Relationship breakdown - 3 children currently in US but want to bring them back to UK

[Deleted User]

FBaby wrote: »

Once again the issue is not helping her settle back to the UK. It's great she has a great friend in you willing to do so. It's the fact that you don't seem to think she is doing anything wrong in going about it in a deceptive way that people are commenting about.

Again, my feelings on the subject are not relevant or for public debate, you have no idea what I think about anything. I am asking for help and advice, not judgement, for a friend. She has done nothing "deceptive" at all, she hasn't even booked a plane ticket yet. If you have something helpful then I'd love to hear it.

bouicca21

Put aside the speculation about what is or is not best for the children. It's a legal issue. If she brings the children back to the UK on pretence of a holiday and then keeps them here, she will be guilty of abduction and if the husband requests it the English courts will send them back for the issues to be sorted by the American courtS.

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

goochie wrote: »

Can I just say thank you to those who have answered my initial questions.

This is a very messy situation which involves a lot of people whom I care a great deal about. It is not relevant whether you or I agree or disagree with my friends' decisions up until now or as and when they need to be made over the coming months.

I am trying to resist getting sucked in to comment on all of your posts regarding your views on what is right/wrong, fair/unfair, I am privy to a lot more background information but I cant possibly put everything that I know down on this forum to feed peoples curiosity.

Also, at NO point has a decision been made as to where this family will end up living, there is no desire to uproot the children to what is a foreign country and a totally different life, but that might just be the "best" outcome.

I'm still here if people have experience of similar issues and or feel they can help, thanks again everyone.

Don't get me wrong, from what you've posted on here, her husband sounds like a complete ar5e, but coming back 'for a holiday' when she is considering getting in touch with her old contacts for employment, has presumably at least thought of asking her parents to look after three children, including one with special needs, and has spoken to you about it in terms of 'might as well be poor/homeless here as there', and has even mentioned that her husband won't like it and might refuse permission if he thought she was intending to stay here, so has presented it in terms of needing to visit the parents - well, that is a situation where, combined with how life is over here for poor people/how they are treated when trying to get help from the system, could be far, far, worse for her and the children.

What if she refuses to go back, he returns, gets a job/somewhere to live and immediately files for the return of the children? What if the kids say they want to go home? They're old enough for their wishes to be taken into account by a judge. So she ends up over here but without them? Legal Aid isn't likely to be forthcoming. And I wouldn't imagine he'd want her back after that, so her chances for returning to the US to be on the same continent as her children would be limited.


I'm not judging her - but I'm concerned that her actions - the actions she is considering, at any rate - particularly in still paying for clubs and activities when they need to pay for somewhere to live and their day to day bills, like food and fuel, could actually leave her in a worse position than if she actually did something practical in the US to try and get out of the situation right now.