Duty to make an effort?

borkid

Primrose wrote: »

I think becoming grossly overweight becomes a health, diabetes, stroke and heart attack risk so yes in that respect, you're being disrespectful to your partner if you continuously expose yourself to those kinds of risks without a thought as to how this would affect them if they had to care for you, or even lose you.
It,s all very well saying that you should love somebody for who they are but if they're deliberately neglecting their health, potentially at their partner's risk, that's being rather selfish in my opinion.

I hope that applies to all matters concerning health such as exceeding the recommended drinking limit even if the drinker doesn't put on a lot of weight and become obese.

Pollycat

I think you have a duty of care to yourself to try not to put too much weight on - for your own health (obviously some people put weight on through medical conditions that they can't help, I'm talking about the people who know they're over-eating or are eating the wrong things).

I don't feel I have a duty of care to my husband to look attractive for him.
I dress to please myself.
I think I dress well, if a tad off-the-wall for a 60-something.
I have good handbags & expensive shoes and spend time deciding what to wear and what to accessorise (my sister says I'm the most coordinated person she's ever met).

I take the same care with jewellery.

My hair is always done to my own style.

But I do it for me.

My OH does seem to like my look.
He wears nice shirts (that I buy for him) so he looks good too but we don't do it for each other.

Ilona

I agree with Pollycat on most things, this included. The only person you are responsible for is yourself.

I think the concerns for overweight is all about how unhealthy it is, not about how the person looks. There are some lovely looking plus size women who look gorgeous, but they are in danger of dying young due to the amount of fat they are carrying around. If they are happy in their own skin and take responsibility for their own lifestyle, it is up to them, and no one else's business.

Anyone can fall in and out of love for various reasons. No one is going to stay the same for the whole of their lives. If someone says I don't love you any more because you are bigger than you used to be, then that is their issue, not the partner who has gained a couple of stone.

I have a couple of good friends who are overweight, one has been told she is borderline Type 2, and the other has been told by the doctor to stop drinking alcohol. I worry about them, I would like them to be around for a lot longer, but ultimately it's up to them whether they take responsibility or not.

Ilona

boliston

Primrose wrote: »

.....
It,s all very well saying that you should love somebody for who they are but if they're deliberately neglecting their health, potentially at their partner's risk, that's being rather selfish in my opinion.

How is the partner at risk? Do you mean they could be squashed?

DigForVictory

Pollycat wrote: »

I think you have a duty of care to yourself to try not to put too much weight on - for your own health

This. Also, sauce for the goose.

Rather than count the women who've "put timber on", clock the guys who should be listening to the diabetes clinic staff...

For all it's nice they're cuddly, it's not so nice when their blood sugar dips into vile mood, they whine about all the things they can't eat and they put the NHS to extra wear & tear when a bit of informed self restraint would keep them in better finances, health & temper for extra years.

So if anyone, man or woman, was minded to judge anyone, check your own BMI, blood pressure & MS health first?

AylesburyDuck

Lioness_Twinkletoes wrote: »

As one who has been married for over 25 years, I can definitely say that how he looks is less important than how much I can rely on him. In the last 27 years he has:

Lost weight
Lost hair (and gone grey)
Had to start wearing glasses
Become far more serious and less inclined to go out

I have:

Gained weight
Had to start wearing glasses
Gone grey
Become a lot more inclined to go out


We have worked through some seriously challenging time and have raised our children together. We've supported each other through thick and thin. He is my best friend and my rock. I am his best friend. We can be totally open and honest with each other and share the same views, hopes and dreams.

We've both changed; both physically and mentally. However, he is still the man I met and fell in love with and the person that I depend on the most. I don't care that he looks different and has matured and become more serious. He doesn't care that I have gained weight, gone from blonde to brunette (and back again). It's the person that matters, not the way that person looks.

^^^^^^^^^
This with millions of bells on.
Some of the opinion in this thread leave a totally nasty taste in the mouth, makes me wonder wether the study/interest of this could go further, and relationship figures also taken into account, times married/divorce ect!
Myself, i couldnt agree with the above more, married once and been with him over 35 years, been thin, been fat, so has he.
Beauty is not skin deep,and if that was the case then we would all be as shallow as puddles.

balletshoes

gettingtheresometime wrote: »

Thank goodness my relationship with hubby is built on more than physical appearance.

I've always been a big girl and probably always will.

I have lost 2.5 stone with the intention of losing more but if I didn't I doubt it would worry hubby.

I wonder how people who are so image conscious would manage if they or their partner had some life changing disfigurement. Not very well I'm guessing

I agree with you, but I also agree with those who have posted to say that they doubt they would have been attracted enough to a "big" girl or bloke at the initial stages of meeting etc, to start a relationship with them, and so their relationship with their partner may potentially suffer if they started off with a slim partner and now they're obese.

You met your husband as a big girl (same here). So he was already attracted enough to you, including your size, to want to be with you. With some people, being overweight is a turn-off (in a similar way being a smoker is). My BIL is like this, he's very matter-of-fact about it, he looks after his body and keeps fit, and someone who doesn't would be a turn-off to him.

ViolaLass

My OH has a duty to keep being considerate and nice towards me, as do I towards him.

The rest is fluff.

gettingtheresometime

Lioness_Twinkletoes wrote: »

As one who has been married for over 25 years, I can definitely say that how he looks is less important than how much I can rely on him. In the last 27 years he has:

Lost weight
Lost hair (and gone grey)
Had to start wearing glasses
Become far more serious and less inclined to go out

I have:

Gained weight
Had to start wearing glasses
Gone grey
Become a lot more inclined to go out


We have worked through some seriously challenging time and have raised our children together. We've supported each other through thick and thin. He is my best friend and my rock. I am his best friend. We can be totally open and honest with each other and share the same views, hopes and dreams.

We've both changed; both physically and mentally. However, he is still the man I met and fell in love with and the person that I depend on the most. I don't care that he looks different and has matured and become more serious. He doesn't care that I have gained weight, gone from blonde to brunette (and back again). It's the person that matters, not the way that person looks.

This in spades.


It always makes me wonder about how people develop their perceptions of others based on their physical appearance rather than their personality

onlyroz

A five stone weight gain is a pretty major change - if it was my partner I would have to question the reasons for it.