We're aware that some users are experiencing technical issues which the team are working to resolve. See the Community Noticeboard for more info. Thank you for your patience.
📨 Have you signed up to the Forum's new Email Digest yet? Get a selection of trending threads sent straight to your inbox daily, weekly or monthly!

Boyfriend Not Saving

Options
Hiya


Hopefully someone can help and let me know how to approach!


5 years ago my dad bought a house which he rented out and I would pay him back the deposit (£50,000) Last year me and my partner decided we would both pay my dad back within 5 years.
We have worked it that we would need to save £350.00 per month in order to do this. All was ok when we suggested it and it was do-able for both of us. He is on a more money and less outgoings, I am finding it tight.


However we are now 2 months in and he hasn't bothered and isn't showing any signs of starting to save. I have asked him about it to which he replies he can't afford to save the £350 however can afford to buy "luxury" items. When I ask about it he just gets annoyed and says I don't have a say on what he buys. I have offered to reduce the saving and pay dad back over a longer time but says he will have it and to not get involved. I have asked if maybe he doesn't want to buy the house back which is ok I just want the truth.


I don't want it to get 5 years down the line, I have my half and he doesn't have anything. Last year we were buying the house and then re-mortgaging after the fixed rate and paying dad back that way, he freaked and didn't want to buy it anymore so we are now renting (paying double to what the mortgage monthly costs would have been)


Is there anything else I can suggest or am I being to selfish asking him about the "luxury" items?


xx
Viewed House: 29/02/2020
Offer made: 29/02/2020
Offer accepted: 01/03/2020
Exchanged contracts: 13/05/2020
Completed: 13/05/2020
«13456711

Comments

  • lika_86
    lika_86 Posts: 1,786 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 1,000 Posts Name Dropper Combo Breaker
    Your post is somewhat confusing. Who owns the house? Who lives there? Are you just renting the house? Or another house?

    Ultimately you and your partner need to decide what you both want to do about this as it's a big thing and it sounds at the moment like he doesn't want what you do. Then if you both agree I suggest you both sit down and work out a budget and put away whatever savings you need to and can afford at the start of the month.
  • mark5
    mark5 Posts: 1,364 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 1,000 Posts Name Dropper Combo Breaker
    I'm guessing they have bought her dads buy to let off him or are planning to do so?
  • Did your Dad buy the property to do this and you hoped that your partner at the time would go along with it? Does he like the house? Is he the same age as you (and even if same age, if he's early 20s, does he want that commitment?).
    It isn't clear why you would need to pay your Dad the deposit, you'd still need to raise the mortgage. If you're struggling to save £700 a month, you'll struggle with a mortgage and maintenance
  • Guest101
    Guest101 Posts: 15,764 Forumite
    han_nah95 wrote: »
    Hiya


    Hopefully someone can help and let me know how to approach!


    5 years ago my dad bought a house which he rented out and I would pay him back the deposit (£50,000) Last year me and my partner decided we would both pay my dad back within 5 years. - renting to you? is he declaring this income?
    We have worked it that we would need to save £350.00 per month in order to do this. All was ok when we suggested it and it was do-able for both of us. He is on a more money and less outgoings, I am finding it tight.


    However we are now 2 months in and he hasn't bothered and isn't showing any signs of starting to save. I have asked him about it to which he replies he can't afford to save the £350 however can afford to buy "luxury" items. When I ask about it he just gets annoyed and says I don't have a say on what he buys. - indeed. I have offered to reduce the saving and pay dad back over a longer time but says he will have it and to not get involved. I have asked if maybe he doesn't want to buy the house back which is ok I just want the truth.


    I don't want it to get 5 years down the line, I have my half and he doesn't have anything. Last year we were buying the house and then re-mortgaging after the fixed rate and paying dad back that way, he freaked and didn't want to buy it anymore so we are now renting (paying double to what the mortgage monthly costs would have been)


    Is there anything else I can suggest or am I being to selfish asking him about the "luxury" items?


    xx
    It depends on what it is and what you spend. Saving £700 a month is a big ask for many couples
  • Ozzuk
    Ozzuk Posts: 1,884 Forumite
    Eighth Anniversary 1,000 Posts
    You have two issues, one your boyfriend obviously has issues he isn't willing to discuss with you. Sit him down and ask to discuss it calmly and find out what his concerns are. Maybe setup a direct debit each so it can be forgotten about.

    Second issue, I have no idea what the ownership arrangement is but its a mess. Does the mortgage company know your dad is 'renting' to family? Does he declare the income? There could be tax implications for him and you. Why are you paying back a deposit? Are you intending to buy the property? If so, just get a mortgage. All seems very odd.
  • Did your Dad buy the property to do this and you hoped that your partner at the time would go along with it? Does he like the house? Is he the same age as you (and even if same age, if he's early 20s, does he want that commitment?).
    It isn't clear why you would need to pay your Dad the deposit, you'd still need to raise the mortgage. If you're struggling to save £700 a month, you'll struggle with a mortgage and maintenance


    My dad bought the property 4 years ago for me to pay him back gradually - however things happened quicker than anticipated and a year ago my partner suggested buying the house off my dad, during the buying process my boyfriend freaked so we ended up moving in but renting it. He has lived in the house for the last year and has helped decorate and sort the garden. I am 22 and my partner is 24.
    The mortgage we would have had when we were buying it was £420 we are now paying £750.00 rent. For all rent and bills we both pay in £550.00 and then the supposedly £350.00 saving.
    Viewed House: 29/02/2020
    Offer made: 29/02/2020
    Offer accepted: 01/03/2020
    Exchanged contracts: 13/05/2020
    Completed: 13/05/2020
  • Ozzuk wrote: »
    You have two issues, one your boyfriend obviously has issues he isn't willing to discuss with you. Sit him down and ask to discuss it calmly and find out what his concerns are. Maybe setup a direct debit each so it can be forgotten about.

    Second issue, I have no idea what the ownership arrangement is but its a mess. Does the mortgage company know your dad is 'renting' to family? Does he declare the income? There could be tax implications for him and you. Why are you paying back a deposit? Are you intending to buy the property? If so, just get a mortgage. All seems very odd.


    Sorry - I didn't explain myself properly.


    I am 22 and he is 24. My dad bought the property 4 years ago for me to pay him back the £50,000 deposit and then the house was mine. (I was to young to be put on the buy to let mortgage) Yes he declares it along with his other 3 properties!


    We were just going to buy it last year to save all problems however during the process he freaked and wouldn't go further - a year down the line and renting and living in the property he decided 4 months ago he was ready to start paying it back. Agreed £350.00 a month each and due to start 2 months ago however he hasn't started saving.


    We are paying the deposit back to buy the house off dad. We can't "just get a mortgage" as we would have to pay to get out of the fixed term, this runs out in 5 years - hence the paying dad back for then.
    Viewed House: 29/02/2020
    Offer made: 29/02/2020
    Offer accepted: 01/03/2020
    Exchanged contracts: 13/05/2020
    Completed: 13/05/2020
  • Your boyfriend seems to 'freak' at the drop of a hat.

    Is he ok?
  • Your boyfriend seems to 'freak' at the drop of a hat.

    Is he ok?


    He is very good at communicating and I don't have any doubts about him (I think because he is so open about everything). He knows I am confused why he suggests and then when we go through with it he just freaks. He did leave me for a week when we were buying last year.


    Sometimes I get the feeling he says what I want to hear?!
    Viewed House: 29/02/2020
    Offer made: 29/02/2020
    Offer accepted: 01/03/2020
    Exchanged contracts: 13/05/2020
    Completed: 13/05/2020
  • He sounds great.
This discussion has been closed.
Meet your Ambassadors

🚀 Getting Started

Hi new member!

Our Getting Started Guide will help you get the most out of the Forum

Categories

  • All Categories
  • 350.9K Banking & Borrowing
  • 253.1K Reduce Debt & Boost Income
  • 453.5K Spending & Discounts
  • 243.9K Work, Benefits & Business
  • 598.7K Mortgages, Homes & Bills
  • 176.9K Life & Family
  • 257.1K Travel & Transport
  • 1.5M Hobbies & Leisure
  • 16.1K Discuss & Feedback
  • 37.6K Read-Only Boards

Is this how you want to be seen?

We see you are using a default avatar. It takes only a few seconds to pick a picture.