Break up - Selling house advice

Candyapple

If you work from home, have you thought about moving away from London given that it is so expensive / you won't be able to afford it?

You weren't married, there are no kids involved and she sounds like a smart woman if she sorted her finances so that you both only get out what you put in. Why delay the inevitable?

If you've been together 10 years and don't want to marry her, then why are you trying to hold her back further and waste even more of her time? That's really selfish given that I'm guesstimating she's 30. What if she wanted to start a family with someone else? You clearly had your chance and didn't want her, so why be spiteful now? Because you are jealous she has moved? Grow up and let her move on with her life with whomever she wants to be with and you with you and your dog.

Jkbc90

I'm sorry but the more I read the more I feel sorry for her. You didn't post this asking for mortgage advice, you posted this asking for ways to make this as difficult as possible for her. You're throwing little digs into her here and there and seem to harbour this hatred for her because she is going to walk away from the property with more than you (and rightly so as she and her family put more in than you did).

Matthew969

Yes I've thought about living away from London but since all my friends and family are from London and I love the City, I don't think I could move away. I wouldn't be happy.

I'm just bitter that she has decided that this relationship and everything we've put in is not worth it given that it doesn't involve what I mentioned before, cheating, gambling or physical abuse.

I really don't understand...How is me not wanting to marry (yet!) holding her back? I have a mortgage with her for crying out loud. Is that not a massive commitement in today's world? Her best friend got married two months ago to a guy who revealed (months after he proposed) that he had a kid with another girl whilst they were together. My ex will go to the wedding and feel jealous of the marriage and ignore the fact that this guy cheated and has another kid.

I have not cheated on her once since I have been with her and when I see the other rubbish guys put their partners through it makes me feel like me being faithful is not appreciated and that I must get married to show I really love her.

Matthew969

I actually did post this asking for mortgage advice.

My goal was to find out how I can prolong selling up the house as mentally I am not in the right state as she is who initiated the idea to break up and move on as quickly as possible. Let's just say she actually has found someone else that she loves, does that make it right? Imagine if the shoe was on the other foot, that wouldn't sound nice now would it?

I can't see where I've thrown any digs at her. I have not said I've hated her either. I just resent the fact that someone who I loved has decided that 10 year relationship and mortgage is no longer worth it. I can't just accept it and stop loving her. I want to move out on my terms (which won't be forever), not hers.

Lastly, if this was a 50/50 split I would still feel the same way. It's got nothing to do with the fact she walks away with more money. That is definitely not what is on my mind. I already said it was fair.

Candyapple

You are employed and you will have 30% of whatever money you put in for the deposit initially plus I presume a 50/50 split of any equity in your house. This should be more than enough for you to rent somewhere in London. What is holding you back?

The fact that your relationship has ended? If your ex wants to split and she has made her mind up, then I highly doubt there is anything you can do to convince her otherwise (9 times out of 10 women have ended a relationship many months before in their mind before actually acting on it or taking steps to break-up).

Maybe your ex always wanted to be married. Who knows, only she does and should have been something that you both discussed. If you weren't ready for marriage then did you make that abundantly clear to her? Maybe she thought that by getting a house together you would propose later down the line, who knows. Either way, clearly communication between the both of you was lacking.

I really don't see why you want to wallow in your misery for any longer than need be. You have the money to move on, so does she. Your relationship has ended, keep things amicable in order to sell the house. I can guarantee that if you do try and drag things out that your ex will more than likely detest you and will revel in the fact that she made the right decision to end the relationship with such a spiteful vindictive person.

Pixie5740

Is she suppose to be grateful that you didn't cheat on her, abuse her or gamble? 28 isn't that young if you envisage marriage and children in your life and really after 10 years you should know if you want to put a ring on it as Beyonc! would say.

You can dig your heels in as much as you want. Why you would want to remain living under the same roof as your ex rather than just selling or one of you buying the other out I do not know. If you won't agree to a sale or to buy out/be bought out then she can take you to court to force the sale. That costs ££££ which she and her family probably have and if the judge finds that you've been obstructing the sale for no good reason (and you don't have a good reason) then you can be ordered to pay her court costs.

nomoneytoday

To me, it's very simple.
Sell the house, split the money, move on with your dog and new life.

goodwithsaving

I did this to my ex, but he was the one with the money in the house so I was left worse off by deciding to separate.
She didn't 'con' you, perhaps she simply just wants to move on as quickly as possible.
In terms of making it difficult for her - don't. It just makes things worse all round. The agreement was the agreement and that doesn't change.
Perhaps you don't see eye to eye about money, or she feels suffocated. Either way, be adult and strategise for the inevitable, not for revenge.

debtisnotme

Matthew969 wrote: »

how can I make this process really difficult for her? I will refuse to sell as long as it takes just for the simple fact that I feel she has used me and she knows she is in a better position. I sleep in the spare bedroom and I pay my half of the bills. I just don't have anywhere to go at the moment and it's quite depressing. To sum up:

I need a lot of time to mentally recover -
so I think she deserves some stress back.

I'm not an evil or malicious person but I don't like feeling that I have been used until something apparetely better comes along.

You had my sympathy until revenge was your plan, you'll not mentally recover very well sharing a house in this situation.

Thrugelmir

Matthew969 wrote: »

I'm 30 and me and my girlfriend of 10 years bought a house together 3 years ago.

People change as they grow older. I know that from personal experience myself. Doesn't mean that life ends though. Tough as it is. Pick yourself up and think of this as simply the next chapter in your life. Rather than procrastinate over the past. Look forward.

Before making any rash decisions. Take some time to think matters through.