We can't afford to live together and have children

Red-Squirrel_2

Another angle, is it really fair on your parents that they are still housing and supporting you long after they would probably have expected you to move out? Do you not think it might be nice for them to be able to live as a couple, and have the kind of life that most parents of grown up children have?

Its not just you and your girlfriend you should be considering, its them too.

Caroline_a

Good lord, never have I read so much indecisive twaddle!! Over the past 30 years I've been divorced twice, made redundant 7 times, and 2 years ago was diagnosed as having stage 4 cancer. None of which I had thought would happen. But you know, I came through it all, even the cancer!

What are you going to do when your parents die? Or become old and infirm? You have no idea, because these things happen, and we all deal with them in our own ways depending on the current circumstances, not on some convoluted what if we thought of 20 years before.

Sounds like you've been protected all your life and now you're frightened to step away. Time to grow up.

chesky

I gave up at page 6 and came back to here.
He's winding everyone up!

enthusiasticsaver

Whilst I am all for people thinking carefully about taking on such a large commitment as a mortgage I agree you are overthinking things.

First of all we are unlikely to see interest rates as high as 10% in the foreseeable future if ever. Whilst our government can print money as they do now and we continue to be a heavily indebted nation raising interest levels to that height would bankrupt the country as the government is the largest borrower. Not going to happen.

You have a monthly income of £2300 and your mortgage will be £600 so you will be paying just over 25% of your income in mortgage costs. Why you are talking about £900 for living costs is beyond me but it should be more than enough anyway. Many people live on less. Just make sure you don't take on loads of debt to furnish the house.

Again, with childcare. First of all getting pregnant takes time and may take longer than usual if you have a low sperm count. Maternity pay and tax credits will help with costs if your partner goes back to work. Most people work it out.

Your best bet is to budget carefully, save or overpay the mortgage as much as you can in the early years and don't take on a lot of extra debt in addition to the mortgage.

You are obviously a worrier and maybe you have been sheltered too long at home. Running your own home is a challenge, you will make mistakes and learn from them but life is for living. Sitting on the sidelines worrying about things which may never happen is just wasting time. Life is short. Also the older you get the shorter the term of the mortgage has to be as most lenders won't lend over a certain age and it will be more expensive.

FBaby

I know that's a luxury that I've had for longer than most people do and now I have to do it. It will be a steep learning curve but it has to be done

That entire thread could have been summed up with just this sentence. It's good you finally reached that realisation.

Indeed, you had good and now you face the reality of adulthood. The positive part of it is that when a luxury becomes exactly that, a luxury, you appreciate even more. Add to this the feeling of achievement as your life progress, and you realise you've made the right choices. You'll get there, slowly, but you will manage it.

JadedAngel88

Mountain and Mole Hill come to mind.

I haven't read all of the thread, got to 6 pages then gave up.
If I was you I wouldn't leave home, you don't sound like your quite ready for the big wide world.

GarthThomas

JPB156 wrote: »

Yes both full time just both on not much above minimum wage and as I say not had opportunity to move up in our careers

Then I suggest that one or both of you look for a change of direction. Earning just over minimum wage at 35 while not rare is not really usual, either. You've had thirteen years since graduation to improve your skills but have not made yourself any more valuable than an eighteen year old straight out of school.

That's not good at all, and yes, it means that you will struggle, but the good news is that it's never too late to change things.

Do you go in every day looking to do the job better than the day before, or do you just do what you are told and then go home? If the latter, then of course you won't move ahead. Both of you need to start doing your best to excel, every day. Give it six months of that, and then ask again what opportunities there are.

While you are doing that, set about improving your skills with study at night. How many languages do you speak, what extra qualifications do you have? Also get applying for better jobs.

Look at it this way, you have literally thousands of better paying jobs out there, as you are starting from such a low base. Make yours of into the sort of person who employers want to give one to.

GarthThomas

JPB156 wrote: »

I don't understand why I would even be posting if I was making excuses and didn't actually want it to happen, if that was the case where would my problem be

Ah, that one's easy. A lot of people post because they want people to agree with them, to tell them that they are right, and reassure them that they are continuing to make the right decisions.

The reason that you aren't getting very positive feedback is that you are posting things which make most other adults despair, you are writing like a sixteen year old, thinking that you know what it will be like to have a household together, and also you are not apparently doing anything to improve your situation.

It's frustrating, reading posts like yours. You knock back every good suggestion, with old vital information, and seem sulky when people point it out. It's not the behaviour that'a going to get you to where you want to be.

arbrighton

GarthThomas wrote: »

Then I suggest that one or both of you look for a change of direction. Earning just over minimum wage at 35 while not rare is not really usual, either. You've had thirteen years since graduation to improve your skills but have not made yourself any more valuable than an eighteen year old straight out of school.

That's not good at all, and yes, it means that you will struggle, but the good news is that it's never too late to change things.

Do you go in every day looking to do the job better than the day before, or do you just do what you are told and then go home? If the latter, then of course you won't move ahead. Both of you need to start doing your best to excel, every day. Give it six months of that, and then ask again what opportunities there are.

While you are doing that, set about improving your skills with study at night. How many languages do you speak, what extra qualifications do you have? Also get applying for better jobs.

Look at it this way, you have literally thousands of better paying jobs out there, as you are starting from such a low base. Make yours of into the sort of person who employers want to give one to.

Not sure they're actually a graduate..... Nothing has ever implied that. Never mind outright. I don't think may jobs for a graduate are NMW, surely?

GarthThomas

JPB156 wrote: »

I really don't know what to think anymore

I really wish I'd read further before posting...

When I was 22 I was Ina job that I could see wasn't going anywhere, much like you are now.

I could have been like you, and just noted that, and accepted that I'd never be well off, but that seemed like an awful idea. What I did instead was to do a doctorate while I worked out what job I could become qualified for, and then applied to investment banks for their graduate training courses. I started at 25. At 35 I'd moved to New York, was working for my third bank, and was running a trading desk.

Your choice. Head down, muddle on, and in ten years get a nice cardigan and slippers, or get out there and make what you want happen?