is manageable debt ok?

itchyfeet123

Whether a given amount if debt is "ok" or not is a completely subjective question. If you're ok with your debt, *and* it's not causing any other problems -- like, say, conflict in your marriage -- then maybe it's ok.

But is ok really all you want? I understand not wanting to give up all of life's pleasures. One thing to think about, though, is that if you're paying interest then every treat now is a better treat your future self can't have. Getting takeaway a couple of times a month because you're too tired to cook puts the special occasion dinner in the fancy restaurant further out of reach. A week on the beach this year pushes your once in a lifetime trip further and further away.

There's a balance to be found that's different for everyone, but I think a lot of people who decide they don't want to miss out on stuff now don't realize that they will probably miss out on stuff in the future as a result.

MrsTinks

I think you are missing a point

The debt is causing your wife stress - therefor it's a problem

Live a little less comfortably and over pay the debts - soon it will be gone and your wife will have far less stress

EssexHebridean

bezza59 wrote: »

I am not trying to be right. We are paying it back at a compromised rate. I admit that I would have been ok to pay it off a little slower. My wife wanted to pay it off more quickly so we met somewhere in the middle! I am not dismissing her feelings, I just don't want her to spend the next couple of years worrying unnecessarily and missing out on life due to a fixable amount of debt. Not everyone has to agree with me, but those are my thoughts.

Oddly enough I have just seen that Mrs Tinks has already pretty much said what I was thinking - not an unusual situation, that!

Bottom line is - if she is worried, then that's a problem. You can't stop her being worried by not wanting her to be, or by finding 25 people to queue up and say "Nah - being in debt is fine, not a problem!" - she's worried, and she's stressed, and that is not going to do either of you, OR your family any favours.

Well done for looking to tackle it - but I do think you need between you to get to grips with what can be done to ease your wife's concerns. I absolutely get where she's coming from - when you owe money (for anything) there is always that underlying "what if" fear - what if one of you loses your job, what if BOTH of you lose your jobs? What if one of you falls ill and can't earn for a while, or perhaps can't earn again full stop? All of those things are absolutely game changers - life changers - in any circumstance, but if you owe a great chunk of money then suddenly that is a whole different ball game.

Something you could do is to do some sums - and some scenarios. So work out a couple of small luxuries that you can agree to cut out for a while, and see what affect that would have on your debt repayments and DFD. Do the same thing again but with a couple of slightly bigger things. Once you've got those under your belt, then time to sit down together with a copy of your budget and discuss what further compromise you can come to that will work for both of you - ease her stress without making you feel hard done by. It's great saying you still want to have holidays etc, but if your OH is sitting there while ON holiday feeling guilty about it - who is the holiday REALLY for?

ManicRower

bezza59 wrote: »

Hi,
We actually have about £13k saved in an ISA. We made the decision not to touch this. It was initially meant for Children's university costs. It is money that we inherited some years ago from a great uncle of mine. of course, it wouldn't cover our debts at the moment, however it would cover our mortgage for around 20 months if the worst did happen. For now, that is a good enough buffer for me.

Ok so hands up, I am pretty risk-adverse. I'm very much the sort of person that if I was in debt (whether it be £500, £5000 or £50,000) I would eat rice, drink water and cancel pretty much all unnecessary social plans until the debt was paid. I understand that we are all different and you have a different mentality which is fair enough. My wife and I are fortunate enough to earn circa six figures between us, and even on that income we would not be able to handle the level of debt you have.


In your position I wouldn't even be classing the £13k as 'savings'. If they are meant for your children's education then I personally would already treat this money as 'spent' and be trying to build up a savings pot of my own, perhaps you already have your own on top of the £13k? I'm not sure me (or my wife for that matter) would be particularly proud of ourselves if we had to spend that money because something unexpected (job loss, illness, etc) happened and that £13k couldn't actually go towards our child's education.


People on this forum often talk about a 'Lightbulb Moment' (LBM), i.e. when they realized the debts they have accrued are unmanageable, outside of their risk appetite or in some cases they are perfectly manageable, but the person is just fed up of seeing a portion of their money go towards paying off debt! Perhaps your wife has had this 'LBM' after seeing your debt figures in black and white, whereas yours has not yet happened? That could be why she is feeling particularly stressed whereas you are more relaxed.


I sincerely wish you the best of luck with clearing your debt, it's a different approach to the one I'd take but I hope you and your wife find a solution that keeps both of you happy

Grumpelstiltskin

Holly I hope you have asked MSE permission to post if not your posts will be removed.

EssexHebridean

I've reported her post - the forum team can make a judgement on it.

Regardless - this dragging up of old threads to page 1 is annoying, and means that people currently needing help may get missed.

sourcrates

Just hit the spam button, if they want to advertise, they should first seek permission to do so like everyone else.

EssexHebridean

Good on the team for being quick to remove her posts! :T

Sourcrates I'm never sure whether to go Spam or report in those circumstances, hence putting in the report but just on a single post.

FBaby

Your issue is that you see the glass half full, she sees half empty. You don't see the need to worry about something that is not causing you problems in your every day life, she is stressing in case circumstances outside of your control put you in a dreadful situation.

In all likelihood, you will repay your debts over the 6 years, and you'll be able to show to her that she was worrying for nothing and that at least during that time, you're still able to enjoy a pleasant lifestyle, so win/win situation.

BUT, the same could happen to one of my friends. They were both earning a good salary, £40k ish. They had secured jobs in the public sector and because of their respective experience and length of employment, little chance of being made redundant and even if they did, they would get good pay out and a good chance of finding another job. They lived the life and wracked up a lot of debts.

Until one day, my friend was called in by her manager out of the blue. It came out that she made a silly mistake, one that everyone could have made, one that didn't lead to any trouble, but could very much have done, one error that was later on used as an example for training. She tried to defend herself, even evidenced that senior people had made similar errors, but this happened during a time of a particular political agenda and even though she was well liked and respected, she got dismissed with only one month pay.

She had no redundancy, and although her manager said she would do a reference, most applications to similar employers required her to disclosed her disciplinary and of course she had no interviews. She applied for non skill jobs, but got no interview because employers knew it would only be temporary until she found a better paid job and she didn't have the skills to start at a higher level job in other industry.

She went from having it all to having nothing, and unfortunately, even though they could have just about managed to make do on his income, with the debt, it wasn't possible and she had no other choice in the end to go bankrupt. The stress of it all almost cost her marriage too.

A drastic experience, but one that many positive minded people think it could never happen to them.

SeekingRedemption

I admire your laid-back attitude OP. If you're paying £6-700 per month off the debt, and you don't have a compulsion to overspend / expensive tastes, then chances are you'll be debt free in a few years. I'm more like your wife though - I'd be fretting about the SIZE of the debt, and worrying about what would happen if life chose to throw a spanner in the works. Chances are it won't though, and chances are it's better for your health if you don't worry too much! All the best.