My ex girlfriend is still manipulating me?

shiny76

Cut all contact.

Whilst it's a 'nice' thought to remain friends, you need to cut contact to be able to move on. It'll probably do you both good!

-taff

Thomas_The_Tank_Top wrote: »

Put your foot down with a firm hand.

:rotfl:
Have't heard that for a while .....

OP, sometimes you just can't help people. Take care of yourself first. It's nice to be worred about someone, but not when it starts making you ill as well.

Robisere

I am 72 soon, but I remember very well the same situation in my life when I was even younger than you, at 18. I soon knew that the girl was seeing someone else whilst I was away in the Army. I knew that she was manipulating me, but I would not admit it to myself until the weekend before I was due to be posted abroad. She met me at her door and gave me back the ring I had given her. I learned from my brother by letter, that she was actually pregnant by another man, older than me by almost 12 years.

The reason I tell you this is that I do remember it, because I hung on far too long and it coloured my relationships for a few years. I knew deep inside that she was no good for me, or indeed, anyone else: she has been married and divorced twice, her two daughters (by two different men) and her parents stopped all contact with her.

Do not let this person affect you in the same way, any longer: she would probably be secretly thrilled if she thinks you are pining for her. Get out and get on with your life, you have a lot of living to do. There will be someone you deserve waiting to meet you, but that won't happen if you mope around thinking about someone who obviously does not care for you.

Jlawson118

Pollycat wrote: »

Cake and eat it.
She doesn't want you but doesn't want anybody else to have you either.

Does she still live with you?

BTW, you don't need a question mark at the end of your thread title - yes, she is still manipulating you.

She moved out a few weeks ago which I thought might knock some sense into her but instead it made her worse..

Jlawson118

Robisere wrote: »

I am 72 soon, but I remember very well the same situation in my life when I was even younger than you, at 18. I soon knew that the girl was seeing someone else whilst I was away in the Army. I knew that she was manipulating me, but I would not admit it to myself until the weekend before I was due to be posted abroad. She met me at her door and gave me back the ring I had given her. I learned from my brother by letter, that she was actually pregnant by another man, older than me by almost 12 years.

The reason I tell you this is that I do remember it, because I hung on far too long and it coloured my relationships for a few years. I knew deep inside that she was no good for me, or indeed, anyone else: she has been married and divorced twice, her two daughters (by two different men) and her parents stopped all contact with her.

Do not let this person affect you in the same way, any longer: she would probably be secretly thrilled if she thinks you are pining for her. Get out and get on with your life, you have a lot of living to do. There will be someone you deserve waiting to meet you, but that won't happen if you mope around thinking about someone who obviously does not care for you.

Oh wow, I hope you found true happiness after that too!

The thing for me is that I think in the middle of our relationship that I felt that we weren't meant to be. But I held on more and more hoping things would get better, but they didn't and I am glad we both agreed to call it quits last month. Though you're right in saying that this will affect my relationships elsewhere, I mean another girl in my class has started taking an interest in me and some days I'm flirting back with her, and others I kind of just back away from her, scared of getting hurt again.

I don't know what my feelings are towards this other girl yet, but I am scared of leading her on and hurting her in return. We're getting closer and I will tell her about my past eventually in a hope that she'll understand.

This happened to a friend of mine who got badly hurt by a girl, and he started seeing some other girl for a while but then got official with another girl and that didn't work out and he ruined the friendship with the girl he was seeing, who he seemed ideal with, I could see it but he couldn't. I just don't want that.

Time will tell I guess!

PeacefulWaters

If you're being manipulated cut all contact. Don't answer call. Don't respond to messages.

It took me 20 years to work it out.

FBaby

Jlawson118 wrote: »

She moved out a few weeks ago which I thought might knocked some sense into her but instead it made her worse..

This made me smile. Her statement would probably go 'I moved out of few weeks ago and it knock some sense out of me and I realise how much better it made me'

She wasn't happy, you were not happy, you've learnt about yourself and relationship that wil help you with your next one, so did she. That's all there is to conclude.

Fireflyaway

I would stop contacting her and don't respond if she contacts you. She seems to be using you to a degree and that's not the behaviour of a friend. She might be unstable, but you are not her carer and she is an adult. In fact always being there to pick up the pieces might prevent her from becoming independent in sorting out her issues.
I don't think there is anything to be gained by remaining friends. Do I remember she is from Bulgaria? Will she be returning one day anyway? It seems its causing you a lot of stress for no reason. You broke up and need to stop blurring the boundaries for both your sakes.

Pop_Up_Pirate

Jlawson118 wrote: »

We're both 20, met at university and we were together for around a year and a half.

My step-dad warned me quite early on that she seemed really controlling, but me being madly in love with her, just ignored this, although really early on into the relationship she ended up moving in with me and my family as the room she was renting was terribly unsafe, and this was when I started to realise he was right.

Her mood just changed over time, she became so angry, always wanted things her own way. Although I also saw the cause of this, and that was her abusive mother. Her mother used to abuse her daughter and her husband and they just used to bow down to her commands. She was horrible. Over the summer, she forced my girlfriend to work 16 hour days without food or breaks and was also just bullying her, such as stealing money from her and blackmailing her as well as saying horrible things about my family whom she's never met.
I tried to convince her to come back home with me but she was blinded by her mother's manipulative tactics. Although at the end of the Summer, she did come back, and she came back this completely different girl. She became so lazy, even more angry and just hid away in the bedroom playing games or watching movies all day long. I tried to stick by her because I could see she was depressed, but she could never turn around and blame her mother.

The more this went on, the more I was depressed too. I ended up going to the doctors and he put me on anti-depressants. But me being as stubborn as I am, I took one and didn't take anymore. I did know the cause of the depression and it was her, but obviously when you care about somebody so much, you don't want to let them go. I know there'll be mixed points raised here, some who've been through this understanding, and others who haven't perhaps saying I should have got out of there a long time ago, but it wasn't as easy as that.

Anyway, a few days after new years day this year, we had a discussion and I told her things weren't really working out. And a few days after that she admitted to me she's felt the same, and we agreed that the only thing stopping both of us from breaking up with the other was that we were scared of losing one another, she didn't want to lose me after everything I've done to help her, and for me, I didn't want to really lose a friend. We agreed to go on a break.

I'll admit that we were kind of friends with benefits for a week or two but then she came home from work one night and pretty much didn't want much to do with me, though she was messaging some guy from her work whom I had a feeling she was interested in for the previous weeks as she was talking more and more about him. Though I told her after that, that perhaps it would be better if she moved out then (that way she can move on and talk to whoever she likes without it bothering me) and so she did.

The past few weeks I've been stressed with a few things, and I've kind of just kept myself to myself. But she's been forcefully trying to get me to hang out with her and I simply just haven't had the time. I called in at hers last Friday and could tell she didn't want me to leave because I know she's lonely, but I had somewhere to be. Then yesterday I was ill and wanted to stay inside and she was pressuring me to come get lunch with her, and she was annoyed at me not wanting to! Then got annoyed at me talking to some other girl in our class.

She's openly moving on with this guy from work! And I can't even talk to another girl without her going off in a strop? I'm worried about her, I really am. I don't think she's well mentally at all. She's pushing the wrong person out of her life. And I know it's her own fault for doing so but I don't think she knows what she's doing, and she hasn't since she she was working for her mother!

I don't want to lose her as a friend even though I bet that'll be the easier option. I'm just worried for her safety because she's really unstable. I think she has see nher mum behaving like this and she may deem this as normal behaviour...any advice?

Walk away and let her go. You can't be friends with her.

You are far too young to have to deal with this kind of nonsense.

marisco_2

That you still see her as a friend speaks volumes about how much this woman has damaged your self esteem. My advice is step right back and get on with your life freely and happily. She needs to see for herself that the way she conducts herself and treats people is not healthy.