Starting again at 27!

Jacko_amz

Well today has been another NSD pleased about that!

Got home a little earlier today and due to the high wind two fence panels have come down, these two panels come down all the time when weather is bad. Its next doors fence side but seems shes not keen on replacing it.

Oh well i move out Tuesday so it's not my problem haha!

Been doing well this week with taking my own lunch, i had pasta bake tonight so I can have some of that for tomorrows lunch.

Its payday tomorrow, unfortunately not much will go on CC debt as i need to make sure all bills etc are sorted for new house and also paying the energy bill for the old house. Really looking forward to next week now as I just want to move! then i can truly start moving on from ex, at the moment were still having to contact each other to do with the house so its hard

Really can't wait to be debt free though, or at least to a smaller amount of debt. My goal is to start saving for my own mortgage i am fed up of renting now its just wasted money. Oh well all that to come!

dottydebts

Good luck with your move! I hope it all goes well

angelpye

Hi, good luck with the move...new beginnings! Just wanted to say that an ending is a loss even if its positive so a whole cycle of emotions will naturally happen.

I know you probably know this but when a relationship ends we don't just loose what we had but what we dreamed of in the future with that person. When someone is abusive they often take up more headspace etc and if controlling (which is usually the root cause of abuse) then their presence is heavily felt, even subconsciously, most of the time whether at home or work etc...an relationship like this ending often leaves the feeling of a bigger gap than a healthy relationship ending because of how dominating they were.

It takes time to get used to this gap and to process how unhealthy that presence was but it will happen. I know this due to both personal and professional experience. My motto is its better to be alone than to feel lonely with someone beside you.

The affects of domestic abuse on children can be longstanding and if you look at research like Every Child Matters it can affect every part of their life even after they no longer live in the situation. Sadly both personal and professional experience in this too. So I know you are keen to have children, but you have plenty of time and having them in a loving, abuse free relationship will be so much kinder to yourself and your future children. Having them debt free and possibly in a home you own will be all the sweeter.

It's time to take care of you, like you said a bit of personal growth - find out who you are now and what you want. You can do this

Jacko_amz

Hi Angelpye


Thank you so much for your response.


I have my good and bad days on when i miss him, but then i think about the cruel things he used to say to me or the physical things he has done and that soon goes away. Apart of me will always love him and like you've said its also about the dreams I had of us growing old together etc.


I too am a professional (youth nurse) and i have seen a lot of children with longstanding mental health problems because of being around DV.


A x

Jacko_amz

Today has been a BIG spend day - but in a good way.


Went into town this morning to pay my first months rent and deposit on the new place so that's all sorted. That is the last time the CC is getting used also.


I also got my mums mothers day present too so atleast that's done and sorted. I did treat myself to Fearne Cottons new book Happy - I've been wanting it for a while so as it was payday yesterday treated my self.


Took the dog down the beach aswell for a nice long walk, I feel sorry for him mon-fri as I work fulltime so hes left for quite some time on his own, so at weekends I take him to the beach/woods instead of normal road walk.


Well it's going to be a quiet weekend for me, just chilling out and sorting the last of my stuff until the move on Tuesday.


Have a great weekend everyone

Jacko_amz

Well i am all moved in! doesn't feel like home yet but i am sure it will start to soon.

My spending has been a little out of control, i think its because it makes me feel good and distracts me from the emptiness in my life at the moment.

I have set up to pay off 200 pm of my CC which is currently just under 2.5k which is good.

I suppose the good news is that i don't need to buy much more for my new home, Its more decorative pieces to make it feel more cosy but i can get bits each month.

Happy Saturday everyone

angelpye

Hi, Happy New Home!

I am glad my post was read as supportive - never know how something reads.

Wild spending due to emotions is something I used to do but more due to budget than control this has stopped. I do have availability on CCs so should give myself some credit for not doing it.

Do you craft at all? Its a great way of filling time and keeping busy plus making home feel cosy cheaply but with more meaning. I watch endless youtube videos when I want to learn a new skill to make something similar to what I have seen on Pintrest etc. I have also done a few cheap classes at the local college and with local people to learn new skills.

The missing him will get less as you fill your life with more positive things to do and people. I like your signature...really good motivation. Having a dog must be lovely for company and motivation to get out over the weekend. Keep going, you have got this!

angelpye

Ps. I subscribed to your diary and look forward to waving poms poms along your journey

Jacko_amz

Thanks Angelpye - having a dog definitely is good for company, don't know what i would do if he wasn't here!

Had a bit of a meltdown earlier, just felt so tearful and lonely

I have reached out to a couple of friends I lost touch with and hopefully meeting up with them in the next couple of weeks so that'll be nice. I am not really in to crafts as i am not very creative. I do like baking though so may find some nice cake recipes to try out

angelpye

Sorry you have had a bad time of it today but you know its just part of the process - although knowing that doesn't help in the moment. Great idea to make contact with old friends, something to hopefully look forward to!

Baking sounds like a great way to spend some time! And maybe investigate hobbies where you might meet new people? I am happy to go to the cinema on my own and even travel or out for dinner... this took some time but I just got to a point where I thought I will be damned if I am going to miss out on things I enjoy just because I am single. I notice when I go to the cinema on the cheap night we have here there are loads of people on their own so others must have the same mindset too - which makes me feel even more inclined to fly solo for these things.