Relationship breakdown - 3 children currently in US but want to bring them back to UK

Primrose

I think there will be few if any families, even in the wealthier parts of the US who would have the capacity to invite a household of two adults and three children to move in with them indefinitely.

I think time is of the essence here now. We are in mid May and the husband still has no signs of alternative employment. Your friend probably now has no option but to seize the bull by the horns, have a future planning discussion with her husband and family and start planning to relocate to the UK if that is where the only offer of practical help is coming from.

She and her husband must stop waiting for the miracle job to appear, get help for dealing with their massive debts and book their flights to the UK. They have a house to clear, furniture to somehow ship or put into store and three school places to try and secure in their new country.

It must be all too easy for your friend to freeze at the overwhelming transition which faces her but that unfortunately will not make it go away. And she will also have to cope with supporting her children while they feel their lives are being ripped up. It frankly doesn't sound as if she's going to get much support from her husband in all this if he's living in the clouds.

Does he not have parents who can try and make him see sense? I have no idea how the laws of insolvency work in the US but with debts of that magnitude they need some professional advice very quickly .

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

I think if they have no home, are massively in debt and have one way flights to the UK with no visible means of support, that they may find themselves experiencing some difficulty when it comes to entering the UK.

Would family and friends be prepared to house, feed and clothe 4-5 people and pay their healthcare for at least six months?

http://heathrowtravelcare.co.uk/what-we-do/returning-to-the-uk-from-abroad/


The cost of living in the UK is a lot higher in many cases than the US. Housing and transport, for example, and food.

I would assume that they have no healthcare cover over there right now. Well, they wouldn't have it here, either. Or any credit rating - renting somewhere would be nigh on impossible with no ability to pass a credit check.

And the debts will follow them.

This is before even considering that the children will be, to all intents and purposes, Americans moved to a foreign country. They may well have been privately educated rather than attending US public schools, but that doesn't make here any less foreign to them, as they have no memory of what it is like.


Could she not get a job where she is, or has she been there on a spouse's visa all that time? Can she not leave and get things sorted for herself and the children? (Mind you, if she gets deported for not having a Green Card, then they would be entitled to some further assistance in the UK). The forums all seem to suggest getting overseas Citizenship before leaving to be a very good idea.


Coming back won't fix everything, they could be even worse off - and with unhappy children who go back to the US like a shot.


I've noticed that 'destitute UK citizens should present themselves to the care centre'. It sounds as though they would be - but then they'd have to tell the kids and she'd have to tell her husband that it isn't just a holiday.



This forum might help http://britishexpats.com/forum/moving-back-uk-61/

I noticed on it that one of the main problems is the kids getting education post 16 without being charged International Student Fees. But hopefully, there's more help there.

Mojisola

goochie wrote: »

my friend is married (both British but have lived in the US for past 11 years)

Will they be allowed to stay if neither of them is earning?

[Deleted User]

thorsoak wrote: »

In case they come back and stay back without husband,will the wife be able to get a job? They will not be entitled to any welfare benefits, nor will they be entitled to NHS services without paying for them.

Will her family be able to support them until they get on their feet?

She will try and get a job, yes, but can't until she knows whether she is staying in the UK or not, the financial situation of her parents (divorced) is not great either but they will literally be homeless in the US, as for whether she is entitled to benefits, that is all way down the line, she just needs to get here and try and work it all out.

[Deleted User]

POPPYOSCAR wrote: »

Perhaps not.

But they deserve to be told the truth.

Especially the 14 year old.

Can you imagine going on what you think is a holiday to then be told you are not going back.

That is not fair IMO.

I hear you, but that's my call, she is so stressed she doesn't know what day of the week it is, literally selling everything she owns to pay for food on their table, she wants them to take their exams without any more stress on them than they already have.

[Deleted User]

Ronaldo_Mconaldo wrote: »

How would the OP know all of this about someone who's been living in the US for 11 years? A bit strange.

What?? She is my best friend, I have spent hours on the phone and in the US with her recently, she has told me everything. Not helpful.

[Deleted User]

Mojisola wrote: »

Will they be allowed to stay if neither of them is earning?

In the US? Their green cards expire in October, so I think after this date they would have to leave the US anyway.

[Deleted User]

Primrose wrote: »

This sounds a nightmare situation as the marriage must be in difficulties anyway if all the husband's massive hidden debts are only just coming out. I think your friend not only has her future country of abode to try and decide on, she also has to decide whether her marriage is worth saving by the sound of it. It sounds as
if she has no secure financial future on either side of the Atlantic with no US husband's pension there to rely on, and little or no NI contributions here in the UK to fund benefits here.

If they are about to be evicted, assuming her husband doesn,t get another job rapidly, he will not be able to offer his children a home anyway, even if he wants them to remain in the US. That's the reality of the situation. He may have to agree and accept that his children therefore be domiciled where there is some kind of family financial support for them.

That about sums it up!

I think the wife needs some immediate and frank discussions with her husband and as soon as his exams are over the 14 y.o.especially needs to be told of the realities of the situation. The children will almost certainly see it as being pulled out of the only environment they have ever known so a move to another country will be traumatic for them, even if financially it's possibly the only practical solution.

I can assure you that she has had many frank discussions with her HB and his answer is "your negativity is not helpful, you have to believe in me",

I think your friend needs the advice of a local solicitor on possible potential "abduction" issues. How can the husband stop this happening if neither of them can pay any legal fees to implement or prevent their movement to the UK? In my view the husband needs a wake up call. His project is no longer working and he must look to the longer term interests of his wife and children. If he doesn!t it may be the end of his marriage.

In the meantime the wife needs to make a decision rapidly. Does she have a past history of NI payments which might entitle her to some level of UK financial support and benefits? . Also if remaining in the UK seems the only option she will have to act quickly once here to find school places for her three children. She's probably out of touch with school place allocation methods here and won't realise that many schools are over subscribed and she may have difficulty in getting suitable places for them in the immediate locality where she is likely to reside. If she can't afford a car to drive them to and from schools located further away that will be another problem she will have to face.

She worked in the UK full-time for 20 years, but has not worked in the US mostly because she was bringing up her family and HB didn't want her to work.

[Deleted User]

Thank you to all who have posted, particularly those who have tried to answer the original question(s). I totally understand that my post will generate lots of questions, speculation and judgement on how she is handling the situation, it's human nature. But I promise you that there is not a scenario that she has not considered, she is fully aware of the impact on her kids, but her options are extremely limited, and as I say at least she has friends and family in the UK that will help. Her HB is in total denial and refuses to discuss anything other than he will get a job and clear all the debts and they will all live happily ever after (I pray that is the case, but am 99% sure that won't happen) . She knows that whatever happens there are very tough times ahead, she hasn't slept in months, just wants to get to the UK with her kids to her mothers home and work it out from there, they are homeless in the US from 30th June and their green cards expire in October.

[Deleted User]

Jojo_the_Tightfisted wrote: »

I think if they have no home, are massively in debt and have one way flights to the UK with no visible means of support, that they may find themselves experiencing some difficulty when it comes to entering the UK. They will have return tickets, if her HB can get a job and a roof over their heads, she will go back.

Would family and friends be prepared to house, feed and clothe 4-5 people and pay their healthcare for at least six months? Yes

http://heathrowtravelcare.co.uk/what-we-do/returning-to-the-uk-from-abroad/


The cost of living in the UK is a lot higher in many cases than the US. Housing and transport, for example, and food.

I would assume that they have no healthcare cover over there right now. Well, they wouldn't have it here, either. Or any credit rating - renting somewhere would be nigh on impossible with no ability to pass a credit check. They have the lowest level of healthcare in the US currently, why would they not be able to see a doctor in the UK on the NHS if they are domiciled here?

And the debts will follow them. Yes, that is one in a long list of things that will need to be addressed when the time comes.

This is before even considering that the children will be, to all intents and purposes, Americans moved to a foreign country. They may well have been privately educated rather than attending US public schools, but that doesn't make here any less foreign to them, as they have no memory of what it is like.


Could she not get a job where she is, or has she been there on a spouse's visa all that time? Can she not leave and get things sorted for herself and the children? (Mind you, if she gets deported for not having a Green Card, then they would be entitled to some further assistance in the UK). The forums all seem to suggest getting overseas Citizenship before leaving to be a very good idea.


Coming back won't fix everything, they could be even worse off - and with unhappy children who go back to the US like a shot. They can't be much worse off than they are now, homeless, about to be made bankrupt.


I've noticed that 'destitute UK citizens should present themselves to the care centre'. It sounds as though they would be - but then they'd have to tell the kids and she'd have to tell her husband that it isn't just a holiday. She can't make that decision until she has got here and given HB as much time as she can to change their situation, she has return flights to the US and will go back if he can turn things around, so no decision can be made at this time.



This forum might help http://britishexpats.com/forum/moving-back-uk-61/

I noticed on it that one of the main problems is the kids getting education post 16 without being charged International Student Fees. But hopefully, there's more help there.

Thank you I will send her these links