Husband has had an emotional affair

MissBessie

He said he has no idea why she text him that except that she'd been out and was drink. Earlier that night he had sneaked away and phoned her.
Guest101 - my husband has plenty friends of both sexes. He works in a predominantly female environment and I have never had a problem with him txting any of his workmates. This particular friend however, I had never even heard of. She was a big secret

breaking_free

MissBessie wrote: »

Our kids are also devastated and don't want anything more to do with him. People are totally shocked as he is one of the last people you would think would do this. Sorry this is so long

So not only do your adult children know but other people know too. How did all these others find out?

Guest101

Oakdene wrote: »

I think if someone texted my OH at that hour & said that I would be wondering why that person was wishing my OH was 'home', when they were home.

But they weren't home, they were on holiday - presumably the time difference accounts for the fact it was 2am

Guest101

MissBessie wrote: »

He said he has no idea why she text him that except that she'd been out and was drink. Earlier that night he had sneaked away and phoned her.
Guest101 - my husband has plenty friends of both sexes. He works in a predominantly female environment and I have never had a problem with him txting any of his workmates. This particular friend however, I had never even heard of. She was a big secret

Was it a secret because he was actively keeping her secret, or a secret because you weren't talking very much?

NeilCr

breaking_free wrote: »

So not only do your adult children know but other people know too. How did all these others find out?

I am still also very unclear as to how the OP knows all the information about number of texts, contacting this lady early in the morning, late at night etc

FBaby

2am because if time difference on hols, possibly understandable if there is some context to this text. 2am in the UK and something is not right.

My gut feeling is that it did start as genuine friendship, evolved into an emotional affair, and was just crossing the line to something else, or just about to when OP found out about it.

pogofish

My bitter experience is that "emotional" affairs often turn out to be outright lies that are either just about to turn physical or actual affairs where the cheating party is trying to spin things-out a bit longer till they are ready to jump.

Either way - IMO, if its got to this stage then its time to begin mustering the strength to get-out. It won't be much comfort just now but in the long run, you will find it much easier to recover if its you that ends things, not them.

richardw

Get talking, get living, life's too short.

gonzo127

to be honest I have to say I don't think it matters if this was a emotional affair or not, the fact that it appears to have been broadcast to many people will mean that the marriage is unlikely to be able to be saved, as in the first post the op has stated their kids do not want anything to do with him, and all the others are shocked, so there will either be significant resentment from the husband for you having told everyone if it is not true, or all those people are going to make comments etc if you take him back, its going to become very difficult to reconcile.


as to if its an affair or not, I don't think anyone can say for sure as there will be so many details that can not be known which can change things, from the bits you have posted it does sound like it is, but as you believe it is, you are likely to only be 'seeing' and sharing the bits that back up how you feel, as it normal and natural.


the bits about secrecy I think are the big flags to me, because a lot of the other things probably wouldn't of mattered had the other person been male.


but even being female it is not impossible to have a lot of the situations, for example my best friend is female, I am male, we talk a lot, she knows everything about me and I know everything about her, I used to phone her and talk to her about my marriage and relationship problems, same as she talks to me about hers, we chat about the kids, she has phoned me at silly oclock in the morning, whilst I am at work, we have had many text conversations lasting 50+ messages in a day, we will sometimes send complimentary messages to each other, will moan that the other isn't about when we need someone around. yes im sure people would think I have a emotional affair with her, but she is my best friend, simple as

ska_lover

I don't understand this emotional affair thing, it is a very modern terminology


I am a married woman, devoted to my husband and love him with all my heart.


However my best friend is a guy. We chat and share things a lot. I am in no way attracted to him and would be extremely upset if my husband were to think I was being unfaithful in some way


I wonder if it would still be an 'emotional affair' if it was a member of the same sex?


Op I think you need to work on your marriage, accusing him of something he hasn't done, is going to break it as it is on fragile ground, but your flailing marriage is both your issue to concern yourselfs with, and not to put all the blame on him for some imaginary affair