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Is it important to have a life of your own?

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  • toniq
    toniq Posts: 29,340 Forumite
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    You should have asked for an invite to Ibiza.
    #JusticeForGrenfell
  • Poor_Single_lady
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    OP you are like the boy who cried wolf. You're all like- let's have a discussion, what do people think - and then you just clear off!
    It's up to you but isn't it only polite to come back and contribute to some of your threads.
    2017- 5 credit cards plus loan
    Overdraft And 1 credit card paid off.

    2018 plans - reduce debt
  • arbrighton
    arbrighton Posts: 2,011 Forumite
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    ttoli wrote: »
    Does your friend know that you are posting this ?? , I rather think not !

    Perhaps more to the point, does the friend exist?
  • arbrighton
    arbrighton Posts: 2,011 Forumite
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    OP you are like the boy who cried wolf. You're all like- let's have a discussion, what do people think - and then you just clear off!
    It's up to you but isn't it only polite to come back and contribute to some of your threads.

    He doesn't seem to like it if people disagree with him....
  • Andrew_Ryan_89
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    maman wrote: »
    I wonder if you're a tiny bit jealous of the freedom he has to go out and enjoy himself OP.

    He may get fed up with the lifestyle eventually but provided he's paying his way then good luck to him.

    Incidentally if he blew all the £7000 on champagne in Ibiza, what's he living on?

    He is living with his mum.

    Just to clear up a few things as I think others have got me wrong on this (my fault in the OP). I am not being judgmental in anyway. My personal belief is that if you are happy with your life, your are a success. Some people don't want children or marriage, some people do. Makes no difference. Some people are more care free etc.

    During my conversation with my friend, he would always tell me about the things he wants in life (a partner, meaningful job, support his mother etc.) and is upset that these things are not in place. My point was, for all the short-term hedonistic pleasures he puts a lot of time, effort and money in to but long term he doesn't. Again this is not a problem per se. His friends do the same but have something of their own life to go back to (career, partner, children or simply just happiness/selfworth by themselves).

    This is quite difficult to explain in writing but the question I am asking is is it important to have a life foundation that is personal to you? Keep in mind that in the OP I am asking the question and not claiming to know it. In terms of the thing that gets you up every morning, is it a problem if that is literally just friends and the recreation that you do with them?
  • spirit
    spirit Posts: 2,886 Forumite
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    There's no right or wrong answer Andrew.


    what's right for one person isn't necessarily so for someone else.


    Live and let live.
    Mortgage free as of 10/02/2015. Every brick and blade of grass belongs to meeeee. :j
  • Pollycat
    Pollycat Posts: 34,790 Forumite
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    He is living with his mum.

    Just to clear up a few things as I think others have got me wrong on this (my fault in the OP). I am not being judgmental in anyway. My personal belief is that if you are happy with your life, your are a success. Some people don't want children or marriage, some people do. Makes no difference. Some people are more care free etc.

    During my conversation with my friend, he would always tell me about the things he wants in life (a partner, meaningful job, support his mother etc.) and is upset that these things are not in place. My point was, for all the short-term hedonistic pleasures he puts a lot of time, effort and money in to but long term he doesn't. Again this is not a problem per se. His friends do the same but have something of their own life to go back to (career, partner, children or simply just happiness/selfworth by themselves).

    This is quite difficult to explain in writing but the question I am asking is is it important to have a life foundation that is personal to you? Keep in mind that in the OP I am asking the question and not claiming to know it. In terms of the thing that gets you up every morning, is it a problem if that is literally just friends and the recreation that you do with them?
    Andrew
    I think you're being a bit specious with your comment ^^^^ in bold.
    I told him that he needs to carve out a life for himself. All his friends that were in ibiza with him all went back to their jobs, wives and children and every time an opportunity comes up for him to do something with his life (relationship, money and family) he inevitably throws it down the drain, especially as he goes on about not having the aforementioned.

    It's getting to a point where everyone around him is getting married, having children, buying properties or getting on with a career. I just fear that 10 years from now all he's going to be over reliant on others for any ounce of happiness or self worth

    Sorry, I know it's a long post and I hope it makes sense. What are your thoughts?
    Why did you feel it necessary to tell him he needs to carve out a life for himself if you're not being judgemental and criticising his lifestyle?
  • fairy_lights
    fairy_lights Posts: 9,220 Forumite
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    In terms of the thing that gets you up every morning, is it a problem if that is literally just friends and the recreation that you do with them?
    No, why would that be a problem?
    I'm still not really sure what you're asking.
  • tea_lover
    tea_lover Posts: 8,261 Forumite
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    In terms of the thing that gets you up every morning, is it a problem if that is literally just friends and the recreation that you do with them?

    As opposed to what? What sort of purpose would you count as 'worthy' enough..... curing cancer maybe, or developing unlimited free energy?

    This guy sounds like he's enjoying life - surely that's more of a success than someone dragging themselves in to a job they hate every day just for the sake of the money.
  • Andrew_Ryan_89
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    Pollycat wrote: »
    Andrew
    I think you're being a bit specious with your comment ^^^^ in bold.

    Why did you feel it necessary to tell him he needs to carve out a life for himself if you're not being judgemental and criticising his lifestyle?

    Because he is the one asking for my opinion. I don't just go up to him and start mouthing off. We are having a deep conversation (haven't seen him in some time since he's moved up north) and he is upset by the fact that he doesn't have a partner, job or can take care of his mother. My observation is that that he may find it worthwhile to concentrate on himself a little.

    A lot of people have jumped on me about this thread but haven't even really responded and just have concentrated on "my ego". As I mentioned before, I am just asking a question, not too sure of the answer. I have a friend who is not in the happiest position and comes across as he has no direction in life. One day he is wishing he had money to help his mother out, next day he gets it, the day after he spends it on 50 Cent Vodka and Cristal and the day after that he is upset that his mother has to sell the car to pay for house repairs and food and he was not in a position to help.

    The point of this thread was to ask, in regards to your foundation in life, is it a problem if it is reliant on other people (who are not family)? I am not the happiest of people generally speaking but have a goal in life to make my wife happy and raise a health and happy child, passing on lessons learned, owning a house to pass on etc.I love going out with my friends, playing football here and there but my self worth, sense of achievement, goal in life is not reliant on them. I got a home to go back to, a child, a wife and a brother who I am trying to do my best for. I am not showing off nor do I even remotely claim I have a perfect to even decent life. I don't know the answer to the above either.

    My worry for my friend is that when everyone is grown up, whether that be the family man with 10 kids, the single person building a career or property empire or someone working 9-5 5 days a week, single and happy strolling through life and take each day as it comes - What happens to the guy who still wants the family and career success but can no longer go out clubbing every weekend or Ibiza every month because everyone around him has their "own life" to deal with?

    Does he simply go out whenever he can, go on holiday whenever the guys are free and maintain the same level of happiness (not too sure that's the right word)? Or does he go into a deep depression/feeling of inadequacy? I don't know. I know a put a personal example but this topic was more to explore the above question. It would be better if people contributed more by saying how they currently setup their lives or examples of other people they know instead of jumping on me for not responding to a thread 10 minutes after it was created.
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