Duty to make an effort?

BrassicWoman

yawns at another fatty bashing thread

Red-Squirrel_2

Lioness_Twinkletoes wrote: »

As one who has been married for over 25 years, I can definitely say that how he looks is less important than how much I can rely on him. In the last 27 years he has:

Lost weight
Lost hair (and gone grey)
Had to start wearing glasses
Become far more serious and less inclined to go out

I have:

Gained weight
Had to start wearing glasses
Gone grey
Become a lot more inclined to go out


We have worked through some seriously challenging time and have raised our children together. We've supported each other through thick and thin. He is my best friend and my rock. I am his best friend. We can be totally open and honest with each other and share the same views, hopes and dreams.

We've both changed; both physically and mentally. However, he is still the man I met and fell in love with and the person that I depend on the most. I don't care that he looks different and has matured and become more serious. He doesn't care that I have gained weight, gone from blonde to brunette (and back again). It's the person that matters, not the way that person looks.

:T

Lovely post.

Marvel1

If you expect them to do something about it - sounds abuse to me in the controlling way. What next? What to wear!

Does that mean you don't drink or smoke?

Gloomendoom

Why on earth do people get so defensive when there is a suggestion that they may be doing something for somebody else's benefit?

Surely consideration for the feelings of others is a positive trait.

mark5

Lioness_Twinkletoes wrote: »

As one who has been married for over 25 years, I can definitely say that how he looks is less important than how much I can rely on him. In the last 27 years he has:

Lost weight
Lost hair (and gone grey)
Had to start wearing glasses
Become far more serious and less inclined to go out

I have:

Gained weight
Had to start wearing glasses
Gone grey
Become a lot more inclined to go out


We have worked through some seriously challenging time and have raised our children together. We've supported each other through thick and thin. He is my best friend and my rock. I am his best friend. We can be totally open and honest with each other and share the same views, hopes and dreams.

We've both changed; both physically and mentally. However, he is still the man I met and fell in love with and the person that I depend on the most. I don't care that he looks different and has matured and become more serious. He doesn't care that I have gained weight, gone from blonde to brunette (and back again). It's the person that matters, not the way that person looks.

I agree with this to a point but your talking about a long period of time and mainly growing older, I think it's a little different when someone goes from being immaculate and well presented to school gate scruffy, size 8 to size 16 over the course of a few years.

There's a difference between someone growing older and someone who completely lets their appearance go.

AylesburyDuck

Gloomendoom wrote: »

Why on earth do people get so defensive when there is a suggestion that they may be doing something for somebody else's benefit?

Surely consideration for the feelings of others is a positive trait.

You mean along the lines of telling someone their fat and you dont find them attractive anymore because, well, you love them and want to find them attractive again and its for their own good.
You're saying this is a positive trait?
Just making sure i havnt misunderstood you.

Gloomendoom

AylesburyDuck wrote: »

You mean along the lines of telling someone their fat and you dont find them attractive anymore because, well, you love them and want to find them attractive again and its for their own good.
You're saying this is a positive trait?
Just making sure i havnt misunderstood you.

You have.

I was simply referring to somebody doing something to please somebody else. For example, left to my own devices, I would grow a beard. However, my wife doesn't like me with a beard so I shave.

I don't do it for me, I do it because it pleases my wife, and I'm not afraid to admit it.

AylesburyDuck

Gloomendoom wrote: »

You have.

I was simply referring to somebody doing something to please somebody else. For example, left to my own devices, I would grow a beard. However, my wife doesn't like me with a beard so I shave.

I don't do it for me, I do it because it pleases my wife, and I'm not afraid to admit it.

Ah ok, i kind of get you, but still dont particularly agree.
Ah now, i myself dislike long beards (hipster style), my husband hates to shave, we compromise and when he starts looking like Dan Heggerty out of Grizzly Adams he takes it back to a number 1 or 2. Everyones a winner.
He doesnt have to do things to please me, and vice versa, resentment can build up over the years that way when you have to start changing yourself to please others.

Gloomendoom

AylesburyDuck wrote: »

He doesnt have to do things to please me, and vice versa, resentment can build up over the years that way when you have to start changing yourself to please others.

I don't do things because I have to please my wife. I do them because I want to. I'm sure she does the same.

I don't see any shame in that.

hazyjo

If you meet someone in your teens or twenties, you are unlikely to still have the same body shape as you get older.

My BF (thankfully) met me when I was a size 18 in my 40s and I'm unlikely to ever be a size 8-12 again like I was in my late teens/early 20s. I naturally have a big bum, boobs and legs. Even when I was a size 8, I had big legs, and when I was about 7 years old, the boy next door said 'she's got a really pretty face but fat legs' lol.

Just saying that sometimes you do have a natural shape that it's inevitable you will 'grow into'. I will never be skinny all over. I've learnt to accept that. I still get attention so it's not like I'm completely unattractive to the opposite sex!

I do think that 'for fatter or thinner' should be added to the marriage vows though. Of course I get your point, and it's not what you sign up for, but they're still the same person. It's much easier to say diet than it is to do it.