£67,031.92 is a frightening number indeed....

reality_check

Hey, I've just came back onto this site and reading through diaries again, now I've got plenty more time on my hands these days...!  What massive changes have happened in your life and you seem to be coping amazingly well!  I wouldn't put too much pressure on yourself with home schooling, as long as reading and exercising are part of your daily routine I think the rest will all be picked up when everyone gets back to school, all the kids are in the same situation.  I also wouldn't buy a new bike, you have one that works, the money extra you have is from a mortgage holiday which still needs to be paid back plus interest so I wouldn't be using it to treat myself to something I already had, yes it's older and not as shiny and new as the others but it works.  Good luck with everything, it can't be easy with 3 kids at home, I struggle with a self sufficient 23 year old and my toddler, well and my husband who is like the 3rd child at times! xxx

Humdinger1

TOPM

Just checking in to see how you all are?  Weird switches between feeling that this is normal life now, and pondering how the Dickens we got here....look forward to your next update.  Love Humdinger x 

Treadingonplaymobil

Good morning gang! Haven't been on for a while - feels like while there is nothing financial to update there isn't really any news, but what the heck, here I am anyway. 

Home education continues to be a bit of a pain, but we're into something of a rhythm now. I actually sacked it off entirely yesterday for no particular reason at all, which was wonderful, and cleared/cleaned the house a bit, got on with some work, and spent time with the DCs without the pressure of home ed. Made me happy.

As with last time I posted, XH is about to take over for five days (we've been 50/50 while he's been furloughed). He's back to work next week (although still on 80% salary, which is tiresome for him but better than no job) so I guess we'll revert to our usual 70/30 regime once that happens. It will make working even harder for me, but I'll spend a little time figuring something out when XH has confirmed childcare - he says he wants to do more like 60/40 while he's working from home, but I'm not sure the reality of tandem work/childcare has hit home for him yet. Or possibly his new partner is willing to do childcare. Anyway, I'm waiting to hear from him. I don't particularly mind what we do while the DC are off school as it's such a weird time anyway, I think any deviation from the normal is fine as long as we get back into a normal routine once they're back at school.

That list I posted last time, here's a bit of an update:
1. Create a nice yoga space in both mine and NC's houses. It won't be a permanent space as there isn't room, but a corner where my mat, blanket and candle can live, maybe a plant, and keeping it clear and clean, will improve my chances of getting on the mat and actually relaxing there. Haven't done this at all. Although have been managing to get on my mat. It does slightly depress me every single time doing it in the middle of the busy living space though (the horrible poly carpet in my bedroom makes it impossible as the mat shifts constantly). One to keep pondering.
2. Rearrange the rooms a little in my house - the DCs are in and out of my bedroom because the computer is in there, so I'm going to rearrange some spaces elsewhere so it can come into the main living room and I can reclaim my own bedroom space and make it a nice little sanctuary. Have actually made a start on this. The computer is in the living space. Haven't made my bedroom any nicer, but at least it's my bedroom now.
3. Actually acknowledging that my yoga practice was suffering has given me the impetus to address it, and I've been practicing so much more regularly and energetically than I was before. This has continued. Not flawlessly, but I'm having a good energetic full practice a few times a week, and a minimum of a short practice on the other days (apart from my one rest day).
4. I'm not sure how I'm going to manage work beyond next week if XH goes back, but I'm going to use this week to give myself as much of a work buffer as possible with my contract work, so i can take the pressure off that a little, then hopefully the remaining time can be used for my newer business and I won't lag too far behind on either. Did this, but the buffer was really only enough to get me through my long stretch with the DCs over the past week. Going to attempt to make a slightly better buffer this week so it goes beyond my next stretch. Also need to seriously think about how to balance work and home ed for the remaining weeks of home ed if XH is going to have them a bit less. I think home ed will have to be slightly compromised, but the reality is I can't do everything, and food on the table isn't just a nice extra.
5. I have set some weight loss targets. They're pretty gentle, but I'm hoping to lose half a stone or so over the coming month-6 weeks, then work on my fitness and strength. Have lost about 3lb from when I posted this, and am feeling much better for dramatically reducing sugar/carbs (haven't gone low-carb by any means, but I was consuming large quantities before).

On point (5) above, I have given myself May as a bit of a 'transform myself' month. I'm trying to view it as self care/health related rather than purely weight loss, so I'm focusing on really nutritious food, loads of exercise especially outside, and cutting out the stuff which feels good in the moment but bad the next day and beyond. I'm finding that attitude helps me stick to it, rather than the attitude of punishment/diet. It's new territory for me (I am a serial dieter, and have tended to yoyo by about 2stone for my entire adult life. Not masses, but enough to swing between loving and hating the way I look). I'm hoping that coming at it with a bit more self love will slow the lose/gain/lose/gain pendulum.

New bike has been ordered. NC split the cost with me as he desperately wanted me to get something that could cope with trails. Delivery of all online stuff is so slow at the moment though, so I'm still waiting for it despite ordering on the 26th of April. It was built yesterday so hopefully will be dispatched today. Annoyingly I don't think I'll get it before the bank holiday weekend. Oh, and we took the DCs out on some trails (rather than riding the same safe boring river path we have done for weeks) and they coped brilliantly, youngest really loved it. Hoping they'll get a little fitter and more intrepid as we do that more and more - none of them are physically as fit as I'd like, and I figure I've got a few more weeks (minimum) to make a real positive impact on their fitness.

Finances continue boringly the same. My YNAB budget pots for less frequent expenses (birthdays, Christmas, emergency fund) continue to slowly build each month, which is gratifying. I am constantly amazed to discover I am actually quite good with money, and only spend when I have sufficient saved. I don't think (as I have said before) that XH was 100% to blame for our finances previously, but I certainly now feel that I took on more than my fair share of blame. The fact that in the 8 months since separating our finances and me receiving maintenance I have managed to build a buffer of four months 'salary' (what I need to put into the pot each month), save around £1,000 towards annual/longer term expenses and build a savings pot of £400 for my own 'fun stuff' (clothes/holiday/whatever I want) feels really good. NC has commented several times how sensible I am with money, which surprises me every time.

So my current 'things to improve my life' list looks a little like this:
1. Get back to thinking about those positive yoga spaces in both mine and NC's house.
2. Spend a little time with a capsule wardrobe planner ebook which I have used before and really like - I feel like my wardrobe has, since reining back my spending, become a bit of a mishmash and certainly very scruffy and tired looking. I have enough clothes for right now though, which means I can look at adding just one or two carefully chosen, nicer quality pieces for summer, then reassess in the autumn, rather than needing to buy clothes because everything is literally falling apart.
3. Using up some of the random assortment of panic-bought food! My cupboards are still moderately full (although less so as I have been really focusing on using things up). I have 25kg of bread flour and 3kg of pasta though! I would like to pare down the cupboards to a more normal level, then maybe look at building a bit of a 'panic box' of tinned/frozen stuff which can just live at the bottom of the freezer/under the stairs and be forgotten about but be there in case of a crisis. I have never ever felt the need for this before, but I think having a week/10 days worth of good nutritious food/household products would take away some of the worry if there is a second peak or anything else alarming happens.
4. Allow myself to rest during my upcoming five days off. Accept that actually I'm not going to spend it working flat out and it's ok to need recovery time from being full on 100% of the time with the DCs for seven out of the last nine days.

PurpleFairy26

Lovely to hear your update TOPM  we did a day last week with no home eduction for various reasons, here, that day, was just a step too far and neither mine or your children will suffer for it. You do always seem to be making progress and hats off to you for that. 

Honeysucklelou2

The bike trails sound great...hope your new bike is with you soon.

Kantankrus_Mare

Think you are doing brilliant under the circumstances TOPM. You are managing to do more yoga than me even with your restrictions! I have no excuse. I have no young children about and the space to do it but only doing 2 sessions a week. I am doing loads of walking and gardening though. Keep up the good work and keep reminding yourself it wont be forever.

Humdinger1

TOPM

Groovy baby! It's always a tonic to hear your updates. You demonstrate so well the connection between money and a life well spent and your authorial voice is so individual.  Thanks so much TOPM and congrats on everything you're achieving.   I've always heard that home schooling gives children better life skills than school and you're amply demonstrating that.  Essential too to build in time to recharge your batteries and acknowledge how good you are with money and life in general when following your own principles.   Love Humdinger x 

joedenise

Which ebook about the capsule wardrobe are you reading?  This is something I could do with sorting out.  Like you my wardrobe is a mishmash of stuff I've bought over the years.  Some of it is probably 10 years old!  The only things I regularly buy are t-shirts which I seem to buy every years prior to holidays, although of course with lockdown and probably not going to be able to go abroad this year I've saved that money.  Was supposed to be going away next month and again in September but don't think either are likely to happen.  If we are allowed out of lockdown we will probably only be allowed to travel locally but even that would be a break from the same 4 walls and bit of seafront we walk along a few times a week.

Chrystal

It's lovely to read your updates, you're doing so well.

I'm also interested in which ebook you use for capsule wardrobe.  Mine is so full I can't hang anything else in there and I'm sure 90% of it will never get worn! 

Treadingonplaymobil

Morning! Bank Holiday! Which will make precisely zero difference to our lives! And apparently I like exclamation marks this morning!

OK, capsule wardrobe planners. I'm sure I've discussed this before, but I trained (and worked) as a personal stylist for some years, and my contract work is still loosely based around that (but writing rather than styling). But I generally find the 'rules' I was trained with far too restrictive for real life, and I think it's more important to explore it more gently and slowly than I was encouraged to do with clients. But that does mean that when I do a wardrobe planner I'm doing it with a bit of experience behind me, so I don't want to swear to how good these planners are without that knowledge. But anyway. I have this ebook, which is pretty good, but obviously not the cheapest. If you want to get 75+% of the benefits without forking out a penny, I would highly recommend this free wardrobe planner. Her blog is a bit sponsorship heavy now, but back in 2015-17-ish I loved what she was doing with capsule wardrobes.

I had a lovely couple of hours thinking about my wardrobe, and while I haven't got the whole lot together and gone through it yet, I'm feeling much clearer about the kind of style I want to achieve. I haven't really reviewed my wardrobe since I stopped being client facing a couple of years ago, and these days my life, realistically, is 60% working from home/childcare/errands etc, about 30% sport (yoga, biking, running, hiking) and, during normal times, maybe 10% more formal occasions (I occasionally go to work in the office of the people I contract for, and attend the very occasional party). My wardrobe isn't wildly out from that, but I definitely don't spend on that working from home/childcare/errands wardrobe, as it feels like a waste, but actually it's where I spend the vast vast majority of my time. So all my casual clothes are incredibly tired and old, and I feel rubbish in them. So that's where my focus is initially.

Updates on my list for the moment:

1. Get back to thinking about those positive yoga spaces in both mine and NC's house. No real progress there. Planning a bit of a spring clean with NC at his place over the weekend, so will see about making a nicer space once that's done.
2. Spend a little time with a capsule wardrobe planner ebook which I have used before and really like - I feel like my wardrobe has, since reining back my spending, become a bit of a mishmash and certainly very scruffy and tired looking. I have enough clothes for right now though, which means I can look at adding just one or two carefully chosen, nicer quality pieces for summer, then reassess in the autumn, rather than needing to buy clothes because everything is literally falling apart. As discussed at length above, I'm slowly inching forwards with this. The difficulty is in prioritising which one or two pieces to buy, and resisting the temptation to buy tons of cheap s!
3. Using up some of the random assortment of panic-bought food! My cupboards are still moderately full (although less so as I have been really focusing on using things up). I have 25kg of bread flour and 3kg of pasta though! I would like to pare down the cupboards to a more normal level, then maybe look at building a bit of a 'panic box' of tinned/frozen stuff which can just live at the bottom of the freezer/under the stairs and be forgotten about but be there in case of a crisis. I have never ever felt the need for this before, but I think having a week/10 days worth of good nutritious food/household products would take away some of the worry if there is a second peak or anything else alarming happens. Made good progress on this while I was at the house, and have noted down what there's still loads of to help me with menu planning for when I take back over on Monday.
4. Allow myself to rest during my upcoming five days off. Accept that actually I'm not going to spend it working flat out and it's ok to need recovery time from being full on 100% of the time with the DCs for seven out of the last nine days. Did this yesterday morning, was lovely to just sit on the sofa for a few hours and plan my wardrobe, browse online and allow myself to get lost down clothing/skincare/blog rabbit holes. Will allow myself the same this morning, although not for quite as long.