NST Joyful July

Eager_Elephant

Can I start by apologising to Toni'sfriend for ignoring her post - it was not on purpose but I caught up from Sunday and when I got to the bottom of page 6 I thought I was at the end and so posted but having returned I can see that I have missed a whole page out.

((Toni'sfriend))
It is actually dangerous to just give up alcohol completely unless under medical supervision as the body can go into shock.

Not sure if you read safehouse's diary (can't remember if she is on DFW or MFW) - her husband is an alcoholic and often posts about how she is feeling etc. Unfortunately he will not get help as he doesn't think he has a problem.

Did C just try to cope with the death of his brother rather than get any bereavement counselling etc? Sometimes men wont speak about how they are feeling and so it's easier to drink to take the thoughts away than it is to discuss it.

I hope that C can see the damage he has done and get the help he needs.

In our area you have to self-refer for help with any addiction - we have Turning Point which covers drugs and alcohol. Could you have a google to see what's in your area? Not to make him go but just in case he reaches out and wants your help in this battle.

Lauralozzle

Was AWOL last night. Another NSD so I'm at 6/14. Today won't be a NSD as I've got to get birthday bits for my dad/step mum. Will probably grab salad/sandwich stuff too but we don't really need much else.

I've done my overtime for this weekend, so that's sorted. House needs a quickly tidy and I'm struggling with a lazy OH that just wants to lounge on the sofa and snooze.

mothernerd

thrifty (again/ more)

I know you love your children but on a different thread you once said you were very career focused and had been unprepared for the demands of small children and the devastation they could wreck (to your housekeeping standards?). Your child care costs rise in the holidays don't they and then there is all the who's doing what when that needs to be scheduled and possibly a bit of f0xh0les hostage situation, a fear of being permanently trapped at home with them.

You are also fretting about your OH's lack of committment to frugality (or even keeping withing budget). So there is a lot going on to bring you down. Try writing them all down as separate problems, work out what, if anything you can do about them, take action where necessary and if there is nothing you can do, try not to dwell on it, spend your energy on things you can change.

So as you get older you have more health concerns and worries (possible limitations). You have to accept that even if you get superfit you are never going to be 20 again. However you can be the best 'you now'. Eat properly, exercise regularly, use puzzles and problem solving to keep your mind active, keep learning, avoid stress :rotfl:.

Loneliness is also supposed to be a problem for the elderly (that's not you, hope it's not me yet). I love solitude and am happy with my own company mostly. The survivors from couples who have
always done everything together have problems and mobility can be a factor (+ 'fear' of violence rather than actual violence, not as common as certain newspapers would have you believe). However old people who remain engaged with others and interested in people tend to thrive. Miserable young people who never have a good word to say about anyone end up as miserable old people.

Women are having children later and people are living longer (which again means more people living with chronic illnesses) so there is a growing band of mainly (but not eclusively) women trying to meet the needs of growing children and dependent elders at the same time.

I started the 'Year of Happiness' course last year. I work quite hard at keeping happy (although I think the depression is something I may have to learn to live with). I found the first parts (background) interesting. The amygdala in the brain (hope that is right, keep thinking I've got it confused with someone from Star wars) responds to change. Usually it responds with excitement. However if bad things happen in childhood it starts to respond with fear. The person 'expects' bad things to happen (to them/ others around them) and also takes responsibilty for them (thinks it is 'their fault'). You can retrain your brain to respond with enthusiasm must try phoning the CBT people again).

Some of the techniques in the course were useful - daily gratitudes for example. However they can be overused (and abused). A positive attitude helps but you need a reality check now and then. I like one of the user taglines on here - "A positive attitude won't always help, but it will annoy enough people to be worth doing."

I love a cartoon I've seen recently "When I'm old, I don't want people thinking I'm a sweet old lady, I want them to think 'Oh c**p, what is she up to now?'" That's what we have to aim for thrifty and start practicing now.

Toni'sfriend

Thanks for the advice EE. I will look into that as it would be useful to know what's available. He didn't get any counselling when his brother died. He actually committed suicide and it was a great shock. The whole family naturally took it badly but C, particularly, blamed himself for not realizing what a bad place his brother was in. I don't know why he felt like this because we didn't see his brother very often. Maybe that was the reason.
He won't admit he has a problem but I think in his heart of heart he knows he has. Maybe it's a blessing in disguise that this has happened. His friends have supported him throughout all that has happened previously so perhaps their reaction might help bring him to his senses. He's known them for over 35 years so I'm hoping that the situation can be resolved. It is preying on my mind, though, and I feel myself getting upset thinking that they might not want to see us again.

FurryBeastOz

Toni sent you a PM.

PlaysNicely

:wave:

Sorry, didn't get on yesterday evening so a double update with today as well ...

1) NSDs: achieved yesterday & today in respect of home & my budgets so 9 / 16.
OH did treat me to breakfast out today tho, out of his own wallet as he's received some of his marking money - so there has been a cheeky treat too!

2) Frugal food shopping: previous week's target met so this week's £35 budget started anew - £13 remaining.
No additional spends yet.
Fri - hm pizzas & salad from garden (for 2 extra adults too as we had family over). They contributed dessert & we all played cards afterwards, so very MSE evening of dining & entertainment.
Today - the brekkie OH bought me was brunch really, so we're just eating leftover pizza & salad tonight, easy & no extra spends.

3) [STRIKE]Try to up my own income in some way (legally of course[/STRIKE])! Achieved with new weekend job (in tomorrow)!

4) My NST health goal: 10,000 steps a day (as total of 70,000 across a week)!
Did silly thing yesterday - as we had visitors we didn't get to bed till late and my old pedometer resets to 0 at midnight, I missed checking what my final tally was for the day. So I can only go with the last total I looked at which was around 3700 - not ideal! So total for week of 8th - 14th was around 63,900 / 70,000 - up on last week but not quite there yet! Determined to meet this goal at some point in July.
Fresh start today for week 15th - 21st ... 10km early walk out with OH & dogs around local reserves this morning (& hence lovely OH brunch treat) gives me 15,361 but just having our supper then we're back out for a walk we know well to see if I can get some barn owl photos. That'll be another 5,000 steps (min) so I'm happy to be chalking up 20,000 already for this week!

5) No FleaBay shopping for the whole month - achieved yesterday and today. So far this month: 14 / 31 achieved, 1 glitch!

6) Frugal focus: sourcing instead of spending: busy day, nothing else achieved yet as yesterday & today so busy ... remaining work in progress ...
* Valance in progress - one panel hemmed, still needs sewing to base.
* Doggy glove puppet in progress. ... just needs a tail, ears and sewing up (may watch a bit of TV after owl walk this eve tho & hope to get a bit more done)!

Simple pleasures across both days:
Lovely low cost social evening yesterday.
Lots of free fresh air today
OH has made apricot chutney from super cheap apricots he bought Thurs - 6 jars, including some for gifting at (shhhh, Crimbo)!
No work today!

Hugs to Toni'sFriend hope things turn out OK in a grotty situation.

Quick question if I may?
I'm really thinking about a diary somewhere on here because these forums really help with the frugal focus. However, I don't really know where to put it! The thing is, we're low income / not quite retired inbetweeners, rather than in debt, so I'm not sure we'd fit the DFW diaries, lovely tho everyone is!

The MFW board has great diaries, but we no longer have a mortgage thank to our downsize - was our major debt removal technique at the end of 2016 - sell up, pay off, shrink everything down to frugal proportions once we realised poo was headed propellerwards.
I actually used to have a MFW diary for a while and it really made the difference in overpaying the mortgage which gave us just enough equity when we sold to get our now home and shed the debt. I really feel like we need that focus again, really, as his occupational pension will be low as he was late into the career!

Essentially, OH has since lost his job so we're living on what I bring in & what we've still got left from house sale (4 figures and shrinking fast) until he gets his occupational pension Spring next year. He's just done a bit of marking and may think about supply when he starts to feel a bit better, but he's very anti the idea of signing on & we don't claim anything. So our goals relate to pensions, savings & frugal living, but the pensions board doesn't seem to be diaryland apart from a few where there are friendly people but some big numbers bandied and lots of info about investing etc about that our situation & finances just don't really fit with.

Meanwhile, the over 50s board doesn't seem to have many diaries either, so I'd really appreciate any advice on where to park myself, you're all awesome, btw!

Thanks for putting up with what turned out to be a life story post too, sorry about that!
PN x

abundant1972

Evening all

Good few days here.

AppleMuncher - Thanks for the dietary advice. I'll be sure to check out that site. I do feel heaps better - no bloating at all. I thought I would crave bread so much as it's my favourite food... but I haven't. Not even pizza!!! And - I seem full for longer. Long may it last!
Mothernerd - Thanks for the kind comments.
Toni'sFriend - Hugs for you and the family at this difficult time. All you can do is offer your love and support, and help enable him to find his way through. Do you do something on the Birthday/Anniversary for your son that passed away? That could be a time to share how you all felt helpless at what happened - but that it was nobody's fault - he took that decision himself. As someone who has been near suicidal at two points in my life - for me - I can honestly say - even with all the love and support around me - it was me who had to find something in life that I wanted to stay for. I didn't think about living to keep other people going - because - you can't live your life totally selflessly, just to keep others happy. People say suicide is 'selfish; and I disagree strongly. We are all built differently and have different life experiences. I still find 'living' a battle and some days a chore despite all the wonders. A huge part of me looks forward to finding a peace I have yet to find in this life. All I can say is - no matter what your other son had said or did, not done or not said - I don't think it would have changed things. I realise suicide is a very sensitive and personal subject, and maybe it is different for everyone - but I hope having an insider's perspective may help take some of that burden off things. I guess him recognising he is struggling is the first step... I'm going to put out there for some inspiration to come yours/his way that will help him move forward. Hugs.

The last few days I have been grateful for:

1. My exercise regime and finding a new way
2. The food in my cupboards and the convenience with which I can access food via stores
3. The technology and appliances that make living that much easier. A cooker, fridge/freezer and microwave.

Thursday and today = NSD number 9 and 10
Friday was a spend day.

Have a lovely evening folks.

lcc86

Managed to get chores done before worst of the headache/migraine really kicked in, slept for most of the afternoon. Cancelled plans to go out this evening no NSD as had to buy some bits and bobs but all planned (with the exception of painkillers but under the circumstances I think they're allowed!). Hoping it goes by tomorrow in time for riding.

OH annoyed me a bit earlier. He has some friends who are travelling and they've casually suggested that everyone "pops" to Sydney for Xmas and new year... OH and I are trying to save to go to Oz late next year but his whole attitude was I'm being a downer for not wanting to go... It's halfway round the world and it's the most expensive time of year to go, and we have possible roof repairs and a new oven to pay for... I pay more of the bills as I earn more, but he annoyed me by saying "well where are your savings?". He's lucky I had a banging headache and didn't have the energy to argue! :mad:

Hope everyone has a nice evening

FurryBeastOz

Yay. NSD finally.

thriftylass

mothernerd , thank you!!!

Had a nice day today, run in the morning, grateful for hours of pottering in the garden and happy muddy children (i love when they get dirty and wear no shoes, just a great time like i had as a child) , and now a good book.