Married but living apart?

pearl123

Gigervamp wrote: »

Eh? But in this thread, you say you have a son who's nearly a year old. :huh:

Well spotted Gigervamp.
This must be a first. The poster does not know how many children she has. :rotfl:

Quote. "there's no children (although I have a daughter" "My wee boy will be 1 in a month".

spirit

pearl123 wrote: »

Well spotted Gigervamp.
This must be a first. The poster does not know how many children she has. :rotfl:

Quote. "there's no children (although I have a daughter" "My wee boy will be 1 in a month".

Nor did Karen Matthews seemingly (Shannon Matthews mother) On Moorside last week, she couldn't remember if she had 5 or 6 I think.

usernameisvalid

spirit wrote: »

Nor did Karen Matthews seemingly (Shannon Matthews mother) On Moorside last week, she couldn't remember if she had 5 or 6 I think.

That was so sad. Really shook me up that did

ripplyuk

My partner and I have separate houses. It works great for us. We spend a lot of time together, probably more time actually doing stuff together than most other couples I know. We've been together for 14 years now. I know if we ever had to live together, it would break us up.

However, you still have to like each other. Your OP sounds like you don't get on well together.

dk5294

You are correct. I do have a soon to be 1 year old son (which I did include, for what it's worth) however that's a rather difficult subject as he's not my husbands either. I guess it may be putting a strain on things but my husband chose to come home to work and raise them together. Something he's made clear is he still wants to be in their lives, but he can walk away at any given time.

I think that we work, when we don't have to face each other every day. Tonight for instance I was helping my daughter with home work and she got something wrong and I sighed (I know, not the best move) and he started ranting about putting her down. I don't know what else to do.

I miss who we were before he came home to live.


***I will add, my husband left me for a year, I met someone and became pregnant. The relationship ended as I wouldn't terminate the pregnancy. My husband decided he wanted to fix our marriage when I was in my final trimester and help raise my children**

fairy_lights

dk5294 wrote: »

my husband chose to come home to work and raise them together. Something he's made clear is he still wants to be in their lives, but he can walk away at any given time.

I think this information changes the scenario considerably.
For a childless couple, or a couple with older children, living apart might be a workable arrangement but with 2 small children it's going to make your lives very difficult emotionally and practically.
I don't think it's fair for him to decide to be in their lives if he still wants the option of walking away at any time - you can't have your cake and eat it when it comes to the emotional wellbeing of tiny children! He's either in or he's out.

iammumtoone

dk5294 wrote: »

Tonight for instance I was helping my daughter with home work and she got something wrong and I sighed (I know, not the best move) and he started ranting about putting her down.

What do you mean by ranting? proper ranting and making a scene or just voicing an opinion that its not right to put her down (not that he should have done either in front of her). Would you have felt the same way about his interference if he was her birth father?

To find a man who on the face of things seems to care for the children as if they were his own is not something to be thrown away lightly. Whereas you come across as if you feel he shouldn't have so much to do with them as they are not his.

Have you thought about counseling?

iammumtoone

dk5294 wrote: »

Something he's made clear is he still wants to be in their lives, but he can walk away at any given time.

fairy_lights wrote: »

I don't think it's fair for him to decide to be in their lives if he still wants the option of walking away at any time - you can't have your cake and eat it when it comes to the emotional wellbeing of tiny children! He's either in or he's out.

I read it as if the husband doesn't want to walk away from the children its the OP that's saying he can if he wishes. Not very nice for the husband as he wont have any legal rights, OP holds all the cards on how involved they want him to be.

dk5294

He started telling me I was putting her down and voicing my frustration. I sighed because I didn't understand her thinking, I admitted I was wrong, but she seemed to be more upset that we were bickering again.

I 100% allow him to parent as I would a biological father. We raise them together, we usually stand united and support each other, not tear each other down. When he left it was one of the most devastating things I've ever experienced and I don't want to go through that again, put my children through that for us to realise that we want to be together.

I genuinely love my husband and want our marriage to work, if I didn't I'd throw in the towel, not suggest living apart.

We never discussed him leaving his old job to work at home, we never discussed having a conventional marriage. From day 1 of our relationship we made it clear that living together every day was something that wouldn't happen as he went away on a 2 on 2 off rotation.

Then baby was born and he didn't want to miss out on him and now we're here.


Sorry for rambling. I have no one to discuss this with. My friends think we're mad and this sort of arrangement isn't for 'normal people'. Supposedly we're the fricking Brady bunch to them. Yet I don't remember them having illegitimate children to men other than their husband.

dk5294

I would never stop him seeing the children. They aren't toys and he has a relationship with them that I don't dictate. They are his children as long as he wishes them to be. I've had one man walk away when their child was barely conceived though so maybe I'm a little sceptical about how long someone will stick around when they don't have to.