£67,031.92 is a frightening number indeed....

joedenise

Savingtomove said:

Hi TOPM

I just wanted to say I love you diary.  I have a 1 year old who doesn't sleep and is still breast fed so I have read the whole thing while I am up in the night!!  I love the fact it feels really real and you seem to have the same battles as me and my DH about lifestyle and how quickly the debt will go down.  I am also self employed and the more I work the more I make!!
All the best with it all and if I can work out how to do it I will subscribe to cheer you on!!

STM xxx

It's really easy to subscribe.  Just go to the top of the thread and click on 'Bookmark' on the left hand side and then the thread will be in Bookmarks at the top on the right hand side.

Treadingonplaymobil

Hello (especially hello to new readers! I didn't think I got any of those any more  )!

Had a lovely easter with the DCs, we'll be back to home education today so life will get a lot busier. I have basically forced XH to go 50/50 on childcare while he's furloughed though, as I can (and need to) still work and doing so and doing 70% of the childcare while he was swanning around doing nothing was slightly getting to me. He wasn't thrilled, but he is doing it, which is what matters. I am feeling a little underwhelmed with his behaviour of late - a bit of bending of lockdown rules which I think was morally indefensible, plus he keeps handing the house back just a little bit messier than it was when I gave it to him. I'm going to give him one last chance when we handover in the middle of this week than bring it up if I still get it back in a crummy state on Friday.

Payment holidays have been requested on CCs/Tesco loan, so waiting for confirmation of that, and will discuss finances with XH once that's done. Ironically, XH's furlough plus mortgage and debt payment holidays will mean we have more spare money, and I want to discuss putting enough by to cover another month or two after the three month payment holiday if necessary. But that needs to wait until the payment holiday for the consumer debt is confirmed. Feels like life is so up in the air, which is frustrating, but I keep reminding myself how privileged I am that my biggest problem in the middle of all of this is having to live in a bit of a building site, negotiate with my ex on a regular basis and postpone living with NC. It could be a lot lot worse right now.

I've also been taking steps for my own mental health - I've blocked BBC news (and Mumsnet, which has a lot of very heavy covid chat) on my phone, deleted facebook and rearranged my apps so my homescreen is completely clear apart from audiobook, podcast, kindle, music and Pinterest apps - if I have a bit of downtime I want to be scrolling pretty pictures or reading a book/listening to music, not absorbing negative news. I still check in with the news every couple of days, which is enough to keep me informed without sending me into a negative spiral. I did it about four days ago and it's been working brilliantly. I still have all the usual apps, messaging and a web browser on my phone, but I need to swipe onto another screen to get to them, which makes me stop and think a bit more before I go onto them.

First day back at homeschool today, I've also lowered my expectations here quite a lot so I'm hopeful for a good day.

Sending out lots of good vibes to all of you lovely people, hope you're starting the week after the bank holiday with positivity and purpose.

Humdinger1

TOPM
Couldn't agree more re managing news flow! Some media channels won't rest till they can announce the end of the world. We are also having problems with my daughter's father bending lockdown rules; he was supposed to be self isolating till this Thurs but spent an hour with our daughter in the garden on Sun.  As his wife has potentially had CV, that means we're all in lockdown for 2 weeks now,  making it longer till he can see her for a walk! Keeping positive though and counting our blessings.  We will get through this and I'm always uplifted when I see that you've posted.  Thanks and love Humdinger x 

Treadingonplaymobil

Just a quick hello, I like updating here even if there's nothing real to update at the moment.

It's my weekend with the DCs so we're planning a nice easy one after our first week back to homeschool. It wasn't exactly an enormous success, but not the biggest disaster in the world. Hopefully we'll find our rhythm a little more next week, and the school seem to have got their online learning resources slightly more under control so hopefully the DC will have a clearer idea of what's expected of them.

I'm feeling apathy in the extreme at the moment - finding it incredibly hard to drive myself to do anything very much. I'm getting the bare minimum of work/domestic stuff done, but I can feel I'm operating at something like 50% of my usual energy levels. And it's for no particular reason other than the seemingly endless discombobulation of the whole situation. I was already feeling it before lockdown - I struggle immensely with moving in and out of the house every few days, as XH and I swap in and out rather than the DCs - but the added pressure of, you know, the global pandemic (actually, mostly the added pressure of homeschooling) has really added to my general feeling of life Not Being As It Should.

Since it's unlikely anything is going to change any time soon, I've decided to try to work with what I have, so here are some observations I've recently made of things that aren't quite right:
1. I hate living in a building site. The house is waterproof and safe, but I love having a beautiful space and it really couldn't be further than that. Because XH will almost certainly keep the house, I am 100% unwilling to do any work on it beyond plopping a vase of flowers on the side to cheer me up, so there's nothing I can do about the material situation. But I can work with the clutter, and with making nicer spaces for work and my daily yoga practice, and making the space function more effectively than it currently does.
2. I am much happier when I get a full yoga practice in each morning, but it's always the first thing to slip if I feel a bit tired or stressed or apathetic. I really need to find a way to prioritise the things that genuinely matter (fuelling my body appropriate, practicing daily) and let go of the window dressing stuff.
3. I need to start producing slightly more work output than I have been. I've given myself a bit of a lockdown green card, but April will be the first month since last September when I haven't earned my full salary goal from my self employed work. I appreciate life has been strange, but for me the work has been there, I just haven't been able to motivate myself to do it. Luckily I have three months buffer in my business account, but it won't take me long to plough through that if I don't earn my bare minimum income each month (and we're not talking a fortune, I only need to make just under £500 profit).
4. I need to figure out how to do some work while the DCs work through their homeschool stuff, or to get through domestic things like cooking and cleaning so I'm able to work at other times of the day. I spent much of last week sitting at the dining table waiting to be needed while they did their homeschool, and sure enough they needed me a lot, but I wonder whether sometimes they might have been ok without help if I'd been just slightly less accessible to them.
5. I would like to be a little slimmer, and a little fitter. Not wildly so, but I'm definitely half a stone over my 'happy weight' and that never helps my mood.

I'm not sure how I'm going to tackle each of those, but they're definitely the things at the top of my mind right now.

PurpleFairy26

Sometimes it’s just good to get these things down on paper you want to do and you can work out how to do them as and when. 

We are returning to school work next week and will do what we did before. ‘School’ in the morning and then they help make lunch and then in the afternoon a tv programme of ‘educational’ focus - blue planet, operation ouch, deadly 60 or similar. 

Then baking/garden/ play and daily exercise. Provides a good balance and allows everyone to get some of their own stuff done in a day. 

get that yoga in though! 

Cherryfudge

Treadingonplaymobil said:

4. I need to figure out how to do some work while the DCs work through their homeschool stuff, or to get through domestic things like cooking and cleaning so I'm able to work at other times of the day. I spent much of last week sitting at the dining table waiting to be needed while they did their homeschool, and sure enough they needed me a lot, but I wonder whether sometimes they might have been ok without help if I'd been just slightly less accessible to them.

Could you ask the children to write out two possible ways to do whatever they're stuck with before asking you?

Honeysucklelou2

At school  the children are encouraged to think about what might help them eg check a display, use a dictionary, then ask a friend and then if they are still stuck, ask the teacher. This is so that teachers can move around  different groups of children within a lesson and tailor the learning. So at home , this could be use  for example a phonic mat, some pasta shapes for counting or ask a sibling.  A child, explaining something to another child, helps to consolidate that learning. What I mean to say is that encouraging them to work as independently as possible and helping each other could perhaps help you to have time to work too. 

Twinkl is a useful site and has a range of phonic mats or number cards that can be printed off as resources to jog memories or help within a lesson. Worth having a look. It is free to use for parents during this time  of  school closure.

Alternatively try a carousel, so you start one child off and when they are happily confident, begin with the next, then have them come back if they are stuck or have finished.

Karonher

A lot of schools have "3 before me." They ask the person next to them, then the rest of the table and finally the teacher if they need them. I realise that may be a bit difficult for the older child.

Treadingonplaymobil

Morning everyone!

Feeling much more positive over the past couple of days, and thought I'd pop on and say hi. I can't say anything dramatic has actually changed, but I feel like even addressing the problems in my daily life the other day has made me aware of looking for solutions to them.

My last day with the DCs today before XH takes over for 5 days. It looks like he might be back at work at the beginning of May, so this is likely to be the only week I actually get the benefit of our interim 50/50 arrangement (I did the five day chunk last week and he did two), so I'm planning to make the most of it and try to get ahead with work.

Thanks for the good ideas to address the home ed 'ask mummy before anything else' issue - it was a bit better yesterday, so I think I'm beginning to train them into considering alternatives before coming straight to me.

Also, some of the things I have planned to try to improve the issues I listed last time I posted:
1. Create a nice yoga space in both mine and NC's houses. It won't be a permanent space as there isn't room, but a corner where my mat, blanket and candle can live, maybe a plant, and keeping it clear and clean, will improve my chances of getting on the mat and actually relaxing there.
2. Rearrange the rooms a little in my house - the DCs are in and out of my bedroom because the computer is in there, so I'm going to rearrange some spaces elsewhere so it can come into the main living room and I can reclaim my own bedroom space and make it a nice little sanctuary.
3. Actually acknowledging that my yoga practice was suffering has given me the impetus to address it, and I've been practicing so much more regularly and energetically than I was before.
4. I'm not sure how I'm going to manage work beyond next week if XH goes back, but I'm going to use this week to give myself as much of a work buffer as possible with my contract work, so i can take the pressure off that a little, then hopefully the remaining time can be used for my newer business and I won't lag too far behind on either.
5. I have set some weight loss targets. They're pretty gentle, but I'm hoping to lose half a stone or so over the coming month-6 weeks, then work on my fitness and strength.

Financially things look ok for next month due to XH arranging payment holidays on mortgage and consumer debt, so we're going to put a little money by in case of emergencies and use the extra this month to sort the DC's summer clothes. XH has been pretty reasonable about splitting the extra that the payment holidays have resulted in (his work have slightly topped up his salary so we're not as short as we expected to be). He initially clearly thought he should keep it all himself/decide what to spend it on alone, but I pointed out that as long as the debts and outgoings were being considered 'family' ones (which he is very big on as we haven't actually divorced) then the income had to be too, and if he was thinking of just keeping it as a bonus lump of money then I was going to insist on it being paid off the debts instead, which are after all still joint. I'm not sure exactly how much I'm going to get yet (need to do the maths today) but if it's enough I'm contemplating buying myself a new bike too - the DCs and NC all have mountain bikes whereas mine is a 1980s Raleigh with three gears and old lady road tyres! NC has the bits to build most of a bike for me, but I need to buy a frame.

All in all, things are moderately positive at TOPM this week. Long may it continue!

Savingtomove

Well done on how you are coping with such a challenging situation with the house and XH.
A lot of what you say hits a cord with me.  There is a constant balancing act between, work finances, kids and looking after yourself.  I have completely neglected myself since having the kids and it was completely the wrong thing to do because I am so unhealthy now I have no energy!  your yoga practice has inspired me to get going on it myself.....
STM x