Tring to lose weight - accusations and blame

Gavin83

Just focus on your own weight loss, it'll motivate her. No one wants to be the fat partner of someone in great shape.

FBaby

She is blaming you because it's easier than facing the fact that she is letting herself down. Seeing you losing the weight is only going to make her feel worse.

There is nothing you can do. She is not losing the weight because of the choices she is making. The only thing you can do is give her encouragement that she'll get there too, that it is ok if it doesn't happen so quickly, that you understand how hard it is for her because of her exhaustion (maybe her work is more demanding than yours). Be supportive and mean it.

pollypenny

We lost weight together last year using 5:2 and the brilliant recipes in Mimi Spencer's book.

I'm finding maintaining easy, but OH is maintaining, too, in spite of having another stone to lose. My weight had crept up after retirement, he has been overweight for years and full of excuses. You can't make someone do it - they have to want to.

onlyroz

Can she exercise at work? No need for fancy gym memberships. Spend 5 mins each hour going up and down the stairs and then go out for a lunchtime run a few times a week.

andygb

I am definitely going to keep my nuts hidden in future, and that will stop her nibbling them, unless she manages to find them when I am asleep:eek:
She always maintains that it is easier for blokes to lose weight than women, but I hit back with women's "equal rights", so she can't really argue that one.
Her job involves a lot of standing up, and she doesn't snack between meals.
She is now eating three meals a day, whilst I am still on two (as well as going to the gym). I also try to keep to the 5:2 diet (Don't go to the gym on those two days though, because I think I would pass out).
I am fortunate that I don't have a sweet tooth, and the cashew nuts are my guilty pleasure.
I have just noticed the amount of typos in my original post - shocking, must get a proof reader - or perhaps stop posting when inebriated:D

IAmWales

andygb wrote: »

She always maintains that it is easier for blokes to lose weight than women, but I hit back with women's "equal rights", so she can't really argue that one.

Women's and men's bodies are different, and men do tend to metabolise food at a faster rate than women. Equal rights have nothing to do with it, unless you're suggesting you bleed for a week a month too?

It sounds like she has a tendency to binge, and that's not something that can be overcome by telling her not to eat it, or preaching portion control. if one of her trigger foods is cashew nuts then the kind thing to do would be not to have them in the house at all.

IAmWales

Deleted%20User wrote: »

I know it sounds cruel but how about embarrassing someone into realising themselves they need to change - It only took me being walked very quickly to the point of running up 4 flights of stairs recently at the start of a rather important interview, I lost my breath and couldn't get it back until the interview was very nearly finished. I was really ashamed I let myself go after my week away back in July...
So could you find something like a nice windmill with a lot of steps to climb and time each other in the friendliest cruel to be kind way.

Otherwise I get a lot of motivation, competitiveness, guilt from my fit bit !
Parents will moan if they haven't tracked me doing anything!

Fat shaming, which is what you describe, is a horrible thing to do. Anybody with an issue with food would react to that by finding comfort in food.

And shoving the person doing the shaming down the stairs.

goodwithsaving

andygb wrote: »

She always maintains that it is easier for blokes to lose weight than women, but I hit back with women's "equal rights", so she can't really argue that one.

What the hell does equal rights have to do with losing weight. Men and women store fat differently. Stupid comment.

With her not acknowledging that only she can control what she eats, and you with this response, you both sound childish.

Gloomendoom

goodwithsaving wrote: »

What the hell does equal rights have to do with losing weight. Men and women store fat differently. Stupid comment.

With her not acknowledging that only she can control what she eats, and you with this response, you both sound childish.

Whoosh!

I strongly suspect that the intent behind the OP's comment was humour.

trailingspouse

The only way that someone will lose weight is if they want to. Deep down want to. There has to be a catalyst of some sort, and you can't make it happen on their behalf.

My OH had said he wanted to lose weight for years. Had asked me not to buy chocolate, crisps etc - but then complained if there weren't any in the house. The moment came when we'd been away on holiday and someone took a photo of him on the beach - his belly was hanging out under his T-shirt. In that moment, he decided that he didn't want to be that fat bloke on the beach. Since then he's lost 2 stone, kept it off for 3 months, and is thinking about losing a bit more.

But he had to get to that point on his own. You can't do it for her.