who moves house?

grumpycat216

just looking for opinions
me and my partner would eventually like to move in together, at the moment we live in different cities, about an hour up the motorway from each other. we try and see each other at least once in the week and most weekends unless we have other plans.
We are both adamant we are not moving from our home cities, my reason is my son goes to a good school, my family help out every half term with childcare and pick my son up from school twice a week as i am working and it keeps the cost down for childcare. they also take him to swimming lessons and badminton after school, my parents live about 15 mins away, all my friends are nearby and have children so we will sometimes pop over, i like having this kind of support network.
my partners reason for not wanting to move is he does not want to commute to his job for an hour every day and he bought a house a year ago. he has no family or friends in the city he is living in.
i have a lot more reasons not to move away from where i live then he does but he has flat out said he will not move, this will be a problem a year down the line and we both think the same.

k3lvc

I'd be looking for a new partner then - someone has to compromise (and to be fair we've only heard one side of the story) but with a child and support network in place it seems a fairly sensible decision to me

Gavin83

You both feel you have good reasons to not leave the area you live, I don't feel either of you is right or wrong. However you've clearly hit a big issue in your relationship in which you disagree on and unless one of you is willing to back down or a compromise can be reached where you both give a little then I see no future for this relationship.

FBaby

So clearly he doesn't feel committed enough to you to want to give up what he has. Maybe it's still too early to discuss moving in together or he isn't the right one.

bertiewhite

On the face of it, I'd say it makes sense to make your Son priority - I'm sure your partner can make new friends. I presume you are both happy to "commute" to see each other?

Longer term though - do you own or rent your respective properties? If so, how about moving further down the line back to halfway between your home towns?

Oakdene

Do you own your home?

grumpycat216

yea it is to early but it came up in conversation after a friend asked us if were thinking about moving in together. Sometimes we are both to tired to drive up then drive back down in the morning so might not see each other as much as we would like but have both agreed eventually it would be nice to live together

grumpycat216

yes we both have a mortgage on our properties

FBaby

But that's the thing, if the relationship is still young, then of course your priorities are not going to be the same than when you are further along and you do start to realise that the depth of your feelings are such that you are prepared to make sacrifices you were not before.

Many things can happen in the next couple of years. Your son might reach the age of changing school and he could have a place in a better one where your OH live, or he could get a job offer in your town.

Ultimately, it might come to a compromise of both selling and buying together someone in between, where you get the pick of town depending on the school and maybe waiting until your son has reach the age of changing school.

Not worth getting all upset about something that could change anyway.

Oakdene

Enjoy the now, dont worry about decisions that dont have to me made now

svain

Oakdene wrote: »

Enjoy the now, dont worry about decisions that dont have to me made now

this is good advice.

My partner and i have been seeing each other for nearly 5 years and we still wont move to each others area. She has children to consider and i have my own business to consider. We both worried a bit about it in the second and third year together but this has passed and we will just see what happens. We are leaning towardto waiting for her kids to leaving education and in work (another 5years+) and we will review the situation again then.