Too many holidays?

Red-Squirrel_2

It sounds like you have a 5 year age gap chronologically, but more like 15 or 20 in terms of attitude.

If she wants to spend her money on holidays, fair enough, she's 23, she might not be bothered about ever buying a house etc. But she might have to learn to go on her own! She can't force you or her friends to spend hard earned money that's needed elsewhere on her expensive hobby!

Rosemary7391

Have you got a budget in mind for holidays? I keep aside a yearly amount for holidays with friends, largely because it's important for me to get to spend time with them. Figure this out and then discuss with her how to spend it - more cheaper holidays, 1 expensive one, whatever.

gettingtheresometime

*~Zephyr~* wrote: »

There is always the argument that says, at the end of your life, you're going to look back on the memories you made on these holidays and smile. You're not going to be sat in your nursing home saying to your other half "oooh, remember that time when we overpaid the mortgage..." or "How about the fun we had choosing the new fridge-freezer"

I'm all for having an emergency pot and making small overpayments to shorten the mortgage life, but not at the expense of enjoying life and building memories.

A compromise will have to be found if this relationship is going to work. I can't see her dropping from 8 holidays to one a year, but if she agrees on perhaps 4 holidays a year and she starts a savings pot with what she would have spent on the rest and if you agree to overpay your mortgage a little less and make those 4 holidays memorable then a middle ground can be found.

I'd agree with you but the OP has only been in a relationship with this girl a year so I hardly think thinking ahead to nursing home memories is very high on the agenda.


OP are we talking about £1k+ holidays for the pair of you or is that each?


Personally she sounds like a taker rather than a keeper

FBaby

I've said the same things I have in this post to her a number of time but her response is that she wants to enjoy her life while she's young and before she can't because of having kids in future or not having enough money. I do have enough money to do this, just not enough for everything else as well!

Then she isn't listening, being self-centered and manipulative. She might be a great girlfriend if you enjoy similar things, get along well, etc... but when it comes to moving towards more of a partnership, these qualities start to matter.

She is welcome to enjoy life rather than invest in her future, but she has to respect the fact that you would prefer to secure your future first and enjoy luxuries at a later stage in her life. You are both young and have plenty of time to do all these travels later on.

I'm afraid you need to be firm now if she is choosing not to listen. Either the message hasn't got to her because you are too soft in your approach not wanting to upset her by saying no, or she is willingly ignoring you because it doesn't suit her agenda to have a companion to follow her in her enjoyment of life.

Really, it's a bit of a make or break it if she isn't going to accept you position.

Kayalana99

dcouponzzzz wrote: »

I've tried explaining about the other financial commitments but it's become a running joke with her and both our families that she wants to go on holiday every other week (exaggeration, but she still would if she could).

Thank you for replying, but saying she's not perfect for me isn't constructive, otherwise I'd be single my entire life looking for perfection. I am prepared for her to call everything off for our interests not aligning on this because it's so important to her, but I wouldn't call it off just for this because it's not a deal breaker to me, just frustrating.

It is constructive, I'm not saying you need to find someone perfect - but if someone is going to break up with you because you can't afford to go on holiday with them, it's hardly a stable relationship surely?

It's just not a reason to break up with someone, perhaps having different interests and you not enjoying the holidays then fair enough. As people have said she could go with friends or offer to pay extra if she really wants to go.

You need to be able to discuss these things in a relationship and if you really really can't talk about these things, how are you going to have a future? Are you just going to go along with everything even if you don't want to/end up in debt?

getmore4less

Stop explaining.

Put your budget on the table.

If she wants to go on holidays(with you) that cost more she has to subsidies you or budget down to your budget.

pollypenny

dcouponzzzz wrote: »

If only it were that simple :rotfl: if your OH wants to plan a holiday to a log cabin in Scotland for her bday and you said no, I need a new fridge... How would that go down? Haha

She's not a child! It would go be fine. Does she expect you to manage without a fridge?

Sounds rather spoiled to me.

dcouponzzzz

Sorry, I'm just on my phone in work so can't respond properly to everyone, but thank you for getting involved. She knows I'm 60 years old in the head and I am encouraged by family and friends to do what people my age do and enjoy myself instead of secure my future.

She knows every detail of my financial situation, and I hers, including that as of recently I have about £900 a month disposable income. The last 3 months the two holidays have been £1200 and £1000 per person including spends, but not including materials bought beforehand.

She is mature for 23, but not close to how mature I was at the same age. I don't want to change her priorities to align with mine if I'm taking away her opportunity to enjoy her life with someone while she's young, but I'm patient and already (in my opinion) successful and know that financial security will let me do this in the future.

We're both independant, but I do have a lot to think about. We might not be the best people for each other right now, but I'll make serious efforts for compromise. I think we've both got something to learn from each other.

dcouponzzzz

And my fridge works but it rattles and it's an F on the energy use scale... Trying to reduce energy waste and background noise in the house. At the moment a lot of things humming in tandem makes for a quite distracting ambience haha.

Fireflyaway

You are financially more mature! Stick to your plan and she will have to fit in with it. Holidays are great but at 28 there is plenty of time. Don't end up with regrets or debt. Plan something cool and memorable for the future and budget for it. A holiday or 2 is fine but there comes a stage when responsibilities take over and she has no concept of that yet.