Husband has had an emotional affair

NeilCr

MissBessie wrote: »

Thank you all for your input, I really appreciate it. My husband would never discuss our problems - couldn't talk about stuff like that. That is why I'm finding it hard to believe he could talk to her instead of me. I found out while we were on holiday, having a great time, getting on well. His phone was at my side of the bed for the time when she text at 2:30am........"I so wish you were home". More than just friends I'm thinking

How did the rest come out? Did he then tell you he was texting her 50 times a day etc? Did he tell your children?

As I (and others) have said it can sometimes be easier to talk to someone outside of a relationship

I'm not saying that there isn't something going on. That 2.30 text is very suspicious indeed but for someone who has managed to hide a lot he was very lax in leaving the phone like that

barbiedoll

Lots of posters are suggesting that your husband confided in a colleague about your marriage problems, because he couldn't/wouldn't talk to you.

But let's look at it from a different perspective. When did the problems start? When did you stop speaking to each other? Has it got much worse in the past 6 months? And remember, you only know about 6 months, he may be lying about that, this could have been simmering for much longer. And the text at 2.30am could mean that she is pushing for him to tell you, but that he's not keen. She possibly/probably wants you to find out, you could be playing right into her hands by kicking him out. If she wants someone else's husband that badly, tough....she'll just have to wait.

People embroiled in affairs, emotional or otherwise (are there really any other kind?) tend to distance themselves from their partner and family. And of course, when it all hits the fan, you end up blaming yourself for "not talking" or "not getting on"......it's hard to have any sort of meaningful discussion with your partner if they have one eye and one ear on their phone.

Tread carefully here, don't go in guns blazing. Try to find out when this all started. It could just be a silly, middle-aged man, having a bit of a confidence crisis, or it could be something much deeper. Either way, you may want to start thinking about protecting yourself, emotionally and financially.

Don't drag the kids into it, he's still their father.

Slinky

Just friends? Texing at 2.30am? Why would it matter where he was if they were just texting each other as friends?

There's more to this than he's currently admiting IMO.

Feel for you OP.

clairec79

Depending on where they were on holiday the 2.30am phone call may well have been sent at a normal time from the UK

Oakdene

MissBessie wrote: »

Thank you all for your input, I really appreciate it. My husband would never discuss our problems - couldn't talk about stuff like that. That is why I'm finding it hard to believe he could talk to her instead of me. I found out while we were on holiday, having a great time, getting on well. His phone was at my side of the bed for the time when she text at 2:30am........"I so wish you were home". More than just friends I'm thinking

Wow, home? Does that not insinucate they have been together in a place which they (or maybe just the texter) thinks is thier home?

pinkshoes

I'm surprised you didnt swap her phone number for yours!

Sounds to me like you and your DH need to TALK to each other.

Find out WHY he has been texting this other woman. Sounds to me like she would listen and he wanted some attention that he wasn't getting from you and has perhaps become a bit obsessed...

Hardly crime of the century. Just a sign that things need to change.

Change to what is up to you and him.

TALK to him.

Guest101

OP I have a simple question. - would you be less concerned if this was a man?


Is he not allowed to have friends and to talk to them?

Oakdene

Guest101 wrote: »

OP I have a simple question. - would you be less concerned if this was a man?


Is he not allowed to have friends and to talk to them?

I was in total agreeance to what you have written above, until I read the text that the OP shared which mentioned 'wish you were home'. Unless the OP's OH has jokingly said that work feels more like home to his colleague I find it very worrying that the person would text that at 2am

Guest101

Oakdene wrote: »

I was in total agreeance to what you have written above, until I read the text that the OP shared which mentioned 'wish you were home'. Unless the OP's OH has jokingly said that work feels more like home to his colleague I find it very worrying that the person would text that at 2am

To be honest it was so out there I wasn't sure what it meant.


e.g. if he was home, he'd be working and therefore they'd have laugh at work / or that the colleague is covering work whilst he's on A/L / or as you said work is more like home.


It certainly didn't scream affair to me.

Oakdene

Guest101 wrote: »

To be honest it was so out there I wasn't sure what it meant.


e.g. if he was home, he'd be working and therefore they'd have laugh at work / or that the colleague is covering work whilst he's on A/L / or as you said work is more like home.


It certainly didn't scream affair to me.

I think if someone texted my OH at that hour & said that I would be wondering why that person was wishing my OH was 'home', when they were home.