The Garden Fence - proper Old Style support and chat!

karcher

silver-oldie wrote: »

Thank you everyone
Haven't slept much, I still have tears.
Thought I could just ignore it but I don't feel I want to see or speak to her.
I think I will send a message to DS and say sorry p*xy inlaws won't be coming, if he knows he'll understand, if he doesn't she'll have to explain.
I don't want bad feelings, or to go if we're not wanted. She invited us for a meal, we didn't ask. Would have been happy with a cup of tea and time with our grandson.

Oh you poor thing.

After giving it more thought, I actually can not believe anyone would be so insensitive or horrible to write that on social media for all the world (including you ) to see .
I wonder have any of her friends commented?

If it was someone I knew I'd be quite disgusted with them and certainly consider if they were someone I would want to remain in contact with.

OK many people struggle with their in laws but to write such a thing on social media says more about how awful she is than it does about you.

I understand why you don't want to go but you will miss out on seeing your son and grandson just because of her and that is so wrong. You need to let her know you saw her comment and how much it has upset you.

Is it possible for your son and grandson to visit you without her?That would be the best solution all round I think as you say you don't want an atmosphere..but in your shoes there is no way I could just brush it under the carpet and forget.

So sorry you are upset silver-oldie. x

silver-oldie

I don't use social media, so I'm sure she thought I would never see it.
Couldn't sleep and looked back, she made comments about DH when we were going out for his birthday.
Don't know if DS and DGS would come on their own, maybe for a few minutes Christmas day, as they are going to her parents, they live near us.

MMF007

IMHO, I'd be careful not to start the scenario of only seeing DS and DGS on their own. If you want to see the boys as planned go to their house and treat them as normal of course (well, no, treat them as you would at xmas!), and tell DiL that she should be more careful what she writes about people who love her family and have offered help and support throughout.

I LOVE the idea of turning up in matching 'poxy in law' t-shirts!!
I love even more, the idea Monna had, of adding a post to her social media account, under her 'having the poxy in laws this weekend', to say 'Me, too! '

So, go as planned, sit there imagining how much you are getting on her nerves for no reason, smirk slightly to yourself, and enjoy your boys!

Oh, and don't read her social media posts. As the old saying goes 'People who listen at keyholes rarely hear good of themselves. '

monnagran

Silver-oldie, I wonder what your relationship with your DIL has been like in the past. If it has been difficult then I think you will have to accept that there will never be a meeting of minds. If it has been good so far then there might be a quiet way back. It is a notoriously tricky relationship and usually only works if there is a great deal of patience and goodwill on both sides.

I do hope that you can somehow work through this so that your relationship with your son and grandson remains strong. You have been treated so shabbily that you have every right to be hurt and upset. I am so sorry. You have enough to worry you in your life without any added distress

Hester, perhaps you can look forward to the wedding now. Or at least not dread it quite so much.

THOUGHT FOR TODAY

Sometimes it is OK if the only thing you do today is b r e a t h e.

Especially for Silver-oldie, MMF, VJsmum, burtha and anyone else who is overwhelmed.

silver-oldie

MMF007 I don't usually look at social media but I had asked DiL for photos of dgs's birthday party, she only sent me one so I wondered if there was anything on her page.
Maybe I should look, at least I know what she really thinks.

I was going to say we weren't going but like the thought of sitting there knowing I'm getting on her nerves. Doesn't make me a nice person I know.

My main thought is she will use this as an excuse not to let us see our dgs. at the moment we are lucky if we see him once a month.

monnagran I don't think I have had a relationship good or bad with DiL. We have never had cross words, never fallen out but have never been close.

MMF007

My mum is beside herself. The cottage hosp have said that as dad is neither improving nor deteriorating as quickly as expected they will be thinking about moving him to a nursing home, a further 15 miles away from home (a total round trip of 70 miles). Mum is too exhausted to contemplate that journey everyday. I will have to go home within the next week to 10 days. My brother is working and is at the far end of the country. Talk about throwing a spanner in the works.

Monna, lovely thought for the day, all I can say is 'I wish' ! :rotfl:

fuddle

MMF if your dad is to be going into a nursing home then that is a whole family scenario. Your family have a say and it has to work for everyone. Don't let them dictate to you in this. Your dad can be moved to an area that works for your family. Nothing in this is about what the cottage hospital wants.

silver-oldie

MMF007 I'm sorry to go on about my 'silly' problems when you, and others, have so much to cope with.

karcher

Oh no MMF that isn't what you need.

Fuddle has given you some good advice there.

Floss

MMF ^^ what Fuddle said is sound advice.