At what age would you let your child/teen...

barbarawright

onlyroz wrote: »

So you're saying I *should* let my 8-year-old shave her legs?

If her legs are hairy enough to cause her embarassment and she wants to, why not? Not that it occurred to me to ask permission.

LilElvis

barbarawright wrote: »

Then you'll have to make sure your razors/wax/creams etc are locked up. I can't have been the only 12 year old to use my mum's Immac without asking. Ditto quite a lot of her other stuff. It's what kids do

There is a world of difference between an 8 year old and a 12 year old. Puberty for one. I would certainly want to know why an 8 year old wanted to shave her legs as at that age they shouldn't be looking to be mini adults because they are very child-like. This from someone whose daughter will be 7 in a few days.

barbarawright

LilElvis wrote: »

There is a world of difference between an 8 year old and a 12 year old. Puberty for one. I would certainly want to know why an 8 year old wanted to shave her legs as at that age they shouldn't be looking to be mini adults because they are very child-like. This from someone whose daughter will be 7 in a few days.

Some 8 year olds have reached puberty. But my point is, there are some things you shouldn't be trying to control, IMO, and one of them is children's relationships with their own body. I didn't feel I had to ask anyone's permission to shave my legs any more than I asked permission to use tampons rather than sanitary towels. It's not like a child is asking to tattoo a fairy princess of her face.

But I'm still curious to know how a girl will be prevented from experimenting with these things. Surely everyone pokes around in the bathroom cabinet and gives things a try?

peachyprice

LilElvis wrote: »

There is a world of difference between an 8 year old and a 12 year old. Puberty for one. I would certainly want to know why an 8 year old wanted to shave her legs as at that age they shouldn't be looking to be mini adults because they are very child-like. This from someone whose daughter will be 7 in a few days.

It's not that unusual for an 8yo to have reached puberty.

It may well transpire that there is a girl in Onlyroz's daughter's class who has started their periods, has breast buds, need to use deodorant and has started getting more hair/shaving their legs and her daughter thinks it's the done thing for all 8yos.

LilElvis

barbarawright wrote: »

Some 8 year olds have reached puberty. But my point is, there are some things you shouldn't be trying to control, IMO, and one of them is children's relationships with their own body. I didn't feel I had to ask anyone's permission to shave my legs any more than I asked permission to use tampons rather than sanitary towels. It's not like a child is asking to tattoo a fairy princess of her face.

But I'm still curious to know how a girl will be prevented from experimenting with these things. Surely everyone pokes around in the bathroom cabinet and gives things a try?

Some? What percentage? Its exceptionally early from my experience. I would never deny my daughter access to sanitary products but that isn't related in any way to shaving legs. I'm 50 and started my periods at age 9 - the first in my year and teased for the sanitary towels in my pe bag. I wouldn't wish that on my daughter but I also don't see the need for her to shave her legs - there is a difference between dealing with a maturing body and feeling that her body is less than perfect the way it is. For her birthday she wants Lego, dolls, a bicycle and a ridiculous cake - she's going to be 7 for heavens sake, and that's exactly what she should want, not to be a teenager half a lifetime early.

onlyroz

To be clear, my daughter is nowhere near puberty. She has some idea in her head about being "grown up" and knows that some grown up women shave their legs. She has fine blond hair on her legs which I suppose she could in theory shave off but I really think this would be a counterproductive way of feeding her whims.

As for kids raiding the bathroom cabinet and stealing mum's cosmetics, tampax and shaving equipment - I certainly never did this as a child. In our case now, we have two bathrooms and the one the kids use doesn't have any such things in.

In a couple of years time of course I'm not going to deny her access to sanitary products or prevent her from shaving if she wants to, but I think now it's far too soon and she should concentrate on being a child. For similar reasons I'm reluctant to let her experiment with make-up.

peachyprice

I would talk to her about why she wants to shave them. You think they're barely visible but does she feel the same? Has someone at school said something to her?

My daughter is very hairy, she has been from birth, her legs didn't trouble her so much but she got teased about her arms at primary school, she first wanted to shave them at around 9, I managed to talk her out of it until she was around 10, during her last year at primary, to me the pricklyness would be worse than the hair, but she did it eventually and still does now. I'm just grateful she can't see the back of her own shoulders too.

I do think you're being a little naive if you think that if she's got her heart set on doing it that she wouldn't go into your bathroom and use your/your husband's razor though.

KateBob

onlyroz wrote: »

...do the following things?


- Wear nail polish 8 but must be off for school
- Wear make-up 11 but must be off for school
- Shave their legs My daughter chose to start at 12
- Walk to/from school alone 9 but we only lived 5 doors from the school and they've never really walked alone but with friends
- Stay at home alone for 30 mins 10
- Stay at home alone for a few hours 11
- Stay at home alone overnight Not yet but they are still only 15/12, I suspect it won't be for some time
- Go out (to the park/shops/cinema etc) unsupervised in a group 10
- Go out unsupervised alone 11
- Travel on a bus/train alone 12
- Watch a 12-rated film 12
- Watch a 15-rated film 15
- Watch an 18-rated film Not yet
- Have a few sips of an alcoholic drink They've both tried wine from a young age
- Have a weak alcoholic drink (e.g. shandy, spritzer) See above
- Have a strong alcoholic drink (e.g. beer, wine) Not at home yet but my 15 yo daughter has tried it at a friends, we discussed it and she knows that we just want her to be safe. Basically call us if she needs help no matter what the circumstances
- Choose their own clothes Since they've had an opinion, same with hair (as long as it doesn't break school rules)
- Have a mobile phone 11, I know their passcodes etc
- Have a TV/computer/console in their room Not happened yet but they do take their phones in but the 12 yo has to bring his down at 10 because he won't stay off it at night
- Have unsupervised internet access They get internet access but we monitor it through a computer programme and block some sites/words.
- Have a social media account 11 but I know their passcodes and have been known to check (they are well aware of this)


Just curious, being the parent of 8 and 12-year-olds who are keen to get on with "growing up".

Every child is different though and I wouldn't necessarily do this for every child.
I also suspect our second child get's his freedom earlier just because he's the 2nd!

System

- Wear nail polish

My little niece has worn nail polish since she was about 3! Not all the time, of course, and she may not be allowed to wear it at school

- Shave their legs

As soon as they are able to use a razor safely. About 10?

- Have a mobile phone

a standard feature phone, about 11
smartphone or anything that allows access to the internet, at least 16

- Have a TV/computer/console in their room

never

- Have unsupervised internet access
- Have a social media account

Probably about 16-18, if they could show that they were able to use it responsibly, to limit their time online, and to not get up to no good on there.

bylromarha

DD 11, DS 13. DD more mature than DS.

onlyroz wrote: »

...do the following things?


- Wear nail polish - she's had loads since age 3. Asks to wear some about once every 6 months.
- Wear make-up - when she begins to show an interest. Puberty is starting to kick in, so suspect it will be around 13.
- Shave their legs - when they become an issue for her - probably 14/15 - as that's when mine started to become unsightly
- Walk to/from school alone - would have been happy with this around age 7 in a quiet residential area, but home/school location meant they've always been driven in.
- Stay at home alone for 30 mins - both have been alone since age 8
- Stay at home alone for a few hours - DD aged 10, DS aged 11 - they now ask to stay home together as they love the peace!
- Stay at home alone overnight - imagine this will be around age 16/17
- Go out (to the park/shops/cinema etc) unsupervised in a group DS still not done this, and not wanted to. DD first went a few months ago aged 10.
- Go out unsupervised alone - DS 8 / DD 6 used to go to the park across the road together alone with me regularly looking out the window. DS been walking to the library alone since age 10. DD going to the shop across the road since age 9.
- Travel on a bus/train alone - age 11, due to secondary school journey. Would have been happy for this to have been earlier, but no need for it.
- Watch a 12-rated film - both from about 9
- Watch a 15-rated film - A modern release, 15. Some 15 films from the 80s would now be 12As, so would be happy for them to watch as long as I knew the film well
- Watch an 18-rated film - 18
- Have a few sips of an alcoholic drink - think they started that about 3!
- Have a weak alcoholic drink (e.g. shandy, spritzer) any time from now if they asked. I remember buying shandy from the shop aged 7.
- Have a strong alcoholic drink (e.g. beer, wine) probably around 14/15 at home if they asked. They both hate the flavour though...long may that last!
- Choose their own clothes around 8 they started to have a say, but they know I get the final say if the slogan is unsuitable or the hemline is too revealing. Again, its never been a problem
- Have a mobile phone they had rubbish phones as cameras/music player aged 7/9 with controlled access. They now have better phones which they can use apps on and mostly use them for games, music and whats apping family. Again, access is limited and they ask to use them rather than having control.
- Have a TV/computer/console in their room - never. DS has a laptop for school + he uses it in common areas of the house
- Have unsupervised internet access - will probably be around age 17 where we try to prepare them for uni.
- Have a social media account - when the sites age allows them and they ask. DS turned 13 10 days ago and OH asked him today if he wanted a Facebook account. DS gave a resounding no and asked why on earth he'd want one.


Just curious, being the parent of 8 and 12-year-olds who are keen to get on with "growing up".