£67,031.92 is a frightening number indeed....

Fla603

So sorry to hear this. I have been eagerly opening my subscribe emails in the hope TOPM has updated HER diary but I guess it is not to be.
TOPM I wish you all the best, I am routing for you and your family and for your business!

Sea_Shell

Humdinger1 wrote: »

Dear ToPM devotees

I have some sad but probably not unexpected news. ToPM has sent me a PM, saying

"Wowsers, just popped back on to see whether the negativity had eased and it was worth an update/returning to my diary, and saw the post I've quoted below. Humdinger I haven't quoted it because ToPM together with many others wants a kind, respectful forum where different approaches are cause for celebration not judgment. Its theme is that ToPM can only have not posted for negative reasons. She goes on to say: The fact that actually I've been snowed under with launching a business (which has gone amazingly, thank goodness, every metric has outstripped my expectations) and that I have only been logging on to politely reply to messages apparently hasn't occurred to the poster in question.

I feel completely and utterly unable to come back to my diary - it seems so mad to subject myself to such negativity, when finally finding the confidence to do it my own way is working better than any of the received wisdom I've received so far."

Humdinger This is a sad day for many of us - I think that different ways of looking at debt busting are part of what makes MSE so strong. ToPM may have been in a minority, but that doesn't make her wrong. I've pleaded for people supporting her to be given a link to her as she is irreplaceable to many, but am not sure if she'll feel able to come back to see it.

Wow, that touched a nerve!

It doesn’t take a genius to work out which post your referring too. Let me guess, you’re referring to my earlier post #4046. It’s OK, you can quote me, I’ve got my Big Girl pants on.

Firstly I would like to say that I’ve only ever tried to make comments that are Practical, Constructive and above all Realistic. Sorry if they’ve been taken differently. I tend not to sugar coat things.

I’m sorry if you thought that any of my comments were too harsh or critical and that I haven’t given you enough “Positive Affirmation”.

I would have done/said exactly the same if faced with your situation with my Family or a Best Friend, because, believe it or not, you’ve got under our skin and we care. Blindly telling someone that they are “doing the right thing” and “everything will be fine” is not necessarily doing them any favours in the long term.

You have over 40 (Edit - the count's is now over 50!) dedicated subscribers to this thread, but you’ve decided that due to a couple of negative posts (as you see it) you’re basically pulling the plug, despite the many hours people have spent reading, posting and participating in it. That’s quite sad.

Before, when you stopped posting, we were genuinely worried that something had happened to you, but you came back and cleared that up. Going AWOL again, leaves us with nothing to go on and people WILL make assumptions, if not given facts.

The fact is that you found time to PM Humdinger, but not to do a one line update here, for your followers. All that was needed was a …”Hi Guys, sorry, really busy with the business just now. It’s going great! Will update more soon. X”

As for any “nay-sayers”, surely the whole point of this thread now is to prove to everyone that you WILL make it work, and that you HAVE made it work, to prove that it can be done your way!! SHOW us that you have the strength, determination and perseverance to see this through. That way you are showing everyone that there is Another Path to the freedom from debt.

But IF, and it’s a big IF, it doesn’t all go swimmingly, and you are struggling, remember that you DO have the support of your followers here. Don’t write us off.

Lastly, I wish to apologise to the subscribers of this thread, which is currently over 200 pages long with over 4000 posts, for having an opinion. I really didn’t think I was that important (and I’m not) but seems I have the power to bring this party to a close with a few words.

I’ll be sad if this thread dies….as I’ve subscribed from day one. I always thought it was a mountain that the OP needed to climb, but I wanted to be along for the ride, and to one day see her post that the debt was GONE!!!!! At that point we really could get the pom-poms out and cheer loudly!!

So ToPM, take care in all that you do. Best Wishes and Good Luck.

Silver_Queen

Disappointed to hear this. Honestly, even more disappointed that TOPM sees the discussion as "negativity". Have been a regular follower from the start and TOPM's comments in this diary and elsewhere have directly impacted me and made me rethink my own way of doing things. Hope that TOPM changes her mind and continues to post for the sake of keeping herself accountable in whichever way works for her, and to guide this diary to be whatever she wants it to be for her, but here's my dramatic exit speech. I will no longer contribute to a thread where the OP will not contribute because she perceives what had been, leading up to sea shell's recent post, not impolite discussion and gentle continued questioning, to be "negativity" worthy of stifling. I wish you the best for your future, TOPM.

Busy_Mee1

Gosh I am really sorry to see such discord in our lovely supportive bit of the internet. I honestly don't think anyone has meant any criticism or negativity towards TOPM. I think everyone has loved her diary and any comments were meant to be supportive.

I think the problem is that where TOPM started, feeling very stressed and wanting to tackle her £68k debt, and where she is now are two completely different places.

The people on here are hardwired to try and help people keep their costs down and make suggestions to tackle their debt. TOPM will be consciously increasing her debt over the next year and that will be quite difficult for us all to watch, without jumping into solution mode and TOPM will find that unhelpful.

I think there is a solution and that would be for TOPM to start a new diary with no numbers and no debt detail .....controversial I know but TOPM is plotting a different path. That would stop people worrying about her debt increase and making comments or suggestions.

Her new diary could then be about the progress of her business, the extension and her lifestyle....all the things we have loved reading about. After all It is fairly normal practice on here for people to start a new diary for a new phase of their life. I did so myself last year.

If in another year she is ready to start tackling the debt again we would all be still here to help.

This is obviously up to TOPM but it would be shame if she stopped posting.

So how about it TOPM ?.....a new diary for your new phase of your life. We would all love to hear how you are getting on x

Verbatim

It's TOPM's diary and life so if she doesn't find it helpful whyever should she, would she continue? She doesn't owe us updates because we've been following.
Congratulations on the business taking off and exceeding all expectations TOPM. Long may it continue. I will miss your posts hugely and your diary was the one I most looked forward to reading. Good luck with the extension.

enthusiasticsaver

I haven't commented on your diary for a while TOPM but good luck with the extension and business.

You will always get a variety of opinions on an open forum like this and being a DFW forum most of us focus primarily on the debt. If it is not helpful and you find these comments negative that is a shame. I think the posts were made with the best of intentions though and The members on the DFW forum are amongst the most supportive and polite on the MSE board. Goodbye and good luck.

mfmaybe

I'm a little sad to see TOPM go, but it's her life to do as she wishes! I would strongly echo a previous post though - there's still a mountain to climb and the community is here if or when you need it.

Good luck with it all (especially the extension, we are building our own home and it's quite the prospect!)

groovychick69

TOPM if you do see this post please let me say thanks! I found your diary when I got my LBM - it had been coming for years and reading your diary actually helped me make sense of it all and actually start putting plans in place, thanks to that I’m in a much better position now and it was down to you!!! My problem was relatively small compared you but the way you went about things and increased debt where you needed to made me realise I’m not the only 1 who already planning a birthday meal on a credit card months ahead! Your style of writing made it so easy to read and was enjoyable! I had a link to your diary on my home screen and would refresh daily looking for updates! Whatever you do I wish you and your family well and I look forward to the day when you appear on the debt free thread!!

Rebecca01

All of the advice came from the right place;I always admired how you listened and then decided what was best for you and your family and came back to tell us so.
This doesn’t sound like the TOPM we have read about for such a long time.

I wish you the best and hope you can get your resolve back.

Chrystal

Wishing you all the luck in the world TOPM. (((hugs)))