At what age would you let your child/teen...

MrsNubs

I don't have kids but I am really concerned about the leg shaving one. I'm shocked that parents feel this is something they have a right to give "permission" for. When I wanted to shave my legs, I just did it. I cannot imagine a world where my parents would have told me I wasn't "allowed". Body hair is a big deal to pubescent kids and it's something other kids will pick up on and tease them about. Are you saying if your kid was being teased at school you would forbid them to shave their legs because you'd decided they weren't old enough?

Also a bit concerned about the choosing their own clothes one, I had an input into my clothes from a young age. Actually from the time I started refusing to wear clothes my mum had bought me that I didn't like. Kids should be able to express their individuality.

Possibly my views on this don't match up to others, as I said I don't have kids, so I'm basing my views on my own upbringing, and I had very relaxed parents. From the age of 14 I was left home alone for whole weekends while my parents went away very regularly. I walked to and from school with my friends from the age of 7 and walked home from my friends houses from the same age.

Spendless

Location has a lot to do with it too. My son walked to/from school alone from being 9. The school gate was 3 minutes walk from our house but with a road (small residential but busy) to cross, otherwise he'd have probably done it from an earlier age. I know he went to play at a park alone when he was 7 because a park across the road from us got refurbished then. A building obscures the view otherwise I'd have been able to see it from my house, so I had some ground rules. I checked every 20 minutes, just crossing the road opposite my house to go close enough to spot him. If he came back he had to cross the road opposite our house where the road narrows and he was never to wander from the park without coming back and asking me. As he got slightly older he used to often fetch kids back from playing at the park to our house and I used to make every single one of them ring their parents and let them know, pointing out that if they were being looked for their parent/s wouldn't know they were at my place.


My daughter had her 14th birthday earlier this year and this is the year she's become make up obsessed. I can't remember when she first used make up though, it will have been after starting Secondary school.

DS at 17 has still never caught an inter-connecting bus. We live in a large town and all our bus routes go into the town centre and stop. If you want to visit somewhere that's not en-route you need to change buses. To my regret I vetoe's son doing this for the first time when he was 11 and he's never asked/needed to do it again. I objected because he wanted to do it one weekday evening in November and I thought it was too dark and better left until the weekend and it just never happened. He has caught a train to the nearest city around 25 miles away from being 14.5 but always with another child, this was due to an outreach program he got onto. When he started at college last year, he caught the bus, despite accompanying me many times on the train from our village. It wasn't until his 17th birthday when we caught the train to celebrate his birthday at a restaurant and he realised how much quicker it was that he started commuting to college that way by himself.

Annie35

onlyroz wrote: »

...do the following things?


- Wear nail polish 5, but still not trusted to keep them in her room,
allowed to apply herself about 7/8 but prefers i do it, lol
- Wear make-up has her own make up box for 8th birthday thou been used more for face painting patterns & just getting into rainbow eyeshadow
- Shave their legs when it becomes a 'problem' but needs to understand do it once & thats it, it needs to be done ALL THE TIME
- Walk to/from school alone i guess 10ish if she wanted to but would prob let her next year (9) if there were a few friends going together
- Stay at home alone for 30 mins just started doing this this holidays, she settles down with ipad & phone if she needs me, shes never called, lol
- Stay at home alone for a few hours not yet, prob 10ish
- Stay at home alone overnight maybe 15? when theyre capable of doing things for themselves, like making a bit of tea rather then just scoffing crisps
- Go out (to the park/shops/cinema etc) unsupervised in a group probably 12
- Go out unsupervised alone goes out to play now,since about 7 in the local vicinity (shouting distance) could go to the park or corner shop now to meet friends a bit further away
- Travel on a bus/train alonetricky, prob 15
- Watch a 12-rated film 8 depending on content (thou she's still more into barbie films then avengers)
- Watch a 15-rated film maybe 13
- Watch an 18-rated filmlikly expect her to sneak these about 15 id guess
- Have a few sips of an alcoholic drink 8 if asked for curiosity at the table
- Have a weak alcoholic drink (e.g. shandy, spritzer) maybe 12 at a celebration, like christmas day etc
- Have a strong alcoholic drink (e.g. beer, wine) id say 18 but probably expect them to sneak it sooner lol, wouldnt give permission till 16 i dont think thou
- Choose their own clothes try getting a 7yo dressed in something they dont like! she hasnt worn trousers since she was 4 as they're not 'girlish'
- Have a mobile phone prob for going up to scondary school
- Have a TV/computer/console in their room thinking of setting up a telly now as im sick of hearing roblocks vids, dont think she'd ever come down thou, lol
- Have unsupervised internet access tricky, tbh i dont know the exact stuff she's doing sat next to me, so...?
- Have a social media account probably for 2nd school, but would prefer not to be secret as a local girl committed suicide over bullying so its a hot topic really


Just curious, being the parent of 8 and 12-year-olds who are keen to get on with "growing up".

ive an 8 yo, she does most things about now

Gavin83

MrsNubs wrote: »

I don't have kids but I am really concerned about the leg shaving one. I'm shocked that parents feel this is something they have a right to give "permission" for.

I agree with this. I do think there are some things a parent has little right to tell their kids to do/not do and one of those is shaving their legs, or any body hair for that matter. I'd imagine most kids ask because they're self conscious about it.

Of course a parent should define boundaries to their children but there are a few things they really should have no right over.

onlyroz

MrsNubs wrote: »

I don't have kids but I am really concerned about the leg shaving one. I'm shocked that parents feel this is something they have a right to give "permission" for. When I wanted to shave my legs, I just did it. I cannot imagine a world where my parents would have told me I wasn't "allowed". Body hair is a big deal to pubescent kids and it's something other kids will pick up on and tease them about. Are you saying if your kid was being teased at school you would forbid them to shave their legs because you'd decided they weren't old enough?

Also a bit concerned about the choosing their own clothes one, I had an input into my clothes from a young age. Actually from the time I started refusing to wear clothes my mum had bought me that I didn't like. Kids should be able to express their individuality.

So what about when your 8-year-old declares that they want to shave their legs even when they're years from puberty and only have soft downy hair?


As for the clothes, I'm thinking about the age where you'd be happy to wave them off to the shops with some money and give them the total freedom to choose whatever they like.

onlyroz

A few people have said that they would let their child go out alone earlier than they would let them go out in a group. I'm curious why this is - my thinking is that they would be safer in a group, but perhaps other people think differently?

System

I would think they're more likely to get up to mischief as a group than as individuals?

KxMx

As a teenager, I had a friend who wasn't allowed to shave her legs. I was horrified at the time and at 30 I feel the same.

I hit puberty early and with pale skin, black body hair which grows very vigorously....

If the parent doesn't agree then I'd be in favour of a discussion where child explains why they want to shave and parent explains why they disagree.

onlyroz

avogadro wrote: »

I would think they're more likely to get up to mischief as a group than as individuals?

Possibly they are more likely to get up to mischief, but when they are alone they'd be more likely to get mugged, and could get into difficulties if they lost their purse/wallet or became ill/injured.

System

i dont have kids so this is all hypothetical

- Wear nail polish about 7/8 as long as they didn't wear it for school, i was allowed it about that age when a friend bought me some for my birthday
- Wear make-up same age but not our of the house, i'd say 13/14 out of the house
- Shave their legs whenever they felt self concious enough to shave. i got leg hair in year 6 but felt too young to shave so used hair removal creme
- Walk to/from school alone think i was about year 6, it wasnt too far and prepared me for secondary school
- Stay at home alone for 30 mins
- Stay at home alone for a few hours about 13/14
- Stay at home alone overnight about 15
- Go out (to the park/shops/cinema etc) unsupervised in a group i was 14 b3fore i was allowed into town on my own
- Go out unsupervised alone again about 14/15
- Travel on a bus/train alone see above
- Watch a 12-rated film aged 10+ with parental supervision
- Watch a 15-rated film 13 + with parental supervision
- Watch an 18-rated film maybe 15 onwards
- Have a few sips of an alcoholic drink
- Have a weak alcoholic drink (e.g. shandy, spritzer) i was allowed those from about aged 13 with a meal
- Have a strong alcoholic drink (e.g. beer, wine) i was allowed wine woth a meal or for special occasions fro about 14 onwards
- Choose their own clothes lol sore point, my mum still insisted on it well into secondary school but if it were my own kids i'd say about 12
- Have a mobile phone i got my first one at 12 but it was a 3210 and not a smartphone, wouldnt let them have a smartphone will at least 15 and there would be rules on using it
- Have a TV/computer/console in their room i'd say about 13
- Have unsupervised internet access didnt get that till 18, i'd say 16/17 they might be trusted
- Have a social media account 13 as most websites state