Duty to make an effort?

Fireflyaway

I just watched a video where a series of guys met up with a Tinder date. The date was actually an undercover actress wearing a fat suit! The idea was to see how the guys reacted when confronted by a girl much heavier than in her profile pics.
Anyway this made me think to what extent do wives / husbands have a duty to keep themselves looking attractive? I myself have gained 5 stone since I met my husband. I know had he met me at this weight he wouldn't have asked for a second date. I know he loves me but truth be told I'm sure he would prefer me slimmer. I see so many scruffy mums on the school run and wonder how their husbands feel. I have heard some say its no wonder husbands cheat due to wives not caring how they look but take Tiger Woods, Ronan Keating and the tall footballer whose names escapes me. All had models wives and that didn't go well....
So is it unfair to expect a husband / wife to accept something different to what they originally 'signed up for'?

Primrose

I think becoming grossly overweight becomes a health, diabetes, stroke and heart attack risk so yes in that respect, you're being disrespectful to your partner if you continuously expose yourself to those kinds of risks without a thought as to how this would affect them if they had to care for you, or even lose you.
It,s all very well saying that you should love somebody for who they are but if they're deliberately neglecting their health, potentially at their partner's risk, that's being rather selfish in my opinion.

Fireflyaway

Primrose I agree. Despite being fat and sounding like a hypocrite this has crossed my mind. I was really thinking about the attraction side of it but yes health is very important too! Good point.

Marvel1

Primrose wrote: »

I think becoming grossly overweight becomes a health, diabetes, stroke and heart attack risk so yes in that respect, you're being disrespectful to your partner if you continuously expose yourself to those kinds of risks without a thought as to how this would affect them if they had to care for you, or even lose you.
It,s all very well saying that you should love somebody for who they are but if they're deliberately neglecting their health, potentially at their partner's risk, that's being rather selfish in my opinion.

You are at risk on a daily basis.

Primrose

Well of course physical attraction comes into it too. I think most people would be lying if they said they enjoyed living with an obese pr heavily overweight partner. I have friends of both sex who are overweight. It doesn,t stop me liking them as people but I certainly wouldn,t feel attracted to any member of the opposite sex who was obese, however nice a personality they had. For me its a big turn off.

Gloomendoom

Fireflyaway wrote: »

So is it unfair to expect a husband / wife to accept something different to what they originally 'signed up for'?

It depends, if it's due to illness or something else out of their control then, no it isn't unfair, you agreed to "in sickness and in health".

If it's just gluttony or laziness then, in my opinion, yes. If I start to put the pounds on, I do something about it and I expect my wife to do the same. Luckily, we both have a low personal chubbiness tolerance so it isn't usually a problem.

My aim is never to get too big to fit in my wedding suit.

tensandunits_2

You do see mums in the supermarket with their slim boyfriends and you think to yourself, she's probably put on timber since she had the children. It goes on around the stomach and on the hips and thighs, and unfortunately they seem to succumb to the fashion of wearing leggings - awful unflattering things at the best of times.

But I think that is different to becoming very obese.

gettingtheresometime

Thank goodness my relationship with hubby is built on more than physical appearance.

I've always been a big girl and probably always will.

I have lost 2.5 stone with the intention of losing more but if I didn't I doubt it would worry hubby.

I wonder how people who are so image conscious would manage if they or their partner had some life changing disfigurement. Not very well I'm guessing

FBaby

Physical attractiveness is rarely the full foundation of a marriage but often one element of it. How each react to one putting on weight depends on various factors, age, length of relation, how much healthy lifestyle is valued, the reason for the weight etc...

Pop_Up_Pirate

gettingtheresometime wrote: »

Thank goodness my relationship with hubby is built on more than physical appearance.

I've always been a big girl and probably always will.

I have lost 2.5 stone with the intention of losing more but if I didn't I doubt it would worry hubby.

I wonder how people who are so image conscious would manage if they or their partner had some life changing disfigurement. Not very well I'm guessing

A life changing disfigurement through no fault of their own is entirely different to someone who just eats too much and doesn't care about the people they live with.

Lioness_Twinkletoes

As one who has been married for over 25 years, I can definitely say that how he looks is less important than how much I can rely on him. In the last 27 years he has:

Lost weight
Lost hair (and gone grey)
Had to start wearing glasses
Become far more serious and less inclined to go out

I have:

Gained weight
Had to start wearing glasses
Gone grey
Become a lot more inclined to go out


We have worked through some seriously challenging time and have raised our children together. We've supported each other through thick and thin. He is my best friend and my rock. I am his best friend. We can be totally open and honest with each other and share the same views, hopes and dreams.

We've both changed; both physically and mentally. However, he is still the man I met and fell in love with and the person that I depend on the most. I don't care that he looks different and has matured and become more serious. He doesn't care that I have gained weight, gone from blonde to brunette (and back again). It's the person that matters, not the way that person looks.