Boy meets girl

The_all_new_me_2

Sorry, wasn’t quite expecting much by way of replies. I just thought it would be cathartic to write something.

Yes, I’m currently in a relationship that I value with somebody I suspect I will grow old with. Does she know about (I’ll refer to the person I knew years ago as ‘B’) and the answer is no because its not relevant. B is huge part of my past but has no place in my future. I’ve known Sophie since we met at the start of secondary school. We have dated and lived together on and off (amicably) for a good few years. Although she’s never explicitly said I think she stuck around so long hoping I’d pop the question. I was at her wedding about 10 years ago and I was as pleased a punch for her. I’m almost certain that she knew something big had happened in London with a female but I just simply couldn’t talk about it and she sensed that it was best left alone.

I’ve skimmed a few books and resources on the subject and they all seem to think that if your having problems its because your a billy no mates who’s unable to have any sort of fulfilling relationship. I have no problem with relationships, ones that work ones that don’t. I’m not sat here everyday crying into a hanky pining for a person that I haven’t seen in years. Its not ruining my life but every so often it just seems to completely overwhelm me.

Thanks Primrose your words are very kind.

Aced2016

I'm still slightly confused ! Did anything actually happen with the girl in London ? And how many years ago was this ?

Primrose

The_all_new_me wrote: »

. I’m not sat here everyday crying into a hanky pining for a person that I haven’t seen in years. Its not ruining my life but every so often it just seems to completely overwhelm me.

Thanks Primrose your words are very kind.

Some people go through life without ever experiencing something which feels really magical which makes such an impact on them that the memories of it remain with them for ever. Perhaps you should count yourself fortunate that you experienced such an emotion. Because life is so transient few of those memories are capable of being translated into something which remains with us permanently.

On the occasions when you think if her just mentally thank her for the good memories which you had. Don't blame her for the unhappy bits. Remember she was young and inexperienced too and if she ever deins to reminisce and look back on that episode she may well reflect how unkind and inexperienced she was at dealing with a relationship. Remember the old saying "when I was a child I thought and acted like a child. Now I am a man I think and behave like a man" (or words along those lines.

If your girlfriend of all those years ago were to turn up today, you might not like what she has become or might even ask yourself "why on earth did I lose so much sleep over her?. She's just so ordinary/Ungainly/ugly/insensitive/old !! etc.

Perhaps that's why our rose tinted spectacles about the past are probably best left untampered with!

Kim_kim

The_all_new_me wrote: »

.........and the way she said “init” it still makes my chest tighten and my mouth go dry.

You had me going till this part - lol

Was her name Catherine? Catherine Tate?

Supernatural

Aren't rose tinted specs grand?

gabriel1980

You know I had some problems letting go from situations of the past, broken relationships, stupid decisions and so on, but there are therapies which can help. Counsellors/psychologists have a lot of techniques at their disposable these days.


I did read about one this is audio based, you are asked to focus on the problem and then tones are played through headphones to each ear. Not sure of the science behind it, but maybe worth seeking some therapy.

The_all_new_me_2

I’ve wondered recently why this seems to have become so much more of an issue over the last year or so. Thinking about it, it seems that as life has naturally slowed down, theres been more time to think about the past. I can’t take her out of me and I can’t ever see a time when I’ll be able to have a healthy relationship with it. Its always been a head and heart thing, my head will logically say let it go but my heart just can’t despite it causing me such pain.
I had a bit of free time this afternoon so looked to see what I could find on Google. What I appear to be ’suffering’ from is pretty common, but what I found really astonishing was that I’d always assumed that it was a 6 month or maybe a year thing but there were people in there 50’s taking about relationships that they’d had in University.
I’m a big strapping bloke which makes my predicament seem even more bizarre well to me at least. I did a few years after this speak to my doctor in very general terms but despite being fantastic with physical problems he’s rubbish with anything else.

Acknowledging and spending time with ‘it’ rather than sweeping it under the mental carpet is helping.

prosaver

i always think of my first love... wont go back with her tho..
suppose it was part off my youth why I do
things wont be the same,

prosaver

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mNk8yXTWbVY

heres another heart breaker read the lyrics..classic

Primrose

How old are you now? This has obviously been going on for years, but exactly how many years?
There does come a point when grief at your loss of her has developed into an obsession, and I!m wondering if you are at that point.
If you suddenly found out that she had actually died years ago would that have affected the way you are still thinking of her.?

Maybe you do have have to think of her as being dead otherwise you could still go on obsessing about her for years into the future. If you really cannot get her out of your mind after all this time you do need help for dealing with an obsession.

What, as a matter of interest, were you actually researching on Google? Hopefully not trying to find her or track her down. After all these years ainthink that would be asking for trouble. Time to let go now, mentally wave her goodbye and force yourself to think of other things whenever she creeps into your memory.