£67,031.92 is a frightening number indeed....

Onebrokelady

If your into planning a capsule wardrobe check out Project 333 by Courtney Carver, it's a really good way of organising and streamlining your wardrobe 😊

Treadingonplaymobil

Wow, the self employment support money is in, just like that. I am slightly gobsmacked how easy it was to access the support TBH. I have been incredibly sensible and assigned the vast vast majority of it to giving myself back four solid months' buffer in my business account. Then I've added a few quid to each of my longer term savings pots (emergency fund, house deposit, birthdays and christmas etc) and left a couple of hundred quid in a "**** it fund" savings pot. Not sure what that will be used for, but it won't be just frittered away. It might get used on a bigger bike for DC3 later in the year, or go towards a holiday when such things are finally allowed, or buying something for wherever I live when I finally don't share with XH.

Gosh, I'm finding working and home education hard. XH (who had been doing 50/50 childcare while furloughed) managed it for one day last week before reverting to our standard 70/30 schedule, which is a little tiresome but also reminds me how hard it is! And TBH I could never be angry at having the DC more. But it is full on at the moment. I read every news story about delaying school opening with increasing tension - I was really hoping they would go back on 1st June, but it feels increasingly unlikely. I am considering seriously slacking off on the home education in the interests of my mental health and ability to keep earning, but I just don't know if the guilt will be worse than the stress of doing it.

It's 'half term' next week though, and our school arranged inset days so it's almost a fortnight long, and I'm determined to actually stick to it and give the DC a break, then see where we are with school starting etc after that. I'm going to fill it with baking and bike rides and walks and giant bubbles beach trips and things that are fun and will give the DCs some good memories, then reassess. XH is having them for the first chunk of it (he'd already booked the annual leave and decided to stick with it) and it's his weekend this weekend, so I've actually got almost a week away from them to try to really push it on the work front so I can relax when I have them back.

My list for the moment
1. Sort that yoga space.
2. Create a bit of a training plan for myself. I’m really enjoying lots of exercise at the moment (yoga, biking, running - slowly!) but I like to have a direction to move in, so I’m going to create myself some sort of 6 week plan. I’m also in the interesting position of being very near my ‘goal weight’ for the first time in YEARS, and still not being 100% happy with my body, so I have decided to combine an exercise plan with figuring out how to love what I’ve got (hello, post-3-children tummy), because objectively I’m not overweight or anything, and some of the ‘flaws’ in my body are just down to three children and being older than 20, not any extra weight. Something to work on. Training plan underway, but needs a little work. I like having something to aim for, even if it's a bit ambitious.
3. Chase XH to sort the finances so we can divorce. He seems to think our childcare arrangement is a moveable feast, and I want things a little more set in stone. Haven't chased this, must email him today.

4. Investigate self employment support and apply. Done! What a relief.
5. Figure out how to work at least a little bit when I have the DCs - this might mean quicker-cook meals and more screen time, but now XH and I have gone back to our ‘official’ childcare schedule (70/30) I absolutely need to achieve a little more work while I have them. Hopefully this will only be an issue for a couple more weeks as two of the DC will go back to school, but yesterday’s R number news makes me wonder if that planned date will be postponed. Discussed above. Continues to be tricky.
6. Review my budget - I feel like I could apply a little more intelligence to it, even though I’m not overspending at the moment. I know I’ve mentioned it here before, but the feeling of financial vulnerability of the separation last year was one of the most unexpectedly stressful/traumatic (strong word, but yes!) things I’ve experienced as an adult, and I want to make sure I’m setting myself up for my most stable possible future. Not done. Vulnerable feeling alleviated slightly by self employment support, but I still want to do a full budget review.

apple_muncher

If your kids were in school, they'd be preparing for sports day and end-of-year activities. It's also amazing how much time is 'lost' in getting ready to go out and play and then settling back afterwards. If you've got this far, then WELL DONE YOU!! And maybe start your half term a little early...?

Honeysucklelou2

We tell our parents that getting through to the end of each day with a smile on your face is important...just do what you can do but don’t add guilt and worry to the mix. Working from home and juggling home  schooling is hard.A lot of parents I’ve had contact with find that some days, lots  can be done and other days not so much. Children are learning all the time and though it might not be more more formal learning, they are nonetheless learning. My pre schooler’s main learning has been cooking and  has made brownies so many times now, he can go anD get the right amount of eggs and knows what to do!

Re exercise plan / goal - have you thought of C25K? That’s a 8 or 9 week plan with a goal involved.

Is your mediation on hold or possible via video link?

PurpleFairy26

Re home schooling. Firstly everyone will have an opinion none of which are right or wrong for your family. Only you know what works best for you and them and your work situation and your MH. That said I’ll give you mine 😉 we aim for 2 hours in the morning and then do ‘other stuff’ some of which are life skill type things some are not. The other stuff consists of watching programmes like primates, blue planet, operation ouch....., - good for a change of pace post lunch for an hour and allows me to catch up on some jobs if I’m not sitting with them for the full time, baking (them doing me supervising), making big houses in the garden, pulling weeds (easy in our garden as no many flowers currently 😂 ), bike rides, walks, playing.  

Upshot is, this is a once in a lifetime experience of no school for them. So don’t beat yourself up about how much or little time they are spending when you are trying to work. If you really think about it I’m sure there is more learning in there that you think. One of mine wanted to play ‘the cat is...,’ where you add a adjective to the end of the sentence and go through the alphabet on our walk the other day. We all ended up joining in, went through the alphabet 4 times! Obviously learning but they just didn’t see it that way! 

Stay safe and well. 

ladyholly

II know 2 people with school age children.   1 does an hour a day school work and then does other stuff  and the other gets her 5year old twins up and dresses them in school uniform and then does a whole school day. Neither is wrong but both are doing what suits them and their children. Keep going and just face each day as it comes.

Treadingonplaymobil

Good morning! Thanks for all the kind words on the home education front. It's so hard to know the best thing to do, but I figure as long as I'm continuing to hold everyone's needs in my mind and do the best I can, that's probably ok for now.

Took the DCs to the beach for breakfast yesterday, was lovely to get out and do something different. Fingers crossed that between half term and school starting (please let it start!), the beginning of the end of home education is in sight.

I've been thinking about money (shocker) a lot recently. XH and I still haven't sorted a final settlement, or what's happening with the house, but it's looking increasingly likely that I will walk either (a) with no debt and no equity or (b) with a share of the debt but retaining shared ownership of the house while XH lives in it (logistics to be confirmed, but probably X percentage to be repaid within, say 5 years, by either remortgage or sale of the house) - this would probably require XH and I to enter a DMP. Option (a) is the preferred one for XH and me, but depends whether he can get the mortgage and joint loan moved into his sole name. Either way, however, I will either be debt free, or have a bit of debt which I can pay down gradually, with the certainty of a lump sum coming to pay off anything remaining within X number of year (say, 5?). Either option means the debt becomes less of a daily crisis, and means I can begin to focus my financial attention on my future. And I am completely overwhelmed!

It has been so many years of scraping and scrabbling to pay the debt that I'm not really sure what my financial goals are beyond that. I'm also only just learning that actually I'm pretty good with money, and it is possible for me to set financial goals and meet them - for so long I viewed myself as the one who was terrible with money, but I am currently sitting with all my YNAB pots balanced, emergency fund accruing, four months' salary buffer in my business account, and a bit of a feeling of stability.

I am not currently saving either for retirement or for a new house deposit, and although my budget is fairly tight I imagine I could free up something for one or both (I need to have home ownership as an eventual goal, I think, even though NC will buy a house for us to live in - I want to either buy in to it or purchase a second property). But I also don't want to end up sliding back into debt because I've tightened my budget to an unrealistic level to try to make that happen. And really I need to look at upping my income as well as seeing what can be shaved off my budget. But I don't know where to start! What should one's financial priorities be? Is there a guide to how one should split one's finances in percentage terms? X% to retirement, Y% to daily living costs, Z% to long term savings?

I feel like sorting out what I'm trying to achieve will also inform what's reasonable to ask XH for as a long term maintenance figure - I spend almost everything on the DCs at the moment, and I'm not sure what's reasonable to expect him to put in, and for how long.

Basically, for the first time I need to think beyond 'argghhhhhhh debt!!!!' and figure out a bigger financial picture. Tips, ideas and advice most welcome.

My list for the moment:
1. Sort that yoga space. I have actually put this onto my paper list, which means it has some chance of happening now.
2. Training plan/accepting and loving the body I have. Training plan is underway. Not sure where to start on the post-3-babies/ageing body acceptance side of things, but there's definitely some work to do there.
3. Chase XH to sort the finances so we can divorce. He seems to think our childcare arrangement is a moveable feast, and I want things a little more set in stone. XH has a phone appointment with the mortgage company tomorrow to discuss taking it on in his name, so hopefully things will become a little clearer after that. He has also begun divorce proceedings (he is far more motivated than I am to sort that, because he wants to marry his new partner, whereas I have no particular plans to marry NC. But obviously sorting the finances goes along with the actual divorce).

4. Begin to get clearer on my longer term financial goals and how I might achieve them. Until the house/debt is assigned and sorted this is going to be tricky, but one way or another my finances will be less stressed than they were when I was with XH, and I'd like to make sure I don't let them drift without some longer term goals to work towards.

PurpleFairy26

Does XH have a pension? Assume the value of this will be taken in to account in any financial settlement if you don’t have your own pension. 

Think there are lots of views out there of how much to contribute to what and it depends on so many other factors. Age to retirement etc.... if you are under 40 (which I assume you are?! -) look at LISA despite DH having a private pension we opened one for him and gov pay 25% bonus to the pension one each month. Think there maybe a home one too but not sure if that’s still going. Also if you are on some
benefits there is a savings account which pays a significant amount from gov. Not sure of the details as I’m not eligible but also worth a look to maximise ‘free’ money even if it’s only £10 a month in there for now. 

Moneywhizz

I enjoy reading your diary but rarely comment. Just thought I could jump in on the percentage guides for longer term financial management. If you google it you will find that there is a 50/3020 split mentioned often. That is 50% to cover your essential expenses. 30% for extras, like clothing, leisure, holidays etc, and 20% for long term savings for retirement, house deposit etc. I would imagine you could take that as a rough guide and work out how your income is split just now and see how you can begin to make changes towards that split, or a split that suits your circumstances better. You are really in a transition phase right now so it might be difficult to settle anything until you know what your position is going to be. As for maintenance, again you can find advice online for this. The money advice service gives you a very good guide. It is based on your partner's salary, and how much childcare and, therefore, expenses he incurs in having the children. Again this is a guide you could use to work out your own personal situation if you are the one who buys everything for them. It may be something you could look at together so that it doesn't cause acrimony when you actually seem to be managing to keep things running very smoothly on the whole. Hope that is helpful. 

Treadingonplaymobil

Good morning lovelies! Just popping on for a quick hello as I start the week. XH has the DC until Thursday for 'half term' (remember when that meant something, other than a slight reduction in home ed pressure?!) so I'm trying to get ahead with work and enjoy a bit of downtime with NC. Had a super weekend - biking, canoeing, walking - and feeling ready to get stuck into work today. Could live without the sunburn I acquired on the canoe though.

Moneywhizz thanks for the percentage advice, that sounds like a really interesting place to start - I'm going to see what my current percentages are first (it's more or less 0% for the long term stuff, I know that!). Also, you're entirely right about this being a transition period and therefore it being difficult to make firm decisions and plans. I need to try to gently choose a 'direction' without getting too hung up on specifics right now perhaps, so I feel I'm making progress even though I can't be certain about how the final picture will look.

Purplefairy thanks for the LISA suggestion, I'll look into that.

XH (who is not technically my XH, as we're still married) began divorce proceedings last week, which felt like a positive step forward. I didn't feel I could start them as I left him and thought that was insulting enough without then divorcing him for unreasonable behaviour (which he didn't have, we just weren't in love), and was happy to wait for the two years. But also I'm happy for him to divorce me for unreasonable behaviour - bless him, he was very apologetic about the reasons, but said he had to put something.

My list for this week:
1. Continue to ruminate on my long term financial goals and the broader picture of how I'd like my finances to look, rather than getting too hung up on the minutiae, since it's all so changeable until I have a permanent financial arrangement in place with XH.
2. Re-focus on my weight/fitness again - I've gained a tiny bit again, and I definitely feel better being just that little bit lighter. I want to get back on track this week. Even with all the exercise I do, daily ice cream sundaes are not justified!
3. Really focus on work while I'm away from the DCs until Thursday, then engage fully with them when I'm back home. I don't want to feel as constantly torn in two as I have recently, and with the home ed pressure removed for a few days after I take over again, I have a chance to have some really nice days with them.
4. Catch up with my own business's work, rather than just my contract work - I know my own business has the potential to make much more money long term than my contract work, but I find it hard to motivate myself to get stuck in after doing the contract work that needs to be done.

Hope you all have a lovely day, it's beautiful here today. I'm wearing a summer dress, have finally got utterly bored of wearing plain old shorts and tshirts every day because no one is going to see me!