Too many holidays?

Red-Squirrel_2

ringo_24601 wrote: »

Not to mention you can't really take kids on a hiking trip to Machu Picchu. Start a family and wave goodbye to adventerous (or affordable) holidays. You wave goodbye to travelling as a couple for 16 years.

I believe the phrase "Youth is wasted on the young" may be appropriate. The OP's girlfriend is just trying to enjoy being young. Some restraint will help, but I think house renovations and 'stuff' come second after experiences.

You spend a lot of time in your home though, I don't think wanting it to be nice and comfortable and mostly in working order means you aren't enjoying your life!

There is a balance to be struck, but what it comes down to is that the girlfriend doesn't get to give orders and dictate what her boyfriend spends his money on and expect him to just go along with it.

[Deleted User]

Red-Squirrel wrote: »

You spend a lot of time in your home though, I don't think wanting it to be nice and comfortable and mostly in working order means you aren't enjoying your life!

There is a balance to be struck, but what it comes down to is that the girlfriend doesn't get to give orders and dictate what her boyfriend spends his money on and expect him to just go along with it.

Imagine it with the genders reversed, we'd be horrified, it'd be financial abuse depending on the level of pressure applied!

Remember - he's not paying for her holidays.

I've lived this. I'm OP, but 11 years later. I'm the frugal one. I saved up a house deposit between starting work and meeting my wife. She lived at home, had some credit card debt, nice car, no savings, liked holidays.

But you know what - it's pushed me. I earn 2.5x more now than when we met. I now quite like holidays and we go on fairly nice ones. My wife now has no debts and saves money. We've balanced each other out nicely.

I think there is a mentality where you become entrenched in saving money, to the point that you let your best years become focused on work and frugality. I'm not saying be financially reckless; but don't let overpaying a mortgage be more important than enjoying what life offeres.

OP might want to try to find a better balance on the type of holidays he wants to do though.

System

as I can now afford to over-pay by double the monthly payment, possibly triple if I continue as I have been.

What you are doing is admirable but please dont forget, your only young once. I'm not saying go on all the holidays she wants but dont cut them out completely. Just compromise. Compromise here is the key.

parking_question_chap

cjdavies wrote: »

As you point she still lives her parents so no outgoings like owning a house does.

Time for the talk and tell her how it is, what your priorities are, if she doesn't like it then she is not the one.

Yes, you just might not be compatible if your opinions of money/saving are not similar.

Red-Squirrel_2

ringo_24601 wrote: »

Remember - he's not paying for her holidays.

No, but she seems to be demanding that he go with her, and I don't think she's paying for him!

hazyjo

Gavin83 wrote: »

Is there? Who's to say the OP won't be dead in 10 years or struck with a serious illness that makes travel impossible?

OP, if you were to die in 10 years would you rather have experienced a holiday or paid a bit more off on your mortgage? I know a number of people who have saved hard for retirement and then died a year later. I also know someone else who has gone without to save for later life and has now contracted a serious life altering disease that will kill them one day. I'm sure they'd have rather lived their life differently.

Obviously it's all about compromise, enjoy yourself but also build your future. Just don't look back on your life realising you haven't done anything.

Personally me and my girlfriend went travelling for a year, spent enough for a house deposit. Don't regret it for a second. I can buy a house at any point, got the whole of my life to do that but I've always got those memories.

This rang a few bells with me. My OH's son (24) was rushed to hospital on New Year's Day. Turns out he had some serious bowel disorder which had to be operated on immediately. He was off work until around Easter. Yes, he could have died. It was totally out the blue. Him and his GF have been saving towards a deposit, but now they're talking about travelling for six months with most of that money. His dad (my OH) just looked at me with his jaw hitting the floor when they told us, but I was positive. If it's what they both want to do, OMG do it before you have lifelong commitments of a mortgage, kids, house, etc. They are both still really young. Who cares if they buy at 32. They've been together 7 years or so and still aren't in a rush, they're really solid and sensible and she has no intention of starting a family even until she's over 30.

But if my OH's son didn't want to travel like that and his GF was pushing for it, it would prob be the end of their relationship.

My dad was also taken ill before retiring and died 6 years later. My grandad also died shortly after retiring. Three close friends lost parents who were in their 40s. Life is way too short.

I suppose you could always do what my friends (in their 40s/50s) did and take a year out and rent their house out. Traveled the world.

Or move her in so she has the same priorities as you!

No right/wrong here, you just have to both be on the same page.

Marvel1

Gavin83 wrote: »

Is there? Who's to say the OP won't be dead in 10 years or struck with a serious illness that makes travel impossible?

Personally me and my girlfriend went travelling for a year, spent enough for a house deposit. Don't regret it for a second. I can buy a house at any point, got the whole of my life to do that but I've always got those memories.

Makes sense - says OP may have 10 years but you have your whole life.

I do agree with house upgrades, I had my kitchen/bathroom done, looks nice but does not do anything for me. My living room and upstairs needs doing badly, but not going to waste money on it.

I'm half tempted to just say screw it and book this,
been looking at for a whilehttps://www.justyou.co.uk/en-gb/tours/americas-western-wonders/

LandyAndy

Blackbeard_of_Perranporth wrote: »

She's a cash cow. Get rid.

Do you know what a cash cow is?

heartbreak_star

Holidays have never really interested me, and I've especially never seen the appeal of paying throught he nose to sit on a beach drinking beer...

I'd rather have the home haha!

HBS x

leespot

Interesting thread. As others have already said, this is about compromise and balance.

I've always travelled, love the whole experience of new places, new people and cultures. I can't see a time where I wouldn't want to travel. It's about knowing your limits, and sticking to them. As a couple we earn a fairly decent income, but I budget quite well and have a spreadsheet that helps us keep an eye on things (got that idea from this site years ago and have stuck with it, it works really well).

This last couple of years, we bought a fairly big house that needed a lot of work (literally stripping walls back to the bare brick and starting again). We've still managed to fit in some pretty big holidays, but both discussed the impact these holidays would have on the work and how much longer things would take. This year we knew we'd have to ramp up the work effort to make up for the last year, which we've stuck to. Just had a week in Cyprus with the little one, which was lovely, but have no plans for anything else this year really as we're focusing on the work on the house.

Strike a balance with your girlfriend, just be open and honest about what you need doing on the house etc. I'd be happy to jump on a plane tomorrow for a fortnight, but I won't because the bathroom needs sorting.

Hope you find the balance you're looking for.