£67,031.92 is a frightening number indeed....

dawnybabes

Whoop, welcome back ������

Rubbish about all your problems but hopefully through the other side now

MatyMoo

So pleased to see an update from you, what a year you have had!

Great that the business is going well, sad to hear about your separation & the MH issues that has brought but it sounds as though you have found that special someone which is great news

Not expecting you to answer but I wonder if you & your husband had different views on spending, now it’s just you to make decisions for you & the children it could be simpler.

I have missed catching up with you over my morning cuppa & would love to hear what recipes you are using to stretch the budget!

earthgirl

Hello, lovely to hear from you. Yes please keep posting - your way!
I also stopped posting - after 10 years on here- and came back to do it my way. I do it once per week (or whenever I feel like it!) and I'm focusing on reducing my environmental impact, and saving/making money. It's good for accountability and I've got some good ideas from others.

The push to reduce our plastic use was inspired a lot by your posts and I'd really like to hear your recipes!

BettyBoof

Lovely to hear your update TOPM. I'm sorry it's been a tough year but it sounds like you are emerging from the other side and I hope your happiness continues to grow.

I'd love to read your new diary and recipes, there is definitely room for the abundant mindset approach on here.

AlwaysHappy

Its great to hear an update.. I have often wondered how you were getting along...

Treadingonplaymobil

Thank you so much for the warm words. Nice to be back. Not sure how regularly I'll post, but we'll see how it goes.

I was thinking about starting a new thread as that original debt figure feels so irrelevant these days, but I think I’ll stick on this one until my financial situation is a little clearer. There’s still lot of debt, but I’m not sure how my share of the house equity/debt/maintenance figure will look right now, so it's hard to know what's what. My focus is more on giving myself as much of a cushion as possible so I have the widest possible range of options when we do reach an agreement.

In terms of the current situation. XH and I currently swap in and out of our family home to look after the children. He has a studio flat he goes to when not doing childcare, I theoretically also go to the flat but generally stay with the new chap. When we first rented it we basically sat down and looked at all our income and outgoings for the main house plus the studio as a set of family outgoings, then figured out who needed to give who what money in order to make it work. He is currently paying the debts, but it's possible I'll end up with some of them. We start mediation next week (I had an intro meeting with the mediator today) which should help us figure all of that out, along with a childcare schedule. If anyone has any questions about how we're managing money as a separated couple, I'd be happy to answer questions.

MatyMoo you asked about mine and my husband’s views on spending. This has been a HUGE revelation for me. Anyone who’s read from the beginning will know that I felt very very responsible for the entire debt in the early days, but over time realised that my husband’s inability to rein in the endless small spends and engage with our budget was at least as much to blame as a poor business decision I made almost a decade ago.

What’s fascinating is that since splitting it’s become apparent that I am WAY better at managing my budget than he is. Since November when we set a formal interim maintenance figure, and with the same available money as him after essentials are covered, I’ve been able to save £140 emergency pot (not a lot, but I’m saving £50 per month and not actually spending it), £150 towards annual insurance/utilities shortfall, generally have money left over from my already tight food budget, and I stuck rigidly to my Christmas budget and didn’t overspend by a penny. He, on the other hand, has had a few weekends away, been his usual generous self at Christmas and now (assuming he is telling me the truth, I have no reason to believe otherwise) has no emergency fund, savings for annual bills, or car maintenance pot.

I’m not saying he was 100% to blame for our financial issues, but I think his attitude towards money was definitely wildly unhelpful for our family finances, as either he was over spending or I had a bit of a !!!! it attitude because I felt powerless to effect change. I am finding budgeting so much easier, and more satisfying, since only having to manage myself. It does make me slightly concerned about ever moving in with the new chap, but he is a totally different personality to XH and is generally much more financially literate.

It’s really hard for me to make long term plans at the moment because so much is in flux, but I think my focus for Q1 of this year is going to be:
- Auditing my new business and streamlining it a little in order to ensure it’s as profitable as possible for the hours I can put in. Basically putting it in as good a position for growth this year as humanly possible.
- Working hard on my existing copywriting work, which continues to pay the majority of my contribution to the family pot, and may even expand a little this year.
- Self care, self care, self care. I am SO much more able to problem solve and work efficiently when I am sleeping enough, journaling and practicing yoga. Taking two hours to journal/practice from 5-7am six days a week makes the most enormous difference. It’s also when (a habit formed when I began this diary) I balance my YNAB/bank account every single damn day. That daily check in with my budget keeps me focused and on track with it.

I'll do a separate post about our current food budget/cooking situation, I'm quite pleased with where I am on it.

MatyMoo

So pleased budgeting is working better for you!

How many times do we read on here that women have been left with the debts after a marriage breakup (I know that isn’t your current situation) and they manage to sort it out and get debt free, no wonder women are seen as the stronger sex!

You sound so much happier already, it’s great to hear I think we all need ‘me’ time each day.

mumtoomany

Lovely to hear from you TOPM. I was only thinking about you today whilst looking back through old posts. Sorry to hear about you and OH, but glad you seem to have found someone else and seem to be happy and healthy. I read a book over Christmas, belongs to DD!, that may interest you. It's called profit first by Mike Michalowicz. Great for people with there own businesses. Mumtoomany.

Honeysucklelou2

Sounds like you are working hard to understand what the next steps in life are and make them. I get the feeling of limbo...it's taken 3 years to get to the mediation stage for me but wish I had done it sooner.

The business side sounds like it's coming on nicely....well done!

enthusiasticsaver

Sounds like you have budgeting sorted out and have formed some great habits with the journaling and yoga. As you say it is so much easier if you only need to worry about your spends.

You seem to have a civilised approach to the separation which must be easier for the children. Hope you find the mediation helpful.