Advice - ex-SIL had a baby - unsure of paternity

pimento

x.sophie.x wrote: »

I also feel sorry for the new guy (if he never knew about her deceit) and his unsuspecting family. His family seem so nice, and they have no idea what kind of 'woman' he's bought into their lives.

I can hear Judge Judy saying ".. well, you picked him!"

Zeni

euronorris wrote: »

I think, morally speaking, other guys deserves to know that the child might not biologically be his and your BIL deserves to know if the child is his or not. What each of them then do with the information after that, is up to them.


I really don't see how continuing deceit is helpful in this situation.


And to those seeing this only from a financial perspective, all I can say is 'wow!'. There is a child involved here, and it seems like both potential fathers would like the opportunity to be just that, a father. This issue is not purely a financial one, nor should it be considered as such.

This! I'm suprised at comments saying just leave the new guy to it. Imagine he has no idea and then will spend the rest of his life raising a child he thinks is his own and then turns out one its not. He deserves to know there is a chance that it could not be his. The catty side of me thinks the woman deserves some comeuppance too for all shes done, I cant believe she is pretty much getting away scott free!

gingercordial

hazyjo wrote: »

Will be a reason for divorce, but won't make it easier as such. Can't divorce for adultery (too long ago and it's generally not advised anyway) so it'll be unreasonable behaviour.

Not sure why you say this. Yes he could divorce her for adultery.
The time limit aspect is that your window for doing so runs out if you are still living together six months after you find out about the cheating. In this case he found out in June 2017 and I don't think OP has said if they are still living together. If they are still living together he has until December 2017 to start proceedings on this ground. If she has gone off to live with the other man there is no such time limit.

"Not advised" - what is generally not advised is to name the third person on the divorce petition, as that means all the court documents need to go to them as well and that can delay things. However the naming bit is entirely optional and there's nothing "wrong" with using adultery as a ground in general. You do have to say how you know it happened ie what evidence you have - the other person admitting it to you is fine, the other person running off with someone else saying it is their baby is even clearer.

Mojisola

x.sophie.x wrote: »

We don't know who the father of the baby is.

My question is - until paternity is established (my BIL is asking for a paternity test) will she be able to register the baby as the new fellas child?

Is there anything that says she can't do this as she is married?

I will assume she will take the new guy to register the baby.

She has several options.

She can register the baby by herself and ask for no father to be named.

She can register the baby by herself, say she is married and her husband's name will be added as the father.

She and the new man can register the baby together and he can give his name as the father. She won't have to lie about being married for this to happen.

SuperHan

CSA can assume that the BIL is the baby's father as they were married at the time of conception and birth. It would be good to get this straightened out now, otherwise she could come after your BIL for back CSA pay in 17 years saying the child was his.


Much easier to sort out now than in future!

hazyjo

gingercordial wrote: »

Not sure why you say this. Yes he could divorce her for adultery.
The time limit aspect is that your window for doing so runs out if you are still living together six months after you find out about the cheating. In this case he found out in June 2017 and I don't think OP has said if they are still living together. If they are still living together he has until December 2017 to start proceedings on this ground. If she has gone off to live with the other man there is no such time limit.

"Not advised" - what is generally not advised is to name the third person on the divorce petition, as that means all the court documents need to go to them as well and that can delay things. However the naming bit is entirely optional and there's nothing "wrong" with using adultery as a ground in general. You do have to say how you know it happened ie what evidence you have - the other person admitting it to you is fine, the other person running off with someone else saying it is their baby is even clearer.

Been a tough day - brain read it as 2016 (finding out, realise it was the marriage and a whole year later they found out).


My first marriage ended for the same reason. Was a long time ago and forgot you could choose not to name them.


I'll get me coat...

Mojisola

SuperHan wrote: »

CSA can assume that the BIL is the baby's father as they were married at the time of conception and birth. It would be good to get this straightened out now, otherwise she could come after your BIL for back CSA pay in 17 years saying the child was his.

I don't think child maintenance can be back-dated like this.

Doesn't the responsibility to pay only start when an official claim is made?

Mojisola

x.sophie.x wrote: »

my BIL is asking for a paternity test

If he wants this to be accepted by the Child Maintenance Service or the courts, he will need to use a company that is approved by them.

gingercordial

hazyjo wrote: »

Been a tough day - brain read it as 2016 (finding out, realise it was the marriage and a whole year later they found out).


My first marriage ended for the same reason. Was a long time ago and forgot you could choose not to name them.


I'll get me coat...

No problem and sorry if my post came across as a bit harsh, which in reading it back it might have done. Same here!

TonyMMM

The rules of registration are quite clear.

As a married woman she can register the birth and name her husband as the father without him being there - however if she does so KNOWING that is false she commits perjury.

She can register the birth on her own with no father named .... that is her choice, being married makes no difference.

She can attend with her new partner and register together showing him as the father - again if they know that to be false it would be an offence of perjury. The fact she is married to someone else is irrelevant.

If she genuinely doesn't know and a later DNA test proves that she was wrong, a correction can be made to the registration, but that is quite an involved process.