The Nice People Thread, No.16: A Universe of Niceness.

silvercar

SingleSue wrote: »

I think I have finished my Christmas shopping. I didn't think I was going to be able to manage it this year and the amounts have reduced a fair amount (£25-£30 per child) which I feel awful about but the boys have reassured me that it is ok as they understand that money is rather tight.

Makes me feel like the poor relative though when ex hubby is proving a point (after we have always agreed an amount we are each going to spend to avoid one upmanship) and has gone mad on the presents this year. He somehow thinks this makes him the better parent.

I had a few black days over it which left me a little down but thank goodness the boys are not materialistic.

Don't know who he thinks he is fooling! Not your boys and not you, that is all that matters.

CKhalvashi

SingleSue wrote: »

I think I have finished my Christmas shopping. I didn't think I was going to be able to manage it this year and the amounts have reduced a fair amount (£25-£30 per child) which I feel awful about but the boys have reassured me that it is ok as they understand that money is rather tight.

Makes me feel like the poor relative though when ex hubby is proving a point (after we have always agreed an amount we are each going to spend to avoid one upmanship) and has gone mad on the presents this year. He somehow thinks this makes him the better parent.

I had a few black days over it which left me a little down but thank goodness the boys are not materialistic.

Sue, it's more important to spend the time with family and not end up in financial (insert 4 letter word here) than to shower someone with gifts.

You've brought the boys up on your own with bad health for some of it, you should be proud of yourself. For what it's worth I think that makes you an amazing parent. You haven't left them to fend for themselves the minute they hit 18 like some unfortunately do.

Share the love and what you have, it's far more important any day than expensive gifts which probably are meant to show the guilt of not being there.

michaels

SingleSue wrote: »

I think I have finished my Christmas shopping. I didn't think I was going to be able to manage it this year and the amounts have reduced a fair amount (£25-£30 per child) which I feel awful about but the boys have reassured me that it is ok as they understand that money is rather tight.

Makes me feel like the poor relative though when ex hubby is proving a point (after we have always agreed an amount we are each going to spend to avoid one upmanship) and has gone mad on the presents this year. He somehow thinks this makes him the better parent.

I had a few black days over it which left me a little down but thank goodness the boys are not materialistic.

I am surpised given all you have and continue to achieve that you let such small stuff phase you in the slightest.

Hard to do I know but try and imagine what you would think if a friend came to you and described the situation you are in, I am sure you would empathise but would have no trouble seeing that the value of the gifts is all about the giver and should have no impact on the receiver beyond confirming their understanding of the issues that the gifter has.

GDB2222

SingleSue wrote: »

I think I have finished my Christmas shopping. I didn't think I was going to be able to manage it this year and the amounts have reduced a fair amount (£25-£30 per child) which I feel awful about but the boys have reassured me that it is ok as they understand that money is rather tight.

Makes me feel like the poor relative though when ex hubby is proving a point (after we have always agreed an amount we are each going to spend to avoid one upmanship) and has gone mad on the presents this year. He somehow thinks this makes him the better parent.

I had a few black days over it which left me a little down but thank goodness the boys are not materialistic.

I don’t think our poor, deprived kids ever got more than £25 spent on them!

If yours are being splurged on this year, I am delighted for them, and it doesn’t matter which parent does the splurging. You’re there for the kids, and dad buys expensive presents, so all the bases are being covered.

Pyxis

Lydia, I watched the programme about the children in your Aged P's mansion.

It really does look like a lovely place!

Looks like they brought the snow machine out for one of the scenes! :rotfl:




I was without internet for three hours this morning. In the end I had to unplug/replug the router. Did that twice yesterday.

I really should ring my ISP about it.:(



Am having more problems with ordering stuff from the States.
Two days ago, I placed my order, paid and got the card verification link thing come up as usual, which was ok.
Then, in the early hours I got an email asking me to send a photo of my credit card (with some numbers blanked out) or to cancel the order and re-order with PayPal. This was because the order was for over a certain amount.

I haven't got an account with PayPal and don't want one, but worried about this photo request, I phoned my credit card company to ask them what they thought, in case this was a 'thing' I had never heard of.
They confirmed the transaction had gone through, and advised me not to send any photo of the card (quite rightly).

Through the website, I sent a message asking the company about this request for a photo, and got an automatic acknowledgement of my message. They also sent a customer service link where I was asked to input a password (chosen by me) in order to access customer support.
I chose a password, and tried to send it, and absolutely nothing happened. (Tried several times, and again today).

Then just now I got another email, identical to the first, asking me to send a photo etc.

These emails also gave a phone number I can ring and gave their opening hours in Beijing time, but the telephone number is one in Texas! (Googled it). (The email this morning was from someone with a Chinese surname).
The website gives the contact address and tel number as ones in California.

I haven't been given an order number, so I doubt I'm going to get the goods, but at least my credit card people have assured me I won't lose my money.


Has anyone else come across anything like this?

I am right fed up, because I have been looking for these goods for some time, and they are just what I want at a good price, with an introductory discount too.

LydiaJ

SingleSue wrote: »

I think I have finished my Christmas shopping. I didn't think I was going to be able to manage it this year and the amounts have reduced a fair amount (£25-£30 per child) which I feel awful about but the boys have reassured me that it is ok as they understand that money is rather tight.

Makes me feel like the poor relative though when ex hubby is proving a point (after we have always agreed an amount we are each going to spend to avoid one upmanship) and has gone mad on the presents this year. He somehow thinks this makes him the better parent.

I had a few black days over it which left me a little down but thank goodness the boys are not materialistic.

:rotfl:
What a numpty! He really doesn't know his sons at all if he thinks that's going to work. Why, even the NP know your boys better than that, and we've never met them.

Seriously, Sue, this is excellent news. It's always been shocking that, having failed to give them love, which he seems incapable of giving them, he should also fail to give them money, which he clearly has more of than you do. At least he's doing that, and this is a great year for him to do so, when your own money is particularly tight. It doesn't go very far to making up for all the money he should have been providing for the last however many years it's been, let alone the love, but it's certainly no less than your boys deserve from him.

They won't love you any less. Really they won't. Try to be pleased that they're getting some lovely things they couldn't otherwise afford.

Pyxis wrote: »

Lydia, I watched the programme about the children in your Aged P's mansion.

It really does look like a lovely place!

Isn't it! I want to live there when I'm old.
Thanks for reminding me to watch it.
Sorry can't help with the credit card thing, but it all sounds a bit dodgy to me. I suggest asking your bank for advice.

silvercar

Pyxis wrote: »

Lydia

Am having more problems with ordering stuff from the States.
Two days ago, I placed my order, paid and got the card verification link thing come up as usual, which was ok.
Then, in the early hours I got an email asking me to send a photo of my credit card (with some numbers blanked out) or to cancel the order and re-order with PayPal. This was because the order was for over a certain amount.

I haven't got an account with PayPal and don't want one, but worried about this photo request, I phoned my credit card company to ask them what they thought, in case this was a 'thing' I had never heard of.
They confirmed the transaction had gone through, and advised me not to send any photo of the card (quite rightly).

Through the website, I sent a message asking the company about this request for a photo, and got an automatic acknowledgement of my message. They also sent a customer service link where I was asked to input a password (chosen by me) in order to access customer support.
I chose a password, and tried to send it, and absolutely nothing happened. (Tried several times, and again today).

Then just now I got another email, identical to the first, asking me to send a photo etc.

These emails also gave a phone number I can ring and gave their opening hours in Beijing time, but the telephone number is one in Texas! (Googled it). (The email this morning was from someone with a Chinese surname).
The website gives the contact address and tel number as ones in California.

I haven't been given an order number, so I doubt I'm going to get the goods, but at least my credit card people have assured me I won't lose my money.


Has anyone else come across anything like this?

I am right fed up, because I have been looking for these goods for some time, and they are just what I want at a good price, with an introductory discount too.

Having had such trouble with one credit card being defrauded, I think you are right to be cautious.

The only possibility I can think of is that these !*$*! want your passwords. By setting you up to fail, they hope that you reuse passwords that you use for other sites or emails. The fact it failed, means there is the chance you will try a different password. They then have a few passwords they can use in an attempt to access your accounts and emails.

If you have any password that is similar or the same as ones you have sent them, I would recommend changing them.

Pyxis

silvercar wrote: »

Having had such trouble with one credit card being defrauded, I think you are right to be cautious.

The only possibility I can think of is that these !*$*! want your passwords. By setting you up to fail, they hope that you reuse passwords that you use for other sites or emails. The fact it failed, means there is the chance you will try a different password. They then have a few passwords they can use in an attempt to access your accounts and emails.

If you have any password that is similar or the same as ones you have sent them, I would recommend changing them.

That's interesting!

As it happens, I use a new password every single time I'm asked for one, which is a total pain, but just as well, I guess! So they can try away, because the one I was inputting is nothing like any other password I've ever used!

The site I was buying from is a silk company, hence the
China connection, I suppose. It's all very strange.

I've emailed the company again today, using an email address rather than the website contact form.
The credit card people recommended waiting to see if I receive the goods, and if not, then to contact them again, and they will get my money back.
With Christmas in the way, that delays things a bit.

SingleSue

michaels wrote: »

I am surpised given all you have and continue to achieve that you let such small stuff phase you in the slightest.

Hard to do I know but try and imagine what you would think if a friend came to you and described the situation you are in, I am sure you would empathise but would have no trouble seeing that the value of the gifts is all about the giver and should have no impact on the receiver beyond confirming their understanding of the issues that the gifter has.

I must admit to struggling a little with my mental health (and probably some empty nest syndrome) recently and it was in one of those down periods that I let it have an impact on me.

Some of it was because I felt I had lost my purpose and am in fact not fit for purpose anymore, some was financial worries (as in more of eek low wages, not enough hours nor capability for top up tax credits rather than debts piling up) and some of it is because of being knackered trying to work rather than claim ESA.

LydiaJ

Pyxis wrote: »

Lydia, I watched the programme about the children in your Aged P's mansion.

I'm about half way through it now. I expected they'd reuse the exterior shots of the building - it's not as though it's changed much since last summer - but they haven't. I can tell they're fresh pics because in the programmes shown over the summer, you could tell that the flat soon to be Aged P's was empty. The shots of the building in the Christmas special, however, show Aged P's flat with curtains etc, and must therefore have been taken within the last 2 or 3 months.

SingleSue wrote: »

I must admit to struggling a little with my mental health (and probably some empty nest syndrome) recently and it was in one of those down periods that I let it have an impact on me.

Some of it was because I felt I had lost my purpose and am in fact not fit for purpose anymore, some was financial worries (as in more of eek low wages, not enough hours nor capability for top up tax credits rather than debts piling up) and some of it is because of being knackered trying to work rather than claim ESA.

As it happens, the programme about the mansion has quite a lot to say about isolation tending to lead to low mood and feelings of pointlessness etc. Isolation is tough, even for amazing people like you who seem to cope so well with stuff that the rest of us can barely imagine.

If only your part of Outer Herts wasn't so far away. I'd love to meet up with you (or any other NP over on the West side of Outer Herts, for that matter). Are your boys going to be home for Christmas?