Boyfriend Not Saving

*max*

Which STILL does not explain the whole ringmarolle about giving dad £50K!


Why (oh WHY!?) do you not just save that 50K and get a mortgage and buy a house? Why THAT house? What has your dad got to do with anything??

This is such a ridiculous set up...Just take dad out of the equation completely! It's not like he's giving you or even loaning you anything! Just save for a deposit, get a mortgage when you can (with or without BF) and buy a house. :cool:

If dad was lending you the full 50K for a deposit and you got a mortgage, it would be understandable, but as it stands...it's not!

I really don't know if you just can't explain things properly OP, or if you haven't understood the whole thing yourself!

onlyroz

Nope, I'm still confused. The OP seems to lack the basic maths skills to be able to explain this scenario in enough detail to be understood.

*max*

Simple opening post:

"BF and I wanted to buy a house together, so we decided to start saving for a deposit. However, BF is now not saving anything, despite being able to afford it comfortably. I feel we are not on the same page anymore and he's just not committed to this (or to me?). Thoughts?"


BOOM. No dad, no 50K. Simple.

Malthusian

If I was rewriting the opening post it would be:

"BF and I were on the verge of buying a house (with £50k from my dad), but then the BF freaked out so we pulled out. So we agreed we'll rent for five years while saving up £50k so we can buy a house together without Dad's help. However my boyfriend is now not saving anything."

The OP has declined to answer the obvious question which is: the boyfriend does not want to buy a house, which is why they pulled out, so why does the OP expect him to save up to buy a house? What do they think will have changed in 5 years' time?

phillw

han_nah95 wrote: »

(this isn't why I am with my bf before anyone jumps to conclusions)

A good job too. When the reason you're with him wears off and he's still selfish then you don't really want to be tied financially to him.

Why don't you buy the house with your dad?

Ames

Am I the only one who can understand they BF's reluctance? (Well, as much as I understand anything about this thread). I wouldn't want to buy the house picked out by my girlfriend's dad when she was 18, especially not when I was so young myself. Think of the future - would they be able to sell the house if ten years down the line it doesn't suit them, or would they get a lot of emotional pressure? What kind of father even has that level of input into where his daughter lives as an adult, is he as contolling in other aspects?

Plus, the OP is 22 and the BF is 24, that's pretty young to be settling down anyway, never mind with a mortgage. Is he just being realistic that relationships which start when one partner is a teenager aren't usually the ones that last forever?

24 is young to have your future mapped out. Has the OP had discussions about what they want for the future, rather than what they feel they should do? Does the BF want to travel, or have the freedom to move to another town, go back to education, change careers - all things that would be harder with the pressure of having to pay a mortgage.

I could be way off the mark, but I don't think it's fair to judge the BF when we don't have his side of the story, and the side we do have is so muddled and confusing.

Out,_Vile_Jelly

I've got two degrees and don't understand any of this.

Why not both save an agreed amount each month, and after an agreed period review your finances, personal commitment and desire to buy together? The father's BTL business is an unnecessary complication. Just do your own thing and ask him to help with typical dad stuff (moving in, handyman skills etc) when required.

phillw

Ames wrote: »

Am I the only one who can understand they BF's reluctance?

I understand it. It's the classic "why buy the cow when you get the milk for free".

I don't understand why the GF wants to setup house with the guy.

Out,_Vile_Jelly wrote: »

Why not both save an agreed amount each month

From what I could tell that was what he agreed before they moved in together, but he's played her.

Ames

phillw wrote: »

I understand it. It's the classic "why buy the cow when you get the milk for free".

I don't understand why the GF wants to setup house with the guy.



From what I could tell that was what he agreed before they moved in together, but he's played her.

In what way has he played her, what's he getting free? He's paying his share of market rent for the place they live in. All he isn't doing is save as much as the OP wants him to to use as a deposit to buy a house (which has been chosen by her dad).

pearl123

Ames wrote: »

Am I the only one who can understand they BF's reluctance? (Well, as much as I understand anything about this thread). I wouldn't want to buy the house picked out by my girlfriend's dad when she was 18, especially not when I was so young myself. Think of the future - would they be able to sell the house if ten years down the line it doesn't suit them, or would they get a lot of emotional pressure? What kind of father even has that level of input into where his daughter lives as an adult, is he as contolling in other aspects?

Plus, the OP is 22 and the BF is 24, that's pretty young to be settling down anyway, never mind with a mortgage. Is he just being realistic that relationships which start when one partner is a teenager aren't usually the ones that last forever?

24 is young to have your future mapped out. Has the OP had discussions about what they want for the future, rather than what they feel they should do? Does the BF want to travel, or have the freedom to move to another town, go back to education, change careers - all things that would be harder with the pressure of having to pay a mortgage.

I could be way off the mark, but I don't think it's fair to judge the BF when we don't have his side of the story, and the side we do have is so muddled and confusing.

Absolutely, understand his reluctance to put money towards it. Boyfriend needs a separate solicitor if he ever puts money towards buying the home to look after his interests.