Adventures of the Boy & Me..

Chandelier.

Evening

I've been awol past couple of days due to work hours and sleeping for the rest of the time. In this I've accrued a couple of NSDs. Off the top of my head I've accumulated another three bringing it to 4/15 NSDs

I've three days off now until I'm next due in work so I'm planning on recuperating and catching up with a few household things.

I went out with manfriend Saturday night and had a good time but I've been having a hard long think about what I really want for my future and I'm unsure whether that's him. I've decided to take a few days breather and see whether I actually miss him and his company. I can only analyse this further maybe next week. There's been a couple of discussions which have rocked the boat.

My head seems alot clearer these days. I'm taking my meds as I should be and I'm just carrying on with life like I usually would. Its been a tough couple of months and I've had lots of time for reflecting.

I saw one of my old best friends on Monday and had a good catch up. I kind of withdrew myself from the friendship whilst off my meds. I need to make sure I arrange another catch up in the next week or so.

Anyway enough rambling on for one night

SpekySquarehead

Good to hear from you again and keep going with the NSD's - easier said than done.

I think taking a step back is a good thing, from past experience. As you say, it's let you collect your thoughts, uninterrupted, and really look at the situation thoroughly. I hope it all works out the way that you wish.

You know where we all are!

Chandelier.

Morning,

Cheers Speky! You're definately right about the whole taking a step back scenario. I've had a couple of days breather and I'm still nonetheless sure of what I really want. I do enjoy his company but I'm not sure there's much potential long term. I could break it off now and just be friends? I think that would be a bit weird though. This morning he phoned me and randomly told me he missed me... confusing. I've only been seeing him once a week recently due to us both having other commitments. Gah! I don't know what to do. I may just ride it out and see what happens. There's always the potential to explore other options.

Anyhow, last night we had chinese takeaway for tea which the boy thoroughly enjoyed. He then had his ice skating lesson in which he's doing really well! I managed to get some good video of him doing many jumps. I'm so proud of him

Today I haven't much planned, I think a nap is on the cards as I'm feeling so tired. I may possibly be seeing manfriend tonight and probably end up going out for a few drinks.. I'll decide whether I want to later on.

So nothing much else is going on!

DebtFreeDuo

Have you talked to your man friend about the long term? I have recently been on the other side of this, I think they had already made up their mind when talking to me which really wasn't helpful, I think if they had spoken to me before making their mind up then things could have been different because I would have been able to have some kind of input rather than no input. We are still friends but I still want more and its really hard because I find myself questioning everything.

Chandelier.

DebtFreeDuo.. its a really complicated situation. We do talk about things but to be honest I can't see a long term future due to circumstances.

DebtFreeDuo

Dating is complicated, I feel like hiding away from the world and living in my own little bubble! I just wanted to show potentially the other side of it. I think if you can't see anything long term and man friend wants long term then you will probably be better off telling him this sooner rather than later. If he doesn't want long term then you can just go with the flow and let it come to its natural end. I guess it depends on whether you want to spend your time (which I assume is as precious as mine with being a single parent) with someone who won't be around long term.

Chandelier.

Its been quite a few days since I last updated.

DebtFreeDuo, after an argument Manfriend stated he didnt know what he wanted. Basically he wanted his cake and to eat it. But I deserve more then that. At one point we talked about things long term but more recently I don't see it anymore. The situation is complicated, more then it should be and I'm finally ready to walk away.

We went out Friday night and got pretty drunk together. He paid for the night out- drinks and taxis. I actually had a really good night and felt more settled then I had in a while with him, it was like old times. After I left Saturday afternoon things went a bit quiet and back to being strained like it has been over the last month. It seems the only time I get the old him back is when he's had a drink.

On Saturday night I decided enough was enough and I blocked and deleted his number. I then didn't speak to him until last night. He tried to turn everything round onto me.

I think he's living in cuckoo land. Somethings snapped in me and I realise I deserve better. Things shouldn't be this hard or messed up in a relationship.

So I'm finally walking away for good. And I actually feel quite positive about it

DebtFreeDuo

There are a number of red flags there for me, I think you are completely doing the right thing by walking away.

Chandelier.

Definately lots of red flags... I've just been too blind to them. Lessons learned and all that.

He put me in many awkward situations that I kind of just accepted when i shouldn't have.

Also when I came off my meds he convinced me I didn't need them... bad move. I ended up going into melt down mode and was close to an admission.. The situation with him didn't make things better.

Somethings finally clicked, it's like I've had my lightbulb moment.

I always remember when we were on a night out once a girl turned round to him and said I was a beautiful person and that he's lucky to have me. Then on another occasion a woman pretty much said the same thing. Looking back maybe they thought I was too good for him. Oh how right they were.

Onwards and upwards from now

Chandelier.

Debt 15/11/17

1) MBNA #1: £700 (Ends December 2018)

2) Halifax #1: £2300 (Ends February 2019)

3) AA: £2400 (Ends July 2019)

4) MBNA #2: £3000 (Ends December 2019)

Total: £8400

--

I've made an overpayment of £100 towards the debt split between the Halifax/MBNA #2 debt to bring the numbers to nice round zeros. I like it much better this way and will keep it like this at all times during the debt busting.

My main focus at the moment is still to get rid of MBNA #1 first, so I will allocate most of my funds to this. However I will also allocate £100 a month to the other three balances to keep them ticking over with nice neat numbers.

This month so far has been a funny one and still rather spendy. I need to rein the budget in as I've had quite a few spendy days .

I bought myself some new makeup on Saturday. I've not bought any for a while and figured I deserved some. I then bought the boy a cheap box of lego because he did well at school throughout the week and learnt lots in his ice skating lessons.

This week the boy has experienced some bullying which has deeply upset him. I went and spoke to his teacher today so hopefully somethings been sorted out.

We went out for a meal last night with his Dad to cheer the boy up. He had a great time.

Thats pretty much it, I'm spending my days working or juggling other commitments. I promised myself I'd make more efforts with my friends so I have been doing.

Lifes ticking along just fine.