NST Joyful July

mothernerd

Go confidently, in the direction of your dreams. Live the life that you have imagined. Henry David Thoreau.Hugs for Thrifty, Toni'sfriend and anyone else who wants one. I intend making a longish reply (sound of thread breaking under the weight) or perhaps a series of shorter 'observations' on Thrifty's on depression and 'old age' (or no longer as young as we were). Gosh, now I am making it souns ominous. I will ahve more time this afternoon and it' something that deserves careful consideration.

Depression doesn't have to be Depressing. :rotfl:?

Don't Worry, Be Happy.

Eager_Elephant

OOh its been nearly a week - I blame the Frugalwoods email which I read in the evening, then I read her recommended reading and then I check the Facebook page and read all that and that's an hour or so gone!!!

Managed 4 NSD's this week taking me to 6 so far.
Restricting my diet due to my visit to the natural allergy therapist means that I cant just buy chocolate and crisps on a whim anymore as I cant have them so apart from fruit (which I bring from home) I am not eating much else so no need to pop in to any shops.

Yesterday was a spend day as needed dog doo bags so stocked up on those, also got some canes for the garden as all mine are in use and I have more plants that need them.

Today will be a spend day as need potatoes for sunday lunch and will also get packed lunch stuff for son again rather than spending tomorrow. Daughter also off on activities with school next week so needs a packed lunch.

Hope you all have a fab weekend.

I am grateful for my lifestyle, mainly centred on my animals today:
1. The pigs have settled in well and are getting used to us, they should come when we call by next week and then hopefully we can stroke them.
2. Our turkeys have gone up to the field (in a large enclosure) and they just love the grass and being outside (they have been in an old cat run near our house while they grew a bit)
3. One of my geese has managed to hatch 2 goslings. I went up there this morning and there they were!! Fingers crossed they do ok - they should do as they have a mum and 6 bodyguards (plus 15 others to watch over them from a distance). Need to find something to put water in for them to swim (our big geese have those green kids sand pits filled with water but they are far too big for the goslings)

lcc86

Eagerelephant I love the sound of all your animals, it's right up my street!

Forgot to post yesterday, but achieved both a NSD and a healthy day. Went to the gym as well after work. I weighed myself for the first time in ages, and after losing the excess I needed to, I'm now putting weight back on. It's not all muscle, some of it is down to holiday excess, but mustn't focus on weight on it's own as I am a perfectly healthy shape and size for my height. Sometimes get carried away with measuring weight and calories when a healthy lifestyle is about much more.

Have woken up today with a terrible headache and neck ache. Have lots to do today and a birthday party for a work colleague later. Will see how I go. I'd feel bad for not going but it's also about an hour's drive each way so if I'm not feeling up to it, it's not happening. Planned to start our garden today, will have to see how that goes. Today won't be a NSD as I have some stuff I need to get.

f0xh0les

thriftylass wrote: »

Well done on your gyming and the weight loss. Just out of interest how long do 40 lengths take you?

About 40 minutes:rotfl: it ain't fast, it ain't pretty, but my feet do not touch the floor once I start and I do not stop at each end. I could walk the kilometre in much less time, but I am hoping it will tone the parts that other exercises don't touch. Then I go and do 600 calories in the gym. DH can do 40 lengths in 15 minutes, but then I think I must be burning more calories slogging up and down and up and down... I like it though, he hates it and thinks it is the most boring thing ever (he was on the swim team as a kid) and will only swim in open water now.

FurryBeastOz

Morning. Been awol for a bit. Black Dog and real life got in the way.

Toni's friend Really sorry to hear the news. But you are right. He has to want to help himself. I did a lot of damage to my family and friends before I fully accepted my mental health issues and alcoholism and asked for help. I can never repay my family for sticking by me at my worst - I can't even grasp what I must have been like at my worst.

Be very careful with yourself. You can't help him except by being there and loving him, but you need to be fighting fit to do that.

OK. I'll get off my soap box.

Only 1 NSD so far. Not a hope I'm going to hit target. But Grocery spends are low. I had one NSD destroyed by a parking ticket:mad: and I haven't had an Unprepared/Lazy/Fat spend since Monday, so that's not too bad.

I'm on day 5 of my 'Bikini contest training:rotfl::rotfl:' and struggling to eat the calories I'm supposed to. I hurt everywhere. But it will be worth it I'm sure:D

DH off in green for the weekend. So he is happy. I need to do some housework, then I have my prepaid indulgence - a massage. I pay for a course in advance as otherwise I always feel guilty handing over money towards the end of the month if things are tight.

Back to work on Monday for 4 weeks. Military style logistical planning going on. I'm leaving DH at home still on sick leave. I'll still have to work all the housework around 25 of paid stuff. The chances of him doing much are somewhere between zero and the square root of b**ger all:rotfl:

Toni'sfriend

Thank you all for your support. It's really appreciated. FBO - You've said exactly the same as his friend and my son. My son (who is a very gentle boy normally) took his drink that night, poured it down the sink and told him if he didn't stop drinking and get some help he would lose everything he held dear. He had one drink the next day, nothing yesterday and says he won't drink today but I don't know how long this will last. I'm not really confident as he still won't talk about it. What is it they say? One day at a time.

mothernerd

Okay trying again, in bits this time.

f0xh0les can you not let them slob for a few days. They have been on a timetable all year and need to unwind. Let them sleep late, sit around in their pjs all day to let them adjust. Don't over organise them, give them some say in holiday plans and remember to leave them some time 'to do their own thing'. No-one likes to be dragged away when they are in the middle of building a lego castle or they haven't reached a bit in the game where it can be saved.

I once came in from work and DS1 had achieved his perfect set up. He was sitting on his futon playing video games, with the toaster on one side of him and the bread and tub of butter on the other.

mothernerd

Toni'sfriend big hugs. As others have said, you can't do it for him (only support), he has to want to do it for himself. The AA program is very successful, if he is prepared to go. If not it might be worth seeing if there is a support group for partners and children where you live.

I only went to one meeting for GA spouses but it was enormously helpful. Confirmed my decision to divorce him but there were lots of factors in that.

Feel free to rant, moan or let off steam with us even if you can't post regularly.

mothernerd

thrifty for starters the tooth fairy visit can count as medicinal.

The cat's death is very recent, you are only in the first stage of grieving, everything reminds you of it and if you haven't let yourself have a good cry at the unfairness of it all, feel free to do so (we may accept that life is not fair but our inner child and sense of justice says it should be).

The reminders will get less frequent and you will remember the good times not the sad ones. A strange cat stopped by our gateway last summer. The following evening DS3 asked me to guess what he had just seen and I said 'S's ghost'.

The rawness of your grief is making you feel that everyone and is ill or dying but you need to recognise that these are all at one remove from you and separate incidents. Do what you can to support these people - your colleague may need a sympathetic ear, would your aunt appreciate a phone call or a letter and photographs of the children, hugs are always appreciated but your role is limited.

Am I right in thinking you and your partner have just turned 40? I found the milestone birthdays made me depressed (25, 35 and 45 were great). I think we pause and think about the changing stages in our life (my family assured me that I had no looks to lose).

It is partly an age thing. Think back to childhood we were somewhat shielded from death (and lots of illnesses). They were whispered between grown ups. I was cosidered too young to attend either of my grandfather's funerals and the only deaths I remember was when we had to say a special prayer for the lollipop man (we did seem to have a high turnover) or a boy who had been run over.

Now you are of an age when it is your generation who have the illnesses, your parent's generation who are dying. You know a lot of people so will hear about them (and attend them) more frequently.

When my brother died 10 years ago, at the age of 47 he was the first of our generation to die. I had already mentally realised that nearly all my aunts and uncles were gone and it would soon be our turn to start dwindling but it was still a shock. I was the one who saw to everything, sorted his estate, the tax people and the solicitors, went to his house (300 miles away) to sort his possessions and finding a buyer. I was fine when I did all those things but in between I had days when I couldn't get out of bed and it was 2 years before I had counselling for the grieving I couldn't do at the time.

You have given thnks for your FIL and your parents are as well as can be expected. The best thing to do is enjoy the time you spend with them, whilst they are here.

mothernerd

FBO I used to find putting little notes in front of the kettle occasionally bore fruit, as it was the first place he went on coming into the house or downstairs in the morning. One thing isn't much but it's one thing less for you and will gice him less time to make more mess.

Soon after we got together my bf hurt his back. He had to lie flat on the living room floor for about six weeks. He had nothing to read so started reading all the notes from the meetings where I had taken notes - always ran out of energy before he could put them back ing their wallets. He still managed to hobble as far as the kettle.