreciate your replies.

I know a few girls when I was at school had abortions at 14/15 and there parents didn't know, maybe it's me but if that did happen I would want to help.

I don't want to alienate her, I have said nothing but at the end of the day I am concerned she could be. I was even joking about boys on her way back when she asked for money to be transfered. I spoke about contraception again before she went away. I know things happen, I wanted her prepared, so to say.

We've had the talk if it happened as a old friend of hers is pregnant. I chucked everything back in the bag, so she doesn't know I found it. Maybe it's best I say nothing, though I always thought it was a relationship were things could be said. I had 2 kids when I was her age. It's the if. She has taken it, as far as I know.

I've done things I would never dream of telling my mum.

There are some things that only she can initiate the conversation about.

Just let her know that she can talk to you about ANYTHING without you losing the plot......that way if the **** did ever hit the fan she could come to you.

alittleworried

Well done gettingthere, but she's been taking nothing obviously and has had no antibiotics so different situation. We've had plenty chats about contraception as I've had with my other children, as I feel it's important. Well done being knowing the situation, different here.