Do I need to start being tight and stop being generous ?

frogga

It's in my nature to be really generous , to a fault actually. It's almost like "showing off" I guess.

If the school ask for a cake , I always make 5! Mr Frog says I like the praise and it's true , I really love it when it pleases people.

Every year at Harvest Festival I make a bread roll in the shape of a mouse or hedgehog for all the children in the school. There are 104 of them and I usually make enough for the teachers too. My tadpoles are thrilled as everyone always says "oh you Mum's great" and I love that bit too.

The obvious problem is I really CANT afford to keep doing things like this. Have I got to just bite the bullet and start being tight? It's going to really hurt me , what do you all think?

The harvest festival is in two weeks. Another one I just thought of, My Mum is visiting my old Gran on Thursday. I always send up some flowers and a home made cake. The flowers will only be a couple of quid and the cake wont cost me much to make , but it's all money I haven't got.

Be honest it's OK I can take it xx

kazmeister

Hi,

I think if you cant afford it then you have to say no. I know in a way what it feels like. A very dear friend of mine who I used to work with moved away and I now rarely see her. She always send money for my children at Christmas and flowers or chox for my birthday. Her birthday is in January and this year I really could not afford the Interflora that I usually sent (around £40). I felt so guilty but I really had no way to pay for them so I had to just send a note in her card. I still feel bad about it but I had no alternative and if you cant afford it then you have to say no. Or you could say yes by finding a cheaper alternative. No one will think bad of you for being honest, I'm sure if my friend has really known I couldnt afford the flowers she wouldnt have wanted them.

frogga

Saying "No" ? ooooo that's a new one on me ! How do you do it?:rotfl:

ceridwen

frogga wrote: »

It's in my nature to be really generous , to a fault actually. It's almost like "showing off" I guess.

If the school ask for a cake , I always make 5! Mr Frog says I like the praise and it's true , I really love it when it pleases people.

Every year at Harvest Festival I make a bread roll in the shape of a mouse or hedgehog for all the children in the school. There are 104 of them and I usually make enough for the teachers too. My tadpoles are thrilled as everyone always says "oh you Mum's great" and I love that bit too.

The obvious problem is I really CANT afford to keep doing things like this. Have I got to just bite the bullet and start being tight? It's going to really hurt me , what do you all think?

The harvest festival is in two weeks. Another one I just thought of, My Mum is visiting my old Gran on Thursday. I always send up some flowers and a home made cake. The flowers will only be a couple of quid and the cake wont cost me much to make , but it's all money I haven't got.

Be honest it's OK I can take it xx

No - I dont see this as "showing off". Dont put yourself down - its nice to be generous and why not feel better about yourself for being so?

Its sad if your finances are "putting a brake" on generosity. Hopefully - this will only be temporary. Having said that - is there a way you can still show generosity and concern without paying out money? Often there are non-financial ways of being generous - usually involving giving time, instead of giving money. I am wondering if you could talk with a friendly teacher and explain your dilemma and ask for their suggestions as to how you can gift time instead of money.

wendym

frogga wrote: »

Every year at Harvest Festival I make a bread roll in the shape of a mouse or hedgehog for all the children in the school. There are 104 of them and I usually make enough for the teachers too. .

Not that this helps, but that is one of the most irresistibly lovely things I have ever heard of!

Perhaps you could cut back on the more expensive kindnesses, and keep the Harvest Festival rolls? I think it might make you really sad to hear even one child ask where they were this year.

ceridwen

One other thought that has just struck me...as a way you could give without costing money. You would be surprised (well - okay - maybe you wouldnt) at how few people are whats called "good listeners". "Good listening" is, it seems, a rare skill. How many conversations do you overhear where both people are almost trying to talk at once - they often cant even wait for the first person to finish what they are saying before they are straight in with what THEY want to say - they havent actually been listening with full attention to the first person. Most conversations seem to be like that in fact.... and its very disheartening trying to hold a conversation on that basis. Being a good listener - carefully hearing out what someone is saying to you and giving a thoughtful response back that indicates you really were listening and not just biding your time waiting for a chance to say what you wanted to is invaluable.

I would imagine if you are a generous giver of money - then there is a good chance that you are also a good listener to other people. In which case - all the more reason not to put yourself down - as theres not nearly enough people like that.

Ticklemouse

Do you mean you make 100+ shaped bread rolls for the kids/teachers!! Wow

If you still wanted to do something on the same note, could you perhaps bake a couple of larger loaves - they could be sliced at school for people or at least used as a centrepiece?

Poet_2

it's horrible but you have to do it. I used to enjoy spoiling my new niece rotten with toys and clothes (she's only 11 months old) but I;ve recently given up work due to ill health and can;t do it any more. We just keep a wary out for cheap treats now and of course we shower her with love, which is free!

Maybe you could hold a class and show the kids how to make their own hedgehog shaped buns? Bet they'd get more out of that than just being given a bread roll, as lovely a gesture as that was.

xxx

annie-c

Being generous obviously brings you a great dal of pleasure as well as bringing others pleasure. Maybe you could just scale things down and be a bit more creative so you don't lose out?

There is absolutely no shame in needing to cut back... as others have said, gifts of time and a listening ear are hugely valuable and cost little! Maybe you could visit your gran instead of sening gifts... or send a homemmade card including a photo/drawings of the kids. Maybe you could do one special lrge hedgehog loaf for the class to share (we used to have a big 'harvest loaf' in Sunday school when I was little whih was in the shape of a wheatsheaf or somethig and everyone got a little taster piece). Deinitely send one cake, not 5!!! Just use your artistic flair and it will be fab anyway!

frogga

Thanks for all the lovely responses , but now I really do want to make them again!!!:rotfl: You're right wendym I would be devastated if the children ask for them. It has become a bit of a school tradition!

This is tadpoles last year at primary school so I wont ever have to do it again. The practicalities of it are : 120 ish bread rolls will be fairly pricey to make , I bake them in my friends oven as she has a huge oven and it gets done quicker. She is about 30 miles away so it will cost in petrol and then I always make her something to say thanks! Then I go back later to pick them up................ Oh it just gets silly doesn't it?

I think I am a good listoner , I hope so. I seem to have lots of pals who come round for a chat so I think I am.

I guess it's my own stupid fault for starting it all really. I just think as it's tadpoles last year it's tempting to do it one more time..........................:rotfl:

jcr16

No way are u showing off. your good at something and u know it put's a smile on someones face. how on earth is that showing off. it a wonderful quality. u like to see people happy. and u do it in a way your good at.

Saying no will be hard.But If needs must , then do so.

But u can still make cake's and bread but maybe make simpler thing's. or find other ways to cut back so u can still give as u do. If that makes sence.