Married but living apart?

dk5294

After 6 months of really trying to live together myself and my husband have decided it's best we stop, before something ends badly, namely our marriage.

He's currently in the process of trying to buy a house and still lives in my house with me, albeit in separate rooms. We barely even share a meal together anymore as we just nip at each other, but neither of us can even lie and say we aren't gutted. My husband worked away for most of our relationship and he moved back home to work 8 months ago. The novelty soon wore off and I realised quickly he wasn't the person I thought. He isn't cruel or nasty, he's just an oversized child and I don't want that. He's also quite selfish.

So we are going to see how we go living apart and if it doesn't work out, we'll get divorced (standard in Scotland). It's strange though because I think if we have our own homes and are independent we will be fine.

We don't claim benefits, we both work, there's no children (although I have a daughter) to fight over.

Anyone else tried this? Does it work?

System

Will it be a marriage on paper only? Will you still do things together?

My school friend is still married and lives separately from her husband. They do things together though, neither of them wanting to divorce. He is a recovering alcoholic who drank away the rent money my friend gave him to pay the rent with. She will never trust him financially again but hasnt given up on her marriage.

Aced2016

I think you sound more like friends than a married couple to be honest !

But I suppose everyone is different and if it works for you why not. I don't see your plan as a marriage but more a companion possibly.

I just think you don't want to say it out loud! You can only try it might work great for you and if not hopefully you can part as friends.

elsien

Helena Bonham-Carter and Tim Burton managed it for 13 years. Although I think they had adjoining houses.

Aced2016

And have you not got a baby boy ? I thought I seen your thread the other night ??

If so is that not possibly putting strain on you both ?

Zeni

Echo aced, didn't you post about a 1 month odd boy recently? i remember the thread that he wouldn't what anything else for brekkie?

Anyway, You've got to do whats right for you. Some people might think its bit odd but if it works for you then good luck to you.

Hermia

My uncle and aunt have been married for 30+ years and have never lived together. They live around the corner from each other. Neither of them are suited to sharing a house at all (they are both eccentric introverts). They are really happy and spend most of their time together.

iammumtoone

I am not sure if this will work retrospectively ie you originally went into a 'standard' (if there is such a thing) marriage now want to make it unusual.

If from the beginning you both said you never wanted to live together but remain a couple and commit via getting married I think it would work fine.

However as others have said you don't know until you try, you have nothing to lose.

bbarroso

Where there are no children is easy.
I am going trough something similar so can only show my sentiments. Have you guys considered counselling? If neither is cheating or being a nasty person, there still may be a way round it...

*max*

It does work for some. But you don't even seem to like each other very much from what you're written, so are you just hanging on to this for the sake of it?

Gigervamp

dk5294 wrote: »

We don't claim benefits, we both work, there's no children (although I have a daughter) to fight over.

Anyone else tried this? Does it work?

Eh? But in this thread, you say you have a son who's nearly a year old. :huh: