Help! Estranged father...

Mojisola

TonyMMM wrote: »

Be prepared for having to explain this to his sister, who will probably then feel she has no choice but to arrange/pay for the funeral.

Make sure she understands that the funeral the council arranges will be a simple but very respectful affair.

Relatives and friends will be able to attend.

If she wants to arrange the funeral herself and is on certain benefits, she may be able to get a Funeral Payment - https://www.gov.uk/funeral-payments/what-youll-get

TonyMMM

Mojisola wrote: »

Make sure she understands that the funeral the council arranges will be a simple but very respectful affair.

Very true - but for a long time not being able to pay for a family funeral was seen by many as a very shameful thing - and for some older people that feeling still persists.

Mojisola

TonyMMM wrote: »

Very true - but for a long time not being able to pay for a family funeral was seen by many as a very shameful thing - and for some older people that feeling still persists.

I know - my grandparents feared having a "pauper's funeral" and paid into an insurance scheme to cover the costs but they were both born in the 1890s.

I went to a council paid-for funeral in the late 70s and it was a lovely service - there was no way of knowing that it hadn't been arranged by family members so I don't know whether other people in my age range (post 65) have the fear our grandparents had.

Yorkshireman99

Mojisola wrote: »

I know - my grandparents feared having a "pauper's funeral" and paid into an insurance scheme to cover the costs but they were both born in the 1890s.

I went to a council paid-for funeral in the late 70s and it was a lovely service - there was no way of knowing that it hadn't been arranged by family members so I don't know whether other people in my age range (post 65) have the fear our grandparents had.

I think it is just an old tradition hnaded down from harder times. There is certainly no reason for anyone to fear any shame about it these days. The same sort of mindset still persists about marriage and the importance of having one's "lines" i.e. marriage certificate.

Mojisola

Yorkshireman99 wrote: »

The same sort of mindset still persists about marriage and the importance of having one's "lines" i.e. marriage certificate.

There are some good financial reasons to get married rather than just live together.

PasturesNew

Don't pay for anything, don't accept any responsibility, but try to get access to his home for "personal papers" etc because once all this is over you might have a curiosity about his life you wish to pursue. Even "photos of people you don't know who they are" because if you ever have that curiosity then others will know who those people in them are and will be "grateful" they've got the only/new photo of the person included.

Other people's "old photos of unknown people" can be golddust to others. I had one and it turned out to be the ONLY photo my 2nd cousin once removed had ever seen of her and her three siblings, aged about 3-6 years old in their granny's garden. I'd sent it to her to ask "do you know who these are?" and one was her.

Yorkshireman99

Mojisola wrote: »

There are some good financial reasons to get married rather than just live together.

That is not the point. The older generation had (have) this fear of disgrace if they were found to be cohabiting without being married.

Mojisola

Yorkshireman99 wrote: »

That is not the point. The older generation had (have) this fear of disgrace if they were found to be cohabiting without being married.

Oh, see what you mean!

I know some people my age who still think living together without being married is a bad thing to do.

One of the things that's been interesting in researching my family tree is just how many babies were born out of wedlock or were remarkedly premature!

seashore22

Mojisola wrote: »

Oh, see what you mean!

I know some people my age who still think living together without being married is a bad thing to do.

One of the things that's been interesting in researching my family tree is just how many babies were born out of wedlock or were remarkedly premature!

My great great grandparents had 6 children and never married apparently. I'm not sure who in the family even knew this, but I found it a real eye opener.

Not to mention all the babies born 6 months after the wedding. Marriage may have been more encouraged then, but sex before marriage is certainly nothing new.

Yorkshireman99

Mojisola wrote: »

Oh, see what you mean!

I know some people my age who still think living together without being married is a bad thing to do.

One of the things that's been interesting in researching my family tree is just how many babies were born out of wedlock or were remarkedly premature!

A lot of people have found such anomalies! I could almost feel the outrage of the priest who wrote against a baptismal entry "ye single woman".