Is it important to have a life of your own?

So I thought of this thread after a discussion with a friend of mine. Last year he came into some money as he was made redundant, something around £7k, and pledged to use it to start his own business as he was fed up working in the corporate environment.

During that time, I was with him when another friend of his called and asked if he wanted to join them in Ibiza for the week to celebrate a birthday. In typical fashion, without thinking he said yes and literally got up, packed his bags and headed for the airport that evening. When he came back he was showing of all these pictures of him drinking stupidly expensive champagne and went on about how much of a good time he had.

Not going into details, he's been through enough that he deserves to let his hair down whenever but I was scratching my head puzzled as the week before he was talking about using his money to help his struggling mum and start a business, but now he had blown all his money and had no job.

Anytime someone ask him out somewhere he always says yes. Even when he has a prior arrangement he will somehow try to merge the two or go to both. He's a fantastic guy and every one loves him and his quirks.

Broke and jobless, we are having a deep conversation about a number of things and I brought up the conversation about his spending in Ibiza. He felt no way about it, justifying that his friends also went and spent thousands on champagne. Paradoxically, he also was emotional by the fact he was not in a position to help his mum out and or start a business but mentioned a friend invited him to go to Thailand for 3 months and he was going.

I told him that he needs to carve out a life for himself. All his friends that were in ibiza with him all went back to their jobs, wives and children and every time an opportunity comes up for him to do something with his life (relationship, money and family) he inevitably throws it down the drain, especially as he goes on about not having the aforementioned.

It's getting to a point where everyone around him is getting married, having children, buying properties or getting on with a career. I just fear that 10 years from now all he's going to be over reliant on others for any ounce of happiness or self worth

Sorry, I know it's a long post and I hope it makes sense. What are your thoughts?


    POPPYOSCAR Posts: 14,897 Forumite
    First Anniversary Name Dropper First Post
    'You can lead a horse to water but you cannot make him drink'
    comes to mind.
  • mgdavid
    mgdavid Posts: 6,706 Forumite
    First Anniversary Name Dropper First Post
    POPPYOSCAR wrote: »
    'You can lead a horse to water but you cannot make him drink'
    comes to mind.

    Spot on - or as my son says, you can try to help friends with advice but you cannot live their lives for them.
    If it were me I would make sure I wasn't around in 10 years time when he's likely to sponge off you.
    The questions that get the best answers are the questions that give most detail....
  • FBaby
    FBaby Posts: 18,367 Forumite
    First Anniversary First Post Combo Breaker
    Some people invest in their future because the fear of being destitute, broken, lonely and depressed is not worth any immediate enjoyment. Some on the other end take the attitude that no-one knows what tomorrow will bring and rather make sure they make the best of any immediate opportunity.

    The problem is when the latter came to that stage when the immediate enjoyments are harder to gain, and the realisation that the future has become present can be tough to take. They are not victims though, they face the choices they made.

    You can talk to him in a non patronizing way, but you can't change his outlook on life though.
  • chesky
    chesky Posts: 1,341 Forumite
    First Anniversary First Post
    The title of this thread and its content bear no relationship to each other.
  • Pop_Up_Pirate
    It's up to your friend how he lives his life. You shouldn't project your ideals onto him.
  • PeacefulWaters
    PeacefulWaters Posts: 8,495 Forumite
    He has a life. Let him lead it.
  • Pollycat
    Pollycat Posts: 34,767 Forumite
    Name Dropper First Anniversary First Post Savvy Shopper!
    chesky wrote: »
    The title of this thread and its content bear no relationship to each other.
    I thought that too.

    He does have a life.
    He appears to be living it as he wants.
  • Money_maker
    Money_maker Posts: 5,471 Forumite
    Combo Breaker First Post First Anniversary
    Good for him. He's definitely living it.

    More worried about the OP as his threads show he clearly isn't enjoying the life he's carved out for himself.
    Please do not quote spam as this enables it to 'live on' once the spam post is removed. ;)

    If you quote me, don't forget the capital 'M'

    Declutterers of the world - unite! :rotfl::rotfl:
  • Diary
    Diary Posts: 591 Forumite
    I'm 51 and if I'd known what I know now at, say, 25 I'd have lived my life like your 'friend'.
    Master Apothecary Faranell replied, “I assure you, overseer, the Royal Apothecary Society dearly wishes to make up for the tragic misguidance which ended so many lives. We will cause you no trouble. We seek only to continue our research in peace".
  • getmore4less
    getmore4less Posts: 46,882 Forumite
    Name Dropper First Anniversary First Post I've helped Parliament
    My first thought was fix your own mess before trying to fix others.

    why is it people with problems seem to be sure how others should fix/change their lives but are basket cases when it comes to fixing their own.

    The things you seem to be advocating for him are not making you happy.
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