friend gone on hols with younger woman

maxfactor_3

AAAAH I,ve been councilling my male friend for about six months now after his wife leaving.
He,s been friendly with a much younger woman for about six weeks they,ve had a snog and thats it.She,s 25 and he,s nearly 40.
He offered to take her away for a romantic weekend for her birthday and she,s was well up for it.
He said we,ll book a double room the onus being they will sleep together.
And she said fine!
However when they got there and had a fabulous time and paid for everything when they got to the bedroom she told him she doesnt like him that way and put on a tracksuit and went to bed and told him I just want to be friends and now after spending about a grand feels a right pratt.
He feels very uncomfortable at the moment and regularly rings to tell me about his dismay.
This has def dented his ego and in a way dnted my feeling as he cant seem to get a woman other than to be more than friends.
The worst of it still is he,s still there feeling very uncomfortable till tomorrow night and I just dont know what to say to him other than not to be so lavish with money in future.
I know he,s learnt a lesson from all this but he probably wont trust me anymore as I sort off egged him on.Thanks

Scarlett1

The more he gives the more he will most probably be walked on, he definately needs to not be so generous in the future so early on, I suppose he just has to live and learn but its a shame he was taken for a ride.

Lorian

maxfactor wrote: »

AAAAH I,ve been councilling my male friend for about six months .....I know he,s learnt a lesson from all this but he probably wont trust me anymore as I sort off egged him on.Thanks

Just be there to listen to him, you don't need to tell him what to do.

Avoriaz

Scarlett1 wrote: »

..I suppose he just has to live and learn but its a shame he was taken for a ride.

I thought the whole point was that he wasn't taken for a ride.

Dormouse

If they're still there and he's very uncomfortable, then why doesn't he just leave?

sjpsam

I will probably get blasted for this reply and no offence meant, but (here goes ........ )

Just because she agreed to a double room it wasn't really an invitation for him to "sleep" with her, maybe she was not ready for that or for the relationship to forward quite so fast in that manner.

Also, just because he has chosen to take her away for her birthday and spoil her with gestures it doesn't give him the right to sleep with her, would he have spend so much if the prospect of her sleeping with him was not on the cards??

So maybe she wasn't taken him for a ride, and maybe she is feeling as uncomfortable as he is!

Or maybe she was just a gold digger and out for everything she could squeeze him for! then she took him for a ride but he was a willing party to it.

Either way you just need to be there for him, and do the "plenty more fish in the sea speach", perhaps advise him not to go so full on with the weekends away and lavish gifts in such an early stage in a relationship, or at least go "dutch" with the costs of things, until he is sure the relationship is progressing......

You didn't know how the weekend would have panned out, so don't be so hard on yourself, if it had gone to his plan you'd be patting yourself on the back, it was a 50/50 chance.....

I hope he gets sorted in the future......

Scarlett1

Avoriaz wrote: »

I thought the whole point was that he wasn't taken for a ride.

Is that what you were doing on your anniversay ? :grouphug: congrats :beer:

RHemmings

Scarlett1 wrote: »

The more he gives the more he will most probably be walked on, he definately needs to not be so generous in the future so early on, I suppose he just has to live and learn but its a shame he was taken for a ride.

It does seem strange that he took the young woman on an expensive holiday without having slept with her yet. If she'd wanted to become that serious with him, then surely she would have done so without the expensive gesture. Dinner and a movie and back to his place would have been a much less expensive strategy, and I would have thought just as likely to be successful.

Sarahjovi

I'd say either she's very naive or he is! Or shes just taken him for what she can get! She shouldn't have agreed to a double room and he shouldn't have been so presumptious!

I think your friend is a bit out of the loop re-dating and will have to put this down to experiance and take the not so expensive route of treating someone for their birthday, a meal and flowers etc.,

It takes time to get back into the dating game after a split. Why not tell him to enjoy being single for a while and chat up women and keep any dates casual, i.e a drink down the pub or a cheap meal out.

Sarah

Running_Horse

Am I being naive? Is there any reason he can't just enjoy her company and friendship?

If he wanted a definite shag he should have paid a prostitute.

stebiz

To be honest I think he was expecting a bit too much. Sometimes women need a bit of time. They are not there for a quick 'sh*g' or most aren't anyway. I'd have enjoyed the holiday put no pressure on her and the time would have come I'm sure!!!

Stebiz