spendthrift husb - dunno what 2 do - ideas ?

BartGirl

My husb and i are having serious marital probs as it is - but if I'm honest the main prob we have is money.
We have a 2 year-old and i work part-time. We both bring in roughly £1k a month each after tax. He pays the rent - £400 and diddly squat else. Well - his 1 cc payment, a loan and his OD too.
I pay all the household bills, am behind on the c.tax, and have 3 cc's i'm in the process of paying off.As well as a provident loan too I basically find that 2/3rds of my income is spoken for. I was raised in a home where we were always careful with cash - and so i spend my food money in aldi,lidl,asda etc and our clothes come from primark etc but even so - i have no savings and the little i manage not to spend - i always end up giving to him indoors cos he's always broke within a few days of payday.
My question is: how can i start to build savings ?
I go to Costco too - every few months which is a lifesaver - but i really need to build savings somehow I always have nothing by month end - any any any handy hints would be useful...thanks!

Bun

Hi there,

Has he always been like this? The first thing I noticed is that you bring in the same even though you work part-time. Does he have a problem with this, and therefore pay the portion of his salary that he thinks he should? Where does his money actually go if he is paying for no other household expenditure? Is there more debt than you know about. Speaking from experience, he may feel he can't tell you?

BartGirl

Yes we do bring in the same.

Basically - i have a good job which is why i'm lucky to earn that amount on a parttime basis. I know what his debts are - he's quite open with that, but he just spends foolishly and unnecessarily - designer clothes,out with mates,take-aways etc but he justifies it by saying that he deserves to treat himself..

Yet I'm busy trying to 'live within my means' and luckily have no OD but paying CCs back monthly.He just doesnt know how to budget and I've tried to 'teach' him this over the years but since the baby arrived - its all gone out the window..

Yes he has mentioned that i should be grateful that he pays that amount of rent - but my comeback was that when i was working fulltime - I paid the rent which was £600 at the time..

ailuro2

Keep a spending diary for a month, write down everything you spend- he doesn't have to do it unless he buys shopping, or pays for takeaways etc.

At the end of the month add everything up, including all rent,cc tax,shopping, children's clothes budget, presents for Christmas budget, then take half from his pay.

Offer to take all of the remainder off of him and give him it back in weekly installments. That way he will have to make do with the money he has.

Do not give him any money halfway through the month, and for goodness sake, make it a priority to get rid of those debts- if you overpay on the CCard or CCtax as soon as you have an extra tenner, then that's one less tenner for OH to spend.;)

conradmum

Well, first of all you need to work out the expenditure of the household, then at least you can show him that you shouldn't be 'grateful' :rolleyes: that he pays the rent and nothing else. He can't argue with black and white figures on paper. If you both bring in the same amount of money I think you should go halves on everything. Work out how much this is for all the bills (try not to forget things like car tax and insurance, presents etc) then split them down the middle.
If he agrees to pay half (and I don't see how he can reasonable refuse) get a standing order from his account into a joint account that comes out at the very beginning of the month. Pay the bills from the joint account. Whatever he has left over he can have for the treats he 'deserves' :rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes:.
I think you need to be a little more assertive, rather than taking out loans to try and pay for everything yourself.

BartGirl

Thanks for all the advice, the only issue I have now is that you've come up with really good ideas except that Yes I havent been assertive cos he has a tendency to 'fly off the handle' when i bring up practical money issues. I've put that politely. And I tend to try to keep the peace cos i cant stand the shouting and rowing infront of baby etc.
He'll never hand over any cash to me - he never has..why would he start now? But I agree that any overspend on CC's or bills is the way I have to go - cos I'd never thought of that before. I've got monthly payment schemes with the CCs and never miss a payment. Thank God.
I wouldnt go the joint acc route though - cos I know he'd just help himself - he's done it before when i used to let him have my card 'for emergencies'..also the fact that longterm I'm not planning to be here for much longer..so the less our finances are entangled-the better..

ailuro2

Well, being really practical you need to get rid of your own debt and build up an 'escape fund' he doesn't know about.

If 'flying off the handle' involves physical or emotional abuse then please seek help and leave ASAP.

Emmzi

Save the money you are no longer giving him cos he's blown his cash 2 days after payday.

I don't like the sund of him getting all angry and sulky. Not good.

PasturesNew

BartGirl wrote: »

..also the fact that longterm I'm not planning to be here for much longer..so the less our finances are entangled-the better..

Do you mean you're leaving him?
Well why not make that your priority now as the best way to sort your finances out?

If you plan to leave him - and - if every month you are with him you get further in debt, it seems the best way to get sorted is to leave him soonest.

Sounds like a !!!!!. Although, perhaps he doesn't feel good enough about himself in someway or other, so it might not be his fault [insert namby pamby sh1te here] the bottom line is while you're with him you're broke and living a cr4p life. You've decided it's not for you long-term, so start planning your route out.

pinkshoes

I have a few suggestions, although all will involve sitting down together and discussing the finances:

1) You open a joint account, and both of you pay in an equal amount each month by direct debit from your own accounts, and this is enough to cover rent, CT, gas, elec, water, childcare and food shopping. The rest of the money you can spend how you like.

2) You manage all the finances i.e he hands his salary over to you, you agree how much "pocket money" you both get, and then you pay all the bills, rent, debts etc...

3) You work full time and he works part time and takes over some of the child care

lindsaygalaxy

I have been where you are. I was left with £25,000 debt and being a single parent.

I you intend to stay together and work this out, pay everythign 50/50, so you pay half the rent, and he pays half the bills. Put it all on paper, and show him how if you worked full time, how much the extra childcare cost would be.

Or as stated above, you work full time, and he does the childcare.