parents full time working

Spendless

annandale wrote: »

No worries. Just going to say also that Gingerbread have given you poor advice. No way would you get refused UC or JSA, if you turned down a job prior to going on benefit. You would only face a sanction if you refused a job while on benefit or got sacked or resigned. Even then there are allowances made, for example I gave up a zero hours job to focus on getting a full time one as by the time I paid travel costs and deductions were made I was working for pennies and travelling hundreds of miles to do so.

Im surprised that theyve given you duff advice but it is duff. At no point during my claim for UC was I asked if I had recently been offered a job and turned it down.

I must admit I've wondered the same thing. How would they even know you've been offerred a job, that you've said No to, prior to claiming JSA?

I just thought there must be some part of the process of claiming that I wasn't aware of.

AStar1

I empathise with you. I feel the struggles of parenting and working are largely below the public radar. Few tips from me (working mum of toddler)

1.Check your rights at work. I think someone mentioned carers time off. I would also advise that you keep a look out for family friendly employers. Culture is key and lots of companies are more committed to supporting employees that are parents.

2. Beyond carers time etc schedule appointments around holidays.

3. Food shop online (or click and collect which can be free). You can also use amazon prime for other bits with a guaranteed next day delivery.

4. Get a cleaner if you can afford one. Find time to sort clutter out of house and slimline your belongings - a daunting task but will help to keep things tidy

5. Have a meal plan for the week, shop according to it and try to batch cook or batch prepare.

6. Lower your standards re house. In the evenings I am knackered. Sometimes just leave it if it won't harm. Time in morning to sort bits of you have it can be helpful as you are more refreshed.

7. Enlist friends, family where you can do you can have time to yourself every once in a while. At very least, have someone you can talk to. It helps to take the edge off things. And maybe there are groups where you can connect with parents in similar situation

Wish you all the best

Shortypie

I haven't had time to read all this, as I'm at work but my initial reaction would be not to take the full time job, maybe go and look for TA work/school office work, claim DLA and Carers Allowance if you're not already/if he gets diagnosed.


I'm a single mum to 3 children (became single last year but my ex-husband worked shifts so hasn't made a massive difference tbh) twin boys in year 6, who have ADHD and ASD, and a 7 year old girl. I simply couldn't work full time. I need to take time off for appointments, mainly for the one who is on ADHD medication: paediatrician, dietician, ENT mainly as well as meetings at the school. I'm lucky enough to work term-time, 25 hours a week, so I can swap my hours etc pretty easily (I work for the council in the area of SEN). I couldn't afford childcare during the holidays for 3 kids, and my ex is spectacularly unhelpful, only has them once a week, regardless of whether he has annual leave etc.

The boys will be attending a specialist secondary school, and won't have after school clubs. Not sure what I will do about that yet.

I do feel your pain, it's not easy, even with a part time job. I'm not in until 6.30pm 2 days a week, 4.30pm the 2 other days, and my day off I'm usually rushing around doing the food shop, making up work hours (I'm doing that 3 weeks in a row right now) or if I'm lucky, meeting a friend for coffee or go to the gym.

Homework - honestly, sometimes it doesn't get done. Same with reading. I think they get too much anyway and I just don't have time, since they can't do it unaided.

Shopping - as I said, I tend to do it on my day off, or when the ex does have them, or worst case scenario I take the kids. It doesn't stress them, it stresses me more! I don't do online as I buy at L!dl. Could he have ear defenders/a toy etc?

Clubs - mine only go to an Autism social club, Fridays 4.30-6.30. They used to go to a SEN swimming class on a Sunday but I've stopped that now. I do feel like I should get them into something like martial arts or dance, but they'd rather be at home playing Minecraft anyway.

Time to relax - Wow. Like you, my kids are awake late. One is on melatonin but doesn't make much difference, usually about 11pm the last one will drop off. They all share a room, which doesn't help. I don't even put them to bed until 9.30pm, and the getting ready for bed routine is exhausting, it's like herding cats. By the time they've gone to bed, I can't be bothered to pack their lunches or do anything, I tend to flop on the sofa and try and watch one episode of something (or waste hours on facebook, which I'm trying to get out of). I basically do the bare minimum - load dishwasher, make sure we all have clothes for the next day. My house is a tip, honestly. I try and do housework on the weekend, but often we are out, and in any case I find it next to impossible to get on with them all under my feet in a tiny bungalow, they constantly want feeding, or they're trying to kill eachother. I once spent 2 hours deep cleaning my kitchen, I was so pleased with it, then went in their room and found all the mattresses and bedding on the floor, and they were jumping on them. Also my clean kitchen lasted about a day. I've had to lower my standards but it's depressing. I'd love to get a cleaner but can't afford it. I don't think you can understand how exhausting it is having children with additional needs unless you have them.

If there's anything that could help you e.g. dishwasher/tumble dryer but you can't afford it, you may qualify for help from the Family Fund when your son gets a diagnosis.

I don't think you should feel any shame in claiming benefits, you're in a difficult situation. With the amount I get in my part time wages plus CTC and WTC (I also get DLA and CB) I'd have to be on about £30k to replace that. And then I'd just be paying more on childcare. And probably convenience food, if I was getting in at 6.30pm every night. I'd be more exhausted and grumpy and my children's quality of life would suffer. Of course I'd love a fulfilling career but there's more to life, and it will happen eventually. In the meantime, I don't feel any shame in my situation, I work hard but with a mortgage of £1200 to pay and my ex only paying half the amount of maintenance he should, 2 children with needs etc, I just do whatever works for us as a family. Sending much love.

Shortypie

P.s if you need any help with DLA forms, I am very good at filling them in, and happy to help. It helps that I work in SEN but I know how to word things appropriately - I was awarded Middle Rate Care and Lower Rate Mobility for both boys, at the time they weren't even diagnosed. Some of the families I've known have had more severely disabled children and not been awarded appropriately as their DLA forms haven't been entirely reflective.

psouth

I had to live my life by lists, when working full time. Make a list of essential chores then break it down into days...the house will never be perfect but good enough. Make a list of meals your son will eat and work out how best to prep and cook these - batch maybe? I used to prep the slow cooker the night before and let it cook all day so we could eat as soon as we got home. A friend used to SC a day ahead and plate up the meal as there were sometimes staggered meal times in their house. List essential activities and schedule time together to have fun - just as important as housework. Make lists for your son to follow and gain independence and save you from nagging. We had a "getting up" list which included having a pee and cleaning teeth and coming downstairs - don't leave anything to chance with ASD children:rotfl: Check out services in your area for SN and ask the school liason officer for input too, they may have days out etc which mean you HAVE to have time together. Cinemas also do special screenings and is great for catching a few zzz's (just don't snore) without anyone noticing. Homework after food is more successful IMHO. Most importantly, if you can't hack it, give up... at least you tried and will have learned a great deal for your second attempt.

iammumtoone

UPDATE

I told work I was withdrawing from applying as I was unable to work full-time. A few days later they approached me to see if I could work 34 hours at times that suited me. I proposed 2 (very) late days and 3 days where I can finish in time to collect from school, they accepted on a trail basis :j

Its still very nearly full time but the fact I can collect from school 3 days makes all the difference, my son will not be happy in childcare for the long hours 2 days but I can't have everything, he will have to get used to it. Its the best I am going to get with still earning a good wage.

I will be putting into practice a lot of the tips on this thread, thanks again everyone.

I am really pleased and can't quite believe my luck. Its going to still be hard as there is no time for me in this situation (it will be a rush every day straight from work to collect him) but it is the best outcome for my son I just have to remember that.

chelseablue

That's brilliant news!!

FBaby

Well done! You must clearly be highly valued that they were prepared to negotiate, so you've done fantastic. Good luck and don't despair if it feels overwhelming to start with. There will need to be a time for adjustment for everyone, but it will get better. Make sure you use the extra ££ to treat your son and yourself.

TBagpuss

How do you do homework?

Encourage your older son to get into a routine of doing this himself. Check with him, when you get in, what he has, and what he has done so far.

What about dentists/doctors for child?

For routine appointments, try to book ahead to get evening appointments, so you can go outside working hours. Ask your employer if you can make time up if you have to go during the work day - for instance, if you can get a 6 p.m. appointment you might be able to leave work half an hour early, and take a short lunch break to make up the time. For longer appointments you may need to use some of your holiday time or ask to take unpaid time off.

Time for yourself to relax - How do you find it. My son does not sleep he is never asleep before 12pm.

catch it when you can, and if you find that you are struggling, consider tying to find room in your budget for a babysitter to give yourself a break.

House work - where does this fit in when you are either at work or looking after your child(ren).

evenings and weekends, make sure that the children are helping in an age-appropriate way, consider getting in a cleaner if you can afford it and decide that you time is more precious, and accept that you may have to let some things go and blitz it at weekends.

Shopping - how do you manage to get things that are needed

Online shopping and forward planning. Make lists and set aside a day when you do the things you can't do online. It may mean giving up (part of) a weekend but if you plan you shouldn't have to do it very often.

Clubs - this is probably irrelevant in my case as my son dispite me trying to persuade him will not attend clubs but I am hoping this will change in the future. How do you get your child there most start at I guess at 7 do you rush everything to get them ready in time.

Depends on the child and the club, but again, forward planning. this might include making up bags with the necessary kit in for each club n a Sunday so on the weekday they just need to take the appropriate bag as they leave the house in the morning. Things such as breakfast clubs or homework/after school clubs are easier as they don't need to take anything extra, it's more about adjusting the routine.

Child is in year 6. My other worry is secondary school when there is no childcare available but my son is not safe to be left alone in the house. What do others do in this situation?

Childminder? After school clubs? support from family?
also think about why your son is not safe ad what you could do to change that

iammumtoone

I have put together a plan, most of the ideas came from this thread

Shopping/Food - meal plan and buy on-line. Late working days I will eat at work, son will have something out of freezer these nights.

Homework - no homework on late working nights will be done other nights up the table straight after tea, possibly before desert. Desert to be good on these night(s) to encourage homework to be done.

Laundry - I will buy more school/work clothes so this only has to be done once a week at weekends. Buy another basket one for work+school the other for play clothes. Other clothes can be washed during week whenever the basket gets full.

House work - will think about a cleaner but I do have an issue with people coming into my home will see how I get on.

Will make a big effort to get up at 5am on two mornings, this will give me 3 hours per week 'extra' time.