Teens and holidays

Spendless

3) Doesn't surprise me. There's been some aspects in what you've said that remind me of my own teenage son(17). And being able to get a B/C grade with minimum effort and plenty of time to spare for gaming is one of them. Mine only ever wanted to get 'just enough' to get on to the next step. We (or rather my DH, who works in IT) have been able to steer him though, onto a computer course, which he much prefers to his schooldays. What's your son's plans post GCSE?

Holidays - I'm reminded of an MSE'r who used to post a lot about her eldest son and how he was creating a problem at home and not engaging with them. On one of her thread she had a suggestion from a (male) poster that she take him away, to a tent in a field if need be and re-engage with him. Later she came back and said she'd taken that advice and it worked really well.

Book your hol, he's given you a suggestion, now you look for something with the right things. Choose something that you'll enjoy and you can do together eg crab pooling, deep sea diving. Anything that doesn't involve a plug or battery life. Tell him you intend booking by Sunday evening, that gives him chance to have a look with you.

It's quite possible that he doesn't know what he wants to do or where to start. Mine told me he wanted to 'look at things' when we go to Florida this year, but couldn't come up with an example of anything he did want to look at.

meer53

OP he's selfish and stubborn because you're allowing him to be. You're not being fair on him, nor on any partner he may have later in his life. You're living with a person who has zero respect for you, are you happy for that to continue and for him to treat someone else like this ? You've given up on him, thats really sad.

mutley74

He says he wants to be in some sort of finance job post GCSE's.

When I go on holiday I like museums, history, travel and eating local cuisines. When we last went on holiday together we did lots of activities (biking, walking etc), theme parks etc. we are both not really into spending 7 days by a beach. I am not booking any holiday for him unless he shows a bit of interest. At the start of 2017 I offered him to go anywhere in the World (seriously) but he showed no interest......think I am on a lost cause here.

I am not expecting him to "drop what he is doing" just for me, but I have asked him a lot the past 3 weeks and not getting real feedback.

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

mutley74 wrote: »

Just a stubborn, selfish teenager.

Although a counsellor told me I am lucky that he at least not getting into trouble with drink or being told off by police etc., which he told me is common with his other teenage patients. In fact son said it is one reason why he left some of his groups of friends, as all they do is drink/smoke in parks.

It is his loss, I am now going to just do something with friends instead, or go away in September myself. :beer:

And you're supposed to be grateful for that? Oh well, he's an insufferable prat, but at least he's not out stabbing people? It's an argument akin to somebody's partner drinking themselves stupid every hour of the day but saying 'I could be out injecting heroin, you know'. Or somebody who screams abuse at their children saying 'you should be grateful I don't hit them'.

We have had to endure some of these infants at work. When he speaks to you like that, how do you suppose he speaks to staff members? Or does the prospect of detention/not being able to come home at 4pm and get on his X-Box all night/his phone being confiscated until the end of term concentrate his mind so that he speaks to them with some respect?

If he is capable of being polite to staff, he's capable of speaking to you like it. He's not 13 and in the grip of the hormone rush, he's almost 16 and that is when the majority of them have already stopped treating other people like dirt.

One of the funniest things at work is when the ones that insist on continually going off task on the computers suddenly find the internet disabled from the staff computer. They really aren't happy about it, but it results in them realising that they are not in control of the adult in the room.

It's unhealthy for anybody to be fixated upon a screen 24/7. I have that tendency, many people do, but the calmest, most productive days at the school were when the network was shut down for 3 days due to a ransomware attack was opened by somebody. Because there weren't any interactive whiteboards, computers, videos or wi-fi to piggyback phones out of data on. The kids were foul for the first half day. By the next, they were calm, working well and behaving much better.

svain

The child is obviously has an addiction ... same as gambling, drinking, drugs etc .... Not quite as easy to just turn off.

Im with OP, some battles are not winnable. The time to of battled this as a parent was a few years back. Unfortunately this time has now passed and so the teenager (near adult) will need to figure out for himself.

As for getting his holiday input .. dont waste your time, book a holiday and leave him at home.

Caroline_a

mutley74 wrote: »

He says he wants to be in some sort of finance job post GCSE's:(

Oh dear. Everyone I have ever known in finance departments works crazy hours, it seems to be expected. Plus study for exams on top. How will he find time for that with gaming?

Savvy_Sue

Caroline_a wrote: »

He may think he can be a 'professional gamer' or game tester but in reality those jobs are as rare as hens' teeth, and those that do exist require some very chunky qualifications.

Not to mention the fact that the testing can be INCREDIBLY boring and repetitive ...

*max*

Just go on holiday without him, and leave him at the grandparents, if they'll have him.

He's a typical teenager. Entitled, angry, all-knowing.

He'll regret not going on holidays with you when he's 30, trust me! But for now, there's nothing you can do about it. So go, enjoy your holiday!

And when you get back, try your hand at light discipline. He'll hate you - he's a teenager. But who cares? You're not his mate, you're his father. Act like it.

sheramber

My father told me 'while you live in my house you follow my rules'.

With my own teenagers up until 14 years they came with us and the holiday was geared to us all.

14 -16 years they had the choice of coming with us and we would find something to cater for us all, or they could stay with their grandmother.

From 16 years the choice was come, stay with grandmother or stay with a friend.

BrassicWoman

backstory

https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/5569035