The Nice People Thread, No.16: A Universe of Niceness.

PasturesNew

silvercar wrote: »

That last example is just a warped sense of humour, plenty qualify.

See, it IS funny isn't it

People seem to think I'm laughing at the injury/problem... when I'm just throwing in one liners appropriate (in my eyes) right then/there - and they'll probably be laughing like that too within 2-5 years about it

The pains of being ahead of the curve I guess

So "on trend" I have to wait 5 years for others to catch up.

GDB2222

PasturesNew wrote: »

A made up example:

Phone rings... I answer.

Person: OMG, my mum's just gone in an ambulance to hospital as she was trying to throw something at the neighbour's cat to shoo it away and she fell off the step and tumbled down into the garden!!

Me: Well, she won't do THAT again will she!

Person: How can you say my mum deserved that? I hope you get hurt and break your leg. You're nasty.

Me: I didn't say that!

CLICK.

I think that you could simply allow yourself to just be slower to respond. Ask yourself "Is this definitely what the other person wants to hear?" Unless you are absolutely sure it is, don't say it.

Think of something else to say, and check that against the "are you sure" filter. I knew a Cambridge economics professor, who would take up to a minute or two to answer any question or greeting. He had the trick of not filling in the gap with umm's and ah's.

In the example you gave, or any case where someone has been hurt, it's almost always fine to say something sympathetic. So, you can say without much thought: "Oh I am so sorry to hear that. Please send her my best wishes."

PasturesNew

GDB2222 wrote: »

"Oh I am so sorry to hear that. Please send her my best wishes."

That just sounds "so false" to me.... so "twee and false".

hjd

I was on the phone to a florist today ordering flowers for a funeral on Tuesday. We went through all the details and confirmed it, then at the end she said "I do hope you have a wonderful day on Tuesday" which struck me as rather strange. Not something I would have said in that context, and I am also known for opening my mouth too fast and not controlling the words which come out.
Funerals on two consecutive Tuesdays, not generally my idea of fun.

SingleSue

New person starting at work, it appears that I am to be the trainer (in my new position as 2nd in command)...she'll probably run screaming from the building never to be seen again due to my weirdness and OCD.

On the bright side I get to write my procedures handbook, something I've been wanting to do ever since I started and was dropped right in it. Mind you, I'm wondering if I still have that patience buried deep inside me that was always very handy when I was the office trainer way back when....I'm not so sure it's still there!

zagubov

We've all been in ambiguous situations where it's hard to know if responses are appropriate or not.
Decades ago I was walking towards a main road. There was a scream and a car hit someone. She was on the road sitting up and yelling her head off at the driver. She was clearly not heading for an exit from our mortal realm. I was relieved to see she was sitting up rather than the other posible outcomes.

The woman on the pavement just in front of me turned round to her little daughter and triumphantly shouted at her
"Did you see what that stupid woman did?
THAT'S what happens if YOU don't listen to me and run onto the road! I've warned you before!"

I was really conflicted- I could see that a caring parent would like to totally impress safety onto their child. I also felt it was a tiny bit creepily cold-blooded to exploit the poor woman's (albeit temporary) misery for her daughter's instruction and betterment.

SingleSue

Middle son's latest cover

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z2JPbwVRi5o

Spirit_2

Many moons ago, I was headhunted for a post at The Treasury. I was not a civil servant but had experience, knowledge & skills of interest to those recruiting.

The interview took place at the Treasury in front of a panel of three officials, in a high ceilinged room with arched double doors . One of a number of identical offices in a row. all painted the same shade of glossy mint green.

The interview had gone rather well,I was feeling very confident, when I was asked if there was anything else I wanted to know. I asked "What is like to work here?" the reply came back "Monastic and dedicated to the task."

I took this as a joke and laughed out loud. As it dawned on me that they were not trying to be funny; I continued to laugh uncontrollably. I corpsed..full on.. the whole tears running down my face and doubling up and trying not to wet myself as I left the room.

My inappropriate response was non verbal, but spoke volumes. Sensibly they realised they should appoint someone else.

Involuntary inappropriate reactions often accompany changes to the brain.

These days I take prescription drugs to contain the emotionally labial responses that are a legacy of my stroke. My side splitting laughter is physically painful,puts my bladder under strain and is emotionally wearing. It might also emerge in the wrong place at the wrong time. likewise being moved to tears by pictures of kittens on the internet and totally over reacting to upsets is equally unpleasant. When I go through these patches I have to explain to those around me that "I am not as upset as I seem". My immediate family understand now.

Spirit_2

SingleSue wrote: »

Middle son's latest cover

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z2JPbwVRi5o

I think I had previously only heard him drum. Guitar, vocals and confidence:beer:

Pyxis

PasturesNew wrote: »

That just sounds "so false" to me.... so "twee and false".

Well, just say "Oh dear!" Or "Oh no!" while you have a think.

Next...."How is she?" That'd probably give the caller the chance to go into a few details while you think what to say next.

Maybe just some neutral expressions like ""Are you going to the hospital now?"