diary of strugglin working mum

Mollymop5

Oh bartGirl just catching up.Have a big ((((hug))) from me.please think of 2009 as the year to break free.You're doing so well in your money managemant ect that you really need to start putting YOU first.Remember I've been there and come out the otherside it can be done

BartGirl

Beckseven: you are very right that I can definitely do better without GFN around – and yes 2009 is going to have to be my ‘year out’..literally!!!

Molly: thanks so much for your everlasting support. I have had a busy-ish weekend which coincided with payday..I am already feeling brassic even though I have only £150 left from my wages!! I’ll explain why..

Got paid on Fri and decided to go straight to bank and pay all the bills etc. So I did the C Tax, CC got £100 towards it, BT quarterly is £35 but I have changed that now to a monthly payment plan cos they take the DD like a day or two before payday which always catches me unawares..I also put a fair amount into my savings too. I daren’t put actual figures on here in case GFN ever gets hold of this – which is why I took it off my signature..so although the savings has actually just hit the ‘first k’ I still have a fair way to go.. So having paid everything out – it left me with £150 ‘spare’ which I had to pay for food; petrol; miscellaneous. So I promptly went down to Aldi and spent £35 for the month. Their veg was really good this time round. A HUGE cauli for 39p!! The went to butcher and spent £17 for the month although shall pop into another and prob spend a tenner in there. Petrol full tank was £35 which I shall try really hard to make last the month and I made sure that amongst my shop I had bits for work so that it would help me to not spend any money at work! Breakfast bars; crisps; packet soups etc! I also brought in pasta for today. I am quite fortunate that this month I have a few training courses scheduled away from work which will involve them feeding me too – so less spent on food; work-wise!!

I also went to the market and bought spuds, apples, oranges, lettuce and tomatoes all for £4.50. Tonight I shall make lamb chops with asparagus – first time making that!! – and cauli cheese ..again!! The thing is the cauli is huge so I’ll split it to make it last 2 meals. I need to make a meal plan for this week me thinks…

My laptop has gone to the Dr.’s..DS dropped it on the floor and so on Fri I dropped it off to be fixed. The screen had gone all funny and was ‘jumping’ but you could squeeze’ certain corners of it – and then it would settle and be OK until you jerked it again.. I hope it wont be too costly – I’m hoping for the best cos when he was asking me questions like ‘any fluid leaking’ ‘any cracks or visible damage’ and there was none of that he seemed hopeful and said its probably just a loose connection. I am missing internet banking etc. I do rely on my laptop for that..

I am fuming with Quidco though – or should I say LoveFilm. I was due £20 from them at end Oct but now its saying end Nov and I was kindof relying on that to go into my savings account and boost it up a little! I really need to get my a*** in gear and start Ebaying properly now me thinks..I shall also start doing what I did at the start of this diary – and any spare cash at week end goes into my savings account..hence the whole internet banking thing!..

I also had it out with the Water people the other day. I have been paying about £40 a month to them via direct debit..and decided to call them up and find out what my actual consumption is cos I find that quite steep. I then find out that our block of flats has only had 1 reading in the last year; Sept 08 and Sept 07 – which apparently is legal ?? and based on those two readings..and the amount of water my flat has consumed between those 2 dates – I should have been paying them £17/month!!!!! So there is actually a credit on my account of about £30ish quid – for which I have told them I will accept a cheque quite happily. The lady then says that is not a Real credit???? And shall remain on the account..i pointed out that I’d have appreciated the fact that they could have Told Me that I was overpaying cos as we all know – had I owed THEM any money; they would have been hassling me no end..So apparently they shall review my account now and decide on what my new direct debit amount should be. I pointed out that something in the region of £17 sounds about right?????:mad: :mad: :mad:

poorbabe

Hi BG :hello:

I really do think you should set up a consultancy (online at first) offering your services to people on how to stretch the finances, up their cooking skills and food shopping . I am always amazed at how you do so well at the things you do, especially with GFN taking up space and energy.

You could start with us single folk, then work your way up to mother and children groups. Lord knows I could do with someone like you in my neighbourhood to give me a kicking to do more in sorting out my life/finances than I currently do:rotfl::o:rolleyes:

You're :A

sans_2

How's things BG?

sans_2

Hope you are ok BG. Take care!!

liana_y2kuk

Hey bartgirl where are you?

basketcase

Was wondering how BG was myself!

Mollymop5

BartGirl hasn't been on MSE since 25/11.


Hope everything is ok.I know things can get busy over christmas but if you do happen to pop on let us know how you are

rkirstjm

I hope you are ok and that the reason you havn't been on is that you are just so busy and nothing else

BartGirl

So so so so much has happened since I was last on here. I must first start by thanking you ALL for your messages of concern. I know most of u will want to know if GFN is still around or if I’ve gone yet. None of those things have happened yeat – but shall fill you in on ‘the latest’ nevertheless..

Lets get the carp out the way first – which obviously would be GFN related.

We have continued to have what I can only call blazing rows – over the last few weeks. Its actually really only the usual bickering and squabbling but it has really really really brought me doooooown and forced me into doing a lot of hard hard thinking. This is mainly because I have turned up very solemn and teary-eyed while dropping DS off and one day my lovely childminder kindly pulled me aside and said that DS has started asking the kids if they like him and if he’s still their friend…I obviously at this point had to explain some of what was going on at the BartGirl Mansion..but what really saddened me the most is that she also said that he has recently quieter and withdrawn which is totally out of character for DS. This absolutely tore me apart. But has now made me steadfast in my decision to get out. I truly have no choice. I am a third of the way in aiming to hit my target in terms of savings; and this is truly spurring me on no end. I have had a little glitch where my laptop screen died and a replacement cost a tidy £120 which was unavoidable really – but it came out of the savings coffers anyway…

Meanwhile the rows have continued and on Sunday we reached an almighty head. GFN as usual woke up in a stinking mood – at about 2 o'clock????? I’d been up all morning – out to the market; butchers etc then made a chicken stew. He decided that he didn’t like ‘the look of it’ it was ‘too busy’ apparently – and I said to him he could at least have the courtesy to Try Some before he dismisses my cooking like that – oh boy – it all kicked off Big Style at that point.. he was mouthing off about how dare I speak to him ‘with that tone of voice' and needless to say I lost it.
This is not like me at all – I find it quite easy to keep my cool and ‘hold my breath and count to ten’ but this time I decided to let rip..poor DS was shouting at us ‘stop argooin’ and GFN shouted back ‘go into your room and don’t dare come out or else’ poor lil DS took off..then he went on and on about how my cooking is disgusting its inedible etc etc he’s got enough on his plate financially; family wise (his side of the family) that the last thing he needs is to be given something to eat that is not to his liking. I pointed out to him that he’s done no complaining in the past 6ish years – to which he pointed out that he had been polite and suffering in silence…boll*** to that!

I really started yelling and he turned to ignore me and watch the telly so I stood in front of it and switched it off. Told him he better listen to me when I talk to him blah-blah-blah. He said he cant afford to buy take-aways cos he’s always skint otherwise the food from there tastes better than mine..so I walked off. All along in my head I was saying ‘he’s got to go – he’s got to go’. I went to get dressed and DS came creeping into my bedroom quietly. He’d been crying and said ‘I want to watch cartoons but if I come out of my room daddy wont be happy with me’. So I gave him a cuddle and said it was alright for him to go watch cartoons and led him to the living room where GFN had put the footy back on. I told him to switch the channels over and then I walked out.

It was about 6pm now and freezing cold outside. I got into the car and drove to a supermarket carpark and cried and cried and cried. I called my best-est mate in the whole wide world and she was absolutely livid. She reminded me how DS is being affected and how much weight I’ve lost (from a healthy size 12 to a size 8 now) and she said that every time she sees me I just look weaker and weaker and that I’m becoming a very ‘hard’ person. As in – my emotions and perspective on things.. I love her to bits and I appreciate all that she’s said to me cos I know it’s the honest to goodness truth. I went back home an hour later and it was E the next day – he’d started putting decorations up – I said nowt and DS and I went to bed.
We said little to each other the next morning and spent the day at the in-laws. They are really nice people and I didn’t see much of him at all cos there were so many people about. Needless to say he bought our son diddly squat.. nothing new there. !!!!!!.

Then yesterday he came and told me that ‘we needed to talk’. This was a shocker. Although he ‘lectures’ as opposed to talks. In any case..he sat me down (This is a first) and said that he has realised that he’s always always angry and he doesn’t know why. He thinks that its because he’s not achieved as much as he should have done by his age and feels a failure. [strike](too busy keeping up with the joneses)[/strike]. He realises that he’s always shouting and snapping unnecessarily and that there’s nothing that me or anyone else can do to help him. He said that he feels that I have done all I possibly could to try and help him be happy – but that he has to start doing something for himself now. I just shrugged.
He went on and on about how he’d made a decision that if he was not happy then no-one else around him should be either…(how fcuked up is that??) and that if anyone says anything that he didn’t like the sound of – his aim would be to set them straight. He said that could be the tiniest of things; no matter how irrelevant the issue is. I was stunned. I still am – TBH. He also then said that part of the reason he wont get up till gone midday is that he doesn’t want to be a part of "DS and I" cos we’re happy together and he doesn’t want to ruin that with his moodiness. But that if he’s not happy – then there’s no point of the family anyway ??? (fckin weirdo – honestly).

That’s apparently also the reason while he stays up at night – cant sleep – doing his habit – helps him forget then gets extra tired so that he can sleep. He said he realises that he’s suffering from depression and that when he’s away from our house he forgets it all but once he returns it’s a reminder to him that (a) he’s not happy with his family and that’s he’s not able to provide for them and (b) he’s in so much debt – no savings – wants to start a business but no capital etc etc blah blah blah. Again I didn’t comment cos quite frankly – don’t give two hoots! Mwahahahahahaha. I asked him if he intended to address his issues and said he did not know how to. Said that he’s been trying by basically working his stress off at the gym. He said it was not fair for him to treat us the way that he has been – but I’m ashamed to say this; but it fell on deaf ears. I hear him – I see the sincerity – but I am not touched by it now I’m afraid. And I also think that when I went away for that hour he realised that I’m possibly on the way out..or rather that I have the capability. He said ‘ I see the look on your face when I walk into the room and I see fear and upset and I don’t like that’. Again I just shrugged. I do cower out of his way – that’s so true. Cos he’s a nightmare to be around.

In any case. He woke up bright and early the next day and started telephoning his debtors – they talked him into consolidation – I said nothing and didn’t get involved although I was around while the calls were made. He seems really relieved now and has been going around in really good spirits..in the meantime I have been ridden with a terrible ‘flu and although he’s done nothing towards helping out round the house or with DS – he text me this morning asking how I’m feeling cos I had a rough night last night.. I am yet to reply..i know this wont last and that he’ll be back to his moody arrogant self in due course. Watch this space…

Now that the GFN update is out of the way lets talk DFW-stuff!! With it being E this month I made really good use of the MOCs that appeared thru this site and got myself bargains from Wooly’s; New Look and GAP! I got DS his e pressie which I saved a tenner on - original price £40. Then I needed a winter coat for myself. I considered both GAP and New Look. The Gap 1 I like was £100 but would’ve reduced to £70. The New Look one was originally £50 – which was my budget – then they had an offer on it of a tenner off – then with my MOC it came to £32 I was ecstatic. Its lovely and warm and fits like a glove !!! I then treated DS to GAP trousers with the 30%off MOC cos I ordinarily wouldn’t have spent that much on trousers – but its for E etc. I also went into Adams using the MOC from here and bought loadsa winter clothing for DS cos he was still in last winters gear! I am ever so grateful to this site.

In the meantime I have started seeing my counsellor again – which is good because I feel that I still need that support network. Unfortunately she’s being transferred to another office so I get another one; but I’ll cross that bridge when I come to it. I also went to see the lovely lady in my local DV unit – the one I was referred to through Women’s Aid. I told her how far I’d gotten using her advice and she was really encouraging – she also talked me through why I may want to involve my parents etc at some point and also what the legal process would be once I decide that ‘the time has come’. As she said ‘forewarned is forearmed’ so now I’m on a mission to find an affordable lawyer as I know I wont qualify for legal aid – and in the meantime stumbled across this interesting website: wiki vorce dot com. I have told my manager at work that I’m having serious marital issues and he’s been extremely supportive and I explained that I would probably be asking GFN to leave at some point – he asked if it could get messy – confrontational etc – I answered that I honestly don’t know how he’ll react – but he said that if I keep him informed then closer to the time if things kick off and I need time off unexpectedly I should just let him know and he’ll sort out something for me..what a star. In the meantime – its strictly confidential. Brilliant!

Financially I have decided that its time to ‘up my game’. The house is full of books that NEED to be on either Amazon or Ebay and I am going to start putting them on this evening – I’ve decided a target of £100/ month which I may ‘top up’ with mystery shopping and Quidco-ing. Although something weird happened with them – I was due £20 thru them for changing over my elec provider but it came into my account as £15 ?? it tracked as £20 but in the payments section is comes up as £15. the only thing I can think of is that is there a yearly fee payable to Quidco ? cos it is a year since I signed up ? I dunno…..any ideas ?

Other than that I am also on a mission to become financially savvy. Am reading books that should inspire me..more on this later..am shattered!

Thanks for reading all this ramble…

- BartGirl..