Can relationships/marriages work between two religions?

TBagpuss

Marriages / relationships can work between people of different religions, or nationalities, or other big differences, but it is something which can mean that you need to work harder on the relationship, as it's more likely that you will have differing unspoken expectations or assumptions, as we all tend to base our expectation for relationships / how families work on our own experiences.

So it is probably even more important than with other relationships to discuss in advance what you each want from the relationship.

It is worth bearing in mind that your friend's father sounds more conservative/traditional than she is: you and she may need to talk about when and how you would talk to her father, and what her reaction will be if he demands that she chose bewteen you and her father.

Gloomendoom

Is this her?

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

Of course relationships can be successful.

OH is possibly the most rubbish Catholic in the village, but believes. I think I understand what gives believers their joy and comfort, but feel absolutely nothing emotional about any religion, despite having been interested and learned about as many as I could. Emotionally, I just don't get 'it', but I can manage to not be offensive about it.


Relating to dietary practices, it's not hard to accommodate. She doesn't have that much of a problem with pork if she's eaten it, just don't insist on bacon or a roast if you're eating out with her family - or declaring you could never give something up as, after all, you could, but when it boils down to it, you just don't want to. Plenty of people who are vegetarian or vegan have partners who aren't - some decide to eat the same as the person with the more restrictive practices, some eat what they want outside the home, some just cook separate meals - it's not as if seeing this girl automatically means you have to convert to her religion or eat exactly the same meal as her every moment of your waking life, is it?

Not sharing details with her Dad could just as easily be the same where any lad is concerned - Dads can be very protective, whether religious or not, or he just might not be that type of Dad who can have conversations about anything.



Why not just see how things go, rather than making it out to be a huge Thing before you've even started a relationship? It could be a nice but short lived thing, it could be The Relationship. Don't doom it before it's even started - concentrate on enjoying each other's company and learning about Islam just enough to not offend everybody the first time you meet anyone from her family.

theoretica

Jlawson118 wrote: »

I don't think I'd ever let a girl lose her family just for me no matter how much I was in love with her..

It sounds like your family is important to you - it isn't to everyone. I balk rather at the way you phrase this too - you might be an extremely good exchange for some families, surely the woman would have a major say in such a decision?

Jlawson118

balletshoes wrote: »

I don't think you have a problem with this particular relationship you're in now. Your girlfriend is clearly not a strict follower of her religion, and its her opinion which matters, not her families.

Well I definitely agree there, that it is her choice, although I wouldn't want to be in the way of her relationship with her family either. I wouldn't want to be responsible if she chose me over them, I'd rather her be equal to us all if it came to that.

And I'll just add that she isn't my girlfriend..yet

Jlawson118

theoretica wrote: »

It sounds like your family is important to you - it isn't to everyone. I balk rather at the way you phrase this too - you might be an extremely good exchange for some families, surely the woman would have a major say in such a decision?

Well she would have a say of course, but then I feel if her family disowned her, then I would be unhappy throughout the remainder of our relationship/lives even, thinking that it was all my fault that they treat her like that.

My last relationship was based around my ex girlfriend having a very manipulative family and they bullied her a lot, but she often stuck by them and left me out, and to me that made me feel absolutely worthless. I gave her everything I had but she always went back to her abusive family, when all I wanted was for her to actually stand up for herself and treat myself and her family equally. That's all I would ever give to anybody, and as a matter of fact, is just what I gave to her. And you're right in saying that family is important to me, but she ditched me for her family but tried to turn me against my own..

So say this girl now did choose me over her family, I know how their parents would be feeling thinking I'm always first best to her, and these are the people who've raised her opposed to a guy she's known just over a year and only been speaking to for the last few months..

Yeah it would be wrong for her parents to disown her for her choices if we do advance forwards, but I would always feel this guilt I guess

balletshoes

Jlawson118 wrote: »

So say this girl now did choose me over her family, I know how their parents would be feeling thinking I'm always first best to her, and these are the people who've raised her opposed to a guy she's known just over a year and only been speaking to for the last few months..

thats not a religion-based situation though. Any set of parents could think that - its not to say that we all will!

Jlawson118

balletshoes wrote: »

thats not a religion-based situation though. Any set of parents could think that - its not to say that we all will!

Yeah you're right, but I mean if they disown her due to religious reasons

Fireflyaway

I think it depends on how practising the person is for a start. The girl you speak of obviously is not very practicing. I don't mean that in a judgemental way, but as a Muslim, dating is forbidden. Having blue hair is questionable and its certainly not allowed for a Muslim woman to marry a non Muslim man. If she were practicing she wouldn't date you ( or anyone else) to begin with! The two of you might work out but there is the possibility her family might not accept the relationship and that could be really hard and lead to all sorts of problems. Would you want that for her?
I personally feel uncomfortable when people speak of 'converting' religion in order to marry someone. Muslims believe God is all seeing and all knowing. He would know if you were just saying the words and going along with certain rituals. You have to really believe the teachings of Islam yourself. It has to be in your heart. Anyone can say a few words and stop / start doing certain stuff but that doesn't make them a Christian/ Jew / Muslim etc.
Sounds harsh but think about how important her religion is to her. Is she Muslim more in name than conduct? By the way its considered a terrible sin for a Muslim to say they are not Muslim anymore, so many Muslims who may have been brought up Muslim but not really be that fussed, or maybe even doubt their beliefs or not even practice at all, will still not dare say they are not Muslim. I'd say its worth having a chat with her but accept it might be more hassle than its worth in the long term.

Primrose

I've known of one or two inter-religious marriages. There will always be problems but they have a better chance of working where neither party is too dogmatic about their religion, and often, dare I say it, where both parties are more Westernised and liberal in their views. Marrying a Muslim for example can be far more problematic than marrying into other Asian religions because there rarely seems any room for compromise and family influence is particularly strong.

My advice would be talk a great deal about where you both stand on this before attempting to decide whether it is feasible to take your relationship further, and also check out where parents and family are likely to stand. Of course you can both go unilateral but a lifetime of one or both parties being estranged from families as a result of marrying against opposition will put severe strains on your relationship however close you are, especially if children come along. In the first thoes of love it can be easy to think "love conquers all" and it can do if it is strong enough, but every couple will suffer personal crises at some point in a marriage and dealing with them without the support of family can be especially difficult.