Just started nursery but scared to go to the toilet, advice please!

ravernoloo

Hi
My little one is 2 and 6 months old, she has been toilet trained since Jan so around 5/6 months now and is brilliant, never has an accident at all! We still have a nappy at nightime. She started nursery around 5 weeks ago, she only goes 1 day a week 9-3.30. The staff have advised me they take her to the toilet often and ask if she needs to go and she says no. But everytime I have collected her from nursery I have found her wet.
Today was a little upsetting as I came to collect her, the keyworker said she had been sitting on the rug reading books for ages. I then went to give her a cuddle and her trousers were soaked. Seems she was sitting on the rug reading because she was too scared to ask to wee and had wet herself. Her keyworker said she must have only just done it but it was cold so definitely not fresh. I took her to their toilets and she had a wee and I changed her clothes.
It seems she is fine weeing in their toilets with me but not with the nursery staff.

How long do you think it will be before she might gain the confidence to go with them? I hate the thought of her feeling so uncomfortable that she has to wet herself.

Should I go in after a few hours and take her to the toilet?

Guest101

ravernoloo wrote: »

Hi
My little one is 2 and 6 months old, she has been toilet trained since Jan so around 5/6 months now and is brilliant, never has an accident at all! We still have a nappy at nightime. She started nursery around 5 weeks ago, she only goes 1 day a week 9-3.30. The staff have advised me they take her to the toilet often and ask if she needs to go and she says no. But everytime I have collected her from nursery I have found her wet.
Today was a little upsetting as I came to collect her, the keyworker said she had been sitting on the rug reading books for ages. I then went to give her a cuddle and her trousers were soaked. Seems she was sitting on the rug reading because she was too scared to ask to wee and had wet herself. Her keyworker said she must have only just done it but it was cold so definitely not fresh. I took her to their toilets and she had a wee and I changed her clothes.
It seems she is fine weeing in their toilets with me but not with the nursery staff.

How long do you think it will be before she might gain the confidence to go with them? I hate the thought of her feeling so uncomfortable that she has to wet herself.

Should I go in after a few hours and take her to the toilet?

I wouldn't. It's probably detachment, and if so, a helicopter parent is the last thing she needs.

clairec79

It may be worth asking the nursery workers not to ask her if she needs to go, but take her regularly and make her sit on it and try - I know you said they say they take her, but is it they take her to the room, she says no and they leave it

Sometimes kids can not want to ask, either through shyness or because they are too busy having fun.

I know the playgroup mine went to got all of the kids to go to the loo and try before snack time, regardless of whether the child said they needed to or not

ravernoloo

Yeah I will ask next week when she goes if they can physically sit her on the toilet. Its hard as you cant see what they do or how they do it. She's really good at home and goes when she needs it, I never prompt her at all. But then we do have her potty in the front room with us so it's not too far from her.
It's my first born and so have never had any dealings with a nursery or a nursery environment, I just hate the thought of her feeling so uncomfortable. I know she has to get to know the girls there and that takes time, it's just hard to know what to do (or not to do)

Guest101

ravernoloo wrote: »

Yeah I will ask next week when she goes if they can physically sit her on the toilet. Its hard as you cant see what they do or how they do it. She's really good at home and goes when she needs it, I never prompt her at all. But then we do have her potty in the front room with us so it's not too far from her.
It's my first born and so have never had any dealings with a nursery or a nursery environment, I just hate the thought of her feeling so uncomfortable. I know she has to get to know the girls there and that takes time, it's just hard to know what to do (or not to do)

The simple thing from memory is rewards for dry pants - however...


using a potty is not toilet trained. Have you got a toilet seat that she uses?

ravernoloo

She uses the toilet upstairs fine and also out and about, it's just because I also have a 7 month old it's not always possible for me to run upstairs with her and the baby. She does poos on the toilet mainly. Are you saying it's best to get rid of the potty now that she can do it on the toilet? I have just been a bit afraid to ditch the potty fully

Guest101

ravernoloo wrote: »

She uses the toilet upstairs fine and also out and about, it's just because I also have a 7 month old it's not always possible for me to run upstairs with her and the baby. She does poos on the toilet mainly. Are you saying it's best to get rid of the potty now that she can do it on the toilet? I have just been a bit afraid to ditch the potty fully

I would, but each child is unique.


Mine went pretty much straight from nappies to toilet, literally used the potty twice I think, knocked it over both times - the joys!

trailingspouse

Could she use pull-ups for the day she's in Nursery? The staff would still take her to the toilet, but it would save discomfort etc if she did have an accident. And if she doesn't want to wear them, explain that big girls tell the grown up if they need to go to the toilet. At a very basic level, does she know who to tell? She might think she can't ask them if they look like they're busy. 5 weeks really isn't very long for a little one to get used to a new system.

culpepper

If she generally uses a potty at home, it might be she is afraid of falling down the hole in the toilet.
My little sister was terrified of that.
Once it was discovered, my dad made a fun conversation with her about how big she was and how small was that little hole and once she had had a laugh over it with him, she wasn't worried any more.
With our kids, we had one of those detachable kiddie seats that can fit any ordinary toilet so the possibility of falling down it never seemed to come up.
I do remember wetting myself in 1st year infants when I went to school because I was terrified to have to ask to go and so become the centre of attention,so if she is a shy girl, maybe the nursery assistants could make it okay to ask even when everyone is busy etc.

FBaby

Two possibilities: She doesn't yet feel confident to ask/go to the toilet, assume she can hold. If so, speak with the staff -again- so they speak with her -again- and give her the reassurance that she can ask to go at anytime. They will no doubt be used to dealing with this.

The other possibility though is that she gets totally engrossed/distracted in what she does. Distraction that is new, with people around, exciting will often mean that they miss that one moment that means going to the toilet to being too late.

Whatever the reason, don't get cross or upset. Both my children went though phases of regression, from being totally trained to having daily accidents, and that even after they started school. They are both high achievers, physically active, and haven't had an accident since they were about 6. It did frustrate me at the time, but looking back, it really didn't matter much.

candlelight_2013

I think she will gain confidence, and I think as someone suggested she doesn't want to be the centre of attention.

I remember our first daughter when she was little and who will be 49 this year:), would be so engrossed in what she was doing that she would leave it to the last minute. She would be going up the stairs and the cry would be "Mum I've wee'd myself" I never told her off, but for a short while we had a lot of little pants on the washing line.

I am sure she will be fine, without you being with her she isn't quite as confident, but it will come.

Candlelightx